Hi. I'm feeling so FLAT, such a lack of energy....that even writing this is difficult. I would say i've been working these lessons pretty well, presently concentrating on lesson 6. I laugh when i hear Lucinda saying (on the tape) that we are bound to run into one or two 'practice opportunities' with anger, irritation, expectations of ourselves,etc.. One or two??? I have SO MANY, i do tend to lose heart. I have developed a way to talk to myself which is very loving and supportive and have lowered my ridiculous expectations of myself....to change lifelong habits in a very short time! And yet, i can see that i feel overwhelmed at times and then just do nothing...for example, in these last few days, i have taken note of so many instances i need to write about....and it just feels like too much!! Also, (regarding the tapes) we are hearing people saying "i just completed the program and now i am recovered". That seems totally unrealistic to me! What!...7 days on each lesson, which includes a lifetime of automatic behaviour!!!! And recovering from Panic Disorder in such a brief time! I must admit, i am feeling much more positive than i do these last few days. But right now, i feel so disinterested, kinda 'flat' as i said, and cannot find the smile that was on my face these last couple of months. I haven't asked for any help on this Forum for a while now, and thought perhaps some words of encouragement might help me right now. Thank you all. Lindi