Hi everyone,

Oboy! I felt so silly and embarrassed after my landlord witnessed me crying....Jesus!!!!
I can't BELIEVE that i couldn't control my emotions this morning! I had every intention of talking to the landlords (there are two of them...mean in their early forties) with absolute calm and pleasant assertion. Boy...was i dreaming!
Yesterday, without warning, (not that a warning would have made any difference) they began to paint the hallways. (this is a house which is divided into 4 apartments, i am situated at the top) I spoke with them yesterday...the usual friendly interaction...and they explained they are painting cause they are trying to sell the building again.(tried last year,failed) One of the landlords asked to be PLEASE not give them 'problems' like last year, when the real estate agents were told, now and then, that it wouldn't be a good time to bring people over. I had only said "no" to them, when it was very inconvenient. I did my best to accommodate. He said they really want to sell, so i must allow people in whenever they want, starting early in the morning. Well... i said "Sorry, early in the a.m. is not okay with me." I WISH i had left it there! But my old self chimed in and began to EXPLAIN what i need to attend to in the mornings, and i need a couple of hours before people enter my place, blah blah blah. A simple "NO" would have done! Oh well, old habits die hard. So, he wouldn't accept this..."Look, it's just for a week of your life." Then i explain that i go to sleep late, can't FORCE myself to fall asleep when i'm not tired! And i'm not getting up when i haven't slept enough...however, i WILL allow anyone in after 11:00 A.M. and up to 7:30 P.M. Okay, sure...if someone wants to come a bit later,fine. But he won't let it go....says i'm being 'difficult'. He has no respect for me, this is obvious. Then he says that the previous landlord told him about how 'difficult' i can be! Well, that DID IT!!! I exploded. "And you took that idiot's word? Of COURSE he found me difficult....i had a lawyer contact him, as we was not supplying any heat!" At that point, i said something like "Oh, who needs this! Life is hard enough"...and i shut the door in their faces.
(two year old behaviour...yes, i know)
*I was unable to sleep for even ONE MINUTE all night long because of the vile, toxic smell of the oil paint they are using! I felt quite nauseous too. My apt. is situated in such a way that where they are painting is just a couple of feet from the bedroom...well, really...the entire place, cause it's quite a small apartment. So, this morning i saw one of the guys painting again and told him that i hadn't been able to sleep....how toxic this is,etc.. To my absolute shock...my lips began to quiver...i got tears in my eyes. Oh, for God's sake! He explains they have to use oil, as that is what was there before and he understands the dilemna. He tell me they will be painting for 3 more days! I can't sleep here! Then i find myself telling him about how the 'other' landlord upset me yesterday...with his accusations and insinuations about my 'being difficult'....and this is EXACTLY what i did not want to do! There i am, showing him that i CARE what that guy thinks of me! Well...not really that, it's more that i care that i've been MISUNDERSTOOD and MISREPRESENTED! And there i am telling him WHY that X-landlord didn't like me...the one i had the lawyer called on. I noticed he wasn't listening and i KNEW that he was watching what men refer to as 'an hysterical female'.....DAMMIT!!!!! Where do we EVER see a man behaving as i did?! Crying to his landlord! (Okay, i really am trying to laugh at this, at myself...it could help!)
Along with all of this is SUCH RAGE!!!!!!!!
This rage...this feeling of powerless rage...is 'age regression', and i know it! Having TANTRUMS at my age IS embarrassing!
I thought that writing about this would be good for me, maybe good for some you?
In this case, with regard to the suggestions in this particular Lesson....i can 'resolve' AND 'dissolve'. RESOLVE by thinking what i CAN do to remedey this situation. So, i went out just now and purchased what's supposed to be a powerful deodorizer. We'll see. I've thought about where i can stay (sleep) if i absolutely have to. (I would much rather stay at home) DISSOLVE by noticing and allowing the anger fits i have (stampy-footy little kid) and then letting it go. (that's harder!)
Okay, thank you for listening...needed to dump this right here! lol

Have a great one,
love
lindiloo

------------------
Linda

Hi Lindi:

Don't worry about your reaction - it was well justified!!! Read your lease, if your lease is written anything like it is here in the U.S., then a standard clause would be something like, "the landlord has the right to enter the premise with sufficient notice and is usually between busines hours, with the consent of the tenant". If it's not convenient, then, hey, it's not convenient!!! Research this lease, and then, if you are covered, cite it to them, verbatim!!! I am in this business, to a degree, am familair with rental policies - if you are within your rights, then you don't have to take any inconviences from this landlord - just so the lease backs you up - heck, he signed it, along with you.

As to the noxious paint smell, I sympathise with you, it really is a horrible odor especially if you are breathing in the fumes from your bedroom when you are trying to sleep - (coming from me, the frustrated painter), he is right about having to use the oil paint, if that was already there - water based paints won't go over oil based paints, - good idea to go somewhere else for a few days to avoid this.

Know totally how you feel about the anger, and in reacting to it in a way that you felt was juvenile, (I love the way you said that, the stampy, footy thing!!!) I also have days like that as well - it's really funny if you think about it - I can just picture you throwing a tantrum, - and Lindi, I know you are justified - just tell yourself, they deserved that - and then, hey, tomorrow is another day - flick your hair back, push your chin up at "them" and go on!!! You go, you feisty girl!!!

Love & Huggeroonies - Susan

Hey Susan!

Sooooo good to hear from you here! And i know that now...you CAN actually 'picture me' having that tantrum....and i did laugh when i read that.
I actually don't have a lease but it doesn't matter here...everything is the same with or without it...been this way for years. But he KNOWS that i have a right to say yes or no...he's simply telling me he wants me to make myself available 24 hrs. a day because he wants to sell! *%#$@ him!! (that's so funny....typing it like that^)
I was doing pretty well when i posted this, but what a day this has been! I KNOW i'm going through a depression, or ALOT of sadness, or SOMETHING lately! I cannot stop crying all day long. (didn't allow those landlords to witness me that way again)
I think there are too many reasons why i'm always on the verge of either crying or raging as of late. Definately peri-menopausal, stressed about the relationship i'm in, alot of 'old' feelings arising lately...as i'm attempting to move forward with my life, and i'm feeling SO ALONE lately...a feeling which is almost foreign to me! I think i'm feeling exactly like i felt when i was little and it's coming up for a reason at this time. (not the right post to get into all of that) I'm emotional over just about anything these days!
Tonight am missing having the close girlfriends i used to be surrounded by....perhaps i should create an entirely different post on a topic like that. I know i'm going off in several different directions! But that is exactly how this day felt....unfocused sadness for no apparent reason. But, i know the reasons will show themselves when i'm ready. Back to therapy.........Alright, i'm leaving.
But just let me add ~ i am STILL suffocating from these toxic fumes!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, i just wanted to say it.

Thank you Suzie Q
Much love and those special hugaroonies,
moi

Just a thought about the crying and anger. If you happen to have any sensitivities to chemicals, they can cause all kinds of different reactions. The paint smell might be adding to your crying and anger. I'm sensitive to disel fumes from trucks. You should see my attitude after having to follow one for any distance on the interstate. I turn into something hateful. Just started Lesson 6 so this should be interesting to see if it helps me on the interstate.
Best of luck with sleeping though all of this.

I won't by any means say that this is no big deal. But I will say that as a tenant you do have rights. Having been in tremendous housing and living situations in the past several years, I do know that there has to be some negotiations on the part of the landlords when they do work on apartments. Dont worry about getting lawyers--I have come to the conclusion that when you pay money for any services or rent, whatever there has to be some kind of follow through on the part of the other party. So get a lawyer. Get two or three.

I have worked very diligently on NOT taking things personally. Remember that working with lawyers can be difficult too. Find the right one.

And you are getting a message from someone who really knows what you are going through. Most people in business are trying to make a profit and are do not always have the best interest of their customer in mind. That is why you have to remind them..

It is not easy to start voicing your concerns. But as far as the "hysterical crying". I think that women have been brought up to do that --as opposed to men who are kind of afraid of eachother because of their size and their assertiveness training. Don't know what to say about you feeling bad about crying. I have a tendency to do that too--and have often felt that it did not help the situation. But in the long run, that is not the issue. Sometimes I think I have ended up stronger because I made myself cry. You don't have a lot of pent up emotions. It's healthy as long as you (sounds backwards) have a perspective on why you are crying.

