Ok folks need some help here.All the other lessons are helping me out wounderfully.Now this lesson is just not clicking.I am a very very easily angerd person.I dont kmnow why but I have allways been one.The slightest thing sets me off.I also understand that It sometimes takes longer for a lesson to seap in to ones head.But I am starting to feel let down.Not by the program,but by my self.I sit and think to my self."Why can iI stop being so mad".If anyone can help me out here that would be great.TIA

Matt

Matt,

Why not ask yourself "Is the anger getting me the result I want?" Maybe by doing this you will be able to pinpoint why your anger is there. It usually is a self-defense mechanism we use to protect ourselves from being hurt by the other person, I'll hurt you before you hurt me kind of mentality. Which backfires anyway b/c we beat ourselves up for having the anger! I used to get angry all the time and I am not saying that I do not know-I am saying it happens alot less frequently. The anger didn't get me the reslult that I had wanted.

Take care-Silvana

Anger can be a way to control others. You know, we like control. Could it also be a matter of overreacting? If either is the case I think taking a step back, do your breathing, and let yourself know that you dont have to react to anything at the moment. You can come back to it later and have a discussion about it, but not to start yelling or losing your temper again. You will find that reminding yourself to underreact or not to react at all will give you time to think first and act later. It also takes practice. Rome wasnt built in a day...
Reena

Hello there!

I realize I am a bit late in my reply, but here goes.

I just thought that thinking "Why can't I stop being mad!" is unproductive and pretty self critical.

Why not think "I am frustrated that I still seem angry alot, and I see that this is negatively impacting my life and the lives of those around me, so I am working toward lessening my anger by learning more about it. This might take some time, but I will be diligent, and i will succeed. It takes time to change habits."

It's a nicer way to talk to yourself, eh?

Good luck!
GF

There are anger management courses available. Maybe at a local hospital or they might know where. I just think if you need a little extra help somewhere along the way then you should go for it. IT might also give you the structured environment you may need to help push you in the right direction. Just a thought.
Reena
PS> I also read somewhere (Readers Digest, I think) that the more you give into your anger the worse it gets. We've been told to express our anger and let it out, but I do believe that isn't always correct. Maybe if we were taught how to do that in a productive way, but I wasnt taught that, so I'm learning on my own with the help of the program. Keep trying.

[This message has been edited by Reena (edited 06-30-2002).]

Hi Matt,

I used to be exactly like you - any small thing that didn't go my way and I would just lose it! We are talking rage over the pettiest things. I have mellowed out a bit, and realized that I don't like being angry - it feels bad. So, what can you do to stop being angry? If you feel the anger coming on, think about what result you want and how to calmly achieve it. Usually throwing a tantrum doesn't get you very far but effective communication does. Being angry all the time isn't good for your self esteem or health. Remember, you have control over your reactions.