This is really the first time I have ever reached out like this. I feel I have nowhere else to turn. I guess I'm having anger issues. I have been feeling down lately, life not where I wanted it to be, etc. Then recently I've been getting a felling I guess you'd call it "panic" Something like you'd feel if a dog attacked you or someone scared the hell out of you in the dark. It doesn't last to long, just long enough, and you know the feeling isn't normal. Then comes the arger issue. I can't control my temper. I'm usually a happy go lucky guy, always smiling, in a good mood. But now, I explode for little reason. My wife, I think fears my now, although I have never laid a hand on her, and never will. Tonight a fight over ordering a pizza put me to the point of crying with a gun to my head. Pride and embarresment prevent me from seeking medical help. My family has a history of "mental illness" though no one ever talked about it. I have a two year old little girl whom I love more than anything, and a son on the way. My wife made the comment that if she'd leave me I'd never see them and I snapped, telling her I'd kill her first. I love her, and would never hurt her, I'd kill myself first. I know I need more than a binder and 16 CD's, I just need to know there is help. Not some drug that makes me lifeless and unable to live. I just don't see how talking to a therapit can stop the rage in me. I'm afraid of being labeled "crazy", for fear of not seeing my childeren if my wife leaves me. I just this is my way of reaching out.
I just wanted to let you you are not alone.!! I to get these really down and out feelings and angry rages and they just come out of the blue. Just sit down and talk to you wife and let her know what is going on. It does help to talk to someone .. I am married now and have been for going on 4 years and we have been through our fair share of fights and disagreements to but he also listens to me about my anxiety. Even though it is hard for someone to understand what we go through if they have not got anxiety or depression. My mom tells me to snap out of it and that just gets on my nerves . I have had my days where I wake up crying for no reason at all. All I can say is dont give up you can and will make it through this you took your first step by getting on this forum. I myself will not talk to shrinks eather or take meds cause they put me on a med that gave me suicidle and homicidle thoughts. Just tell your wife that what you said you did not mean. And let her know that Her and your Kids are your life and you dont want to lose them .. Let her know that you are willing to get the help you need to keep them and to make them feel safe. I hope all goes well and good luck!!
Posts: 118 | Location: Ohio | Registered: August 22, 2004
Stress Center Community 