The issue is to get the apartment situation livable so that you can sleep and get what you paid for.

If you are getting no sleep that will make you really cranky and tired.

You have my encouragement. Andi

quote:

Originally posted by Lindi:
Hi everyone,

Oboy! I felt so silly and embarrassed after my landlord witnessed me crying....Jesus!!!!
I can't BELIEVE that i couldn't control my emotions this morning! I had every intention of talking to the landlords (there are two of them...mean in their early forties) with absolute calm and pleasant assertion. Boy...was i dreaming!
Yesterday, without warning, (not that a warning would have made any difference) they began to paint the hallways. (this is a house which is divided into 4 apartments, i am situated at the top) I spoke with them yesterday...the usual friendly interaction...and they explained they are painting cause they are trying to sell the building again.(tried last year,failed) One of the landlords asked to be PLEASE not give them 'problems' like last year, when the real estate agents were told, now and then, that it wouldn't be a good time to bring people over. I had only said "no" to them, when it was very inconvenient. I did my best to accommodate. He said they really want to sell, so i must allow people in whenever they want, starting early in the morning. Well... i said "Sorry, early in the a.m. is not okay with me." I WISH i had left it there! But my old self chimed in and began to EXPLAIN what i need to attend to in the mornings, and i need a couple of hours before people enter my place, blah blah blah. A simple "NO" would have done! Oh well, old habits die hard. So, he wouldn't accept this..."Look, it's just for a week of your life." Then i explain that i go to sleep late, can't FORCE myself to fall asleep when i'm not tired! And i'm not getting up when i haven't slept enough...however, i WILL allow anyone in after 11:00 A.M. and up to 7:30 P.M. Okay, sure...if someone wants to come a bit later,fine. But he won't let it go....says i'm being 'difficult'. He has no respect for me, this is obvious. Then he says that the previous landlord told him about how 'difficult' i can be! Well, that DID IT!!! I exploded. "And you took that idiot's word? Of COURSE he found me difficult....i had a lawyer contact him, as we was not supplying any heat!" At that point, i said something like "Oh, who needs this! Life is hard enough"...and i shut the door in their faces.
(two year old behaviour...yes, i know)
*I was unable to sleep for even ONE MINUTE all night long because of the vile, toxic smell of the oil paint they are using! I felt quite nauseous too. My apt. is situated in such a way that where they are painting is just a couple of feet from the bedroom...well, really...the entire place, cause it's quite a small apartment. So, this morning i saw one of the guys painting again and told him that i hadn't been able to sleep....how toxic this is,etc.. To my absolute shock...my lips began to quiver...i got tears in my eyes. Oh, for God's sake! He explains they have to use oil, as that is what was there before and he understands the dilemna. He tell me they will be painting for 3 more days! I can't sleep here! Then i find myself telling him about how the 'other' landlord upset me yesterday...with his accusations and insinuations about my 'being difficult'....and this is EXACTLY what i did not want to do! There i am, showing him that i CARE what that guy thinks of me! Well...not really that, it's more that i care that i've been MISUNDERSTOOD and MISREPRESENTED! And there i am telling him WHY that X-landlord didn't like me...the one i had the lawyer called on. I noticed he wasn't listening and i KNEW that he was watching what men refer to as 'an hysterical female'.....DAMMIT!!!!! Where do we EVER see a man behaving as i did?! Crying to his landlord! (Okay, i really am trying to laugh at this, at myself...it could help!)
Along with all of this is SUCH RAGE!!!!!!!!
This rage...this feeling of powerless rage...is 'age regression', and i know it! Having TANTRUMS at my age IS embarrassing!
I thought that writing about this would be good for me, maybe good for some you?
In this case, with regard to the suggestions in this particular Lesson....i can 'resolve' AND 'dissolve'. RESOLVE by thinking what i CAN do to remedey this situation. So, i went out just now and purchased what's supposed to be a powerful deodorizer. We'll see. I've thought about where i can stay (sleep) if i absolutely have to. (I would much rather stay at home) DISSOLVE by noticing and allowing the anger fits i have (stampy-footy little kid) and then letting it go. (that's harder!)
Okay, thank you for listening...needed to dump this right here! lol

Have a great one,
love
lindiloo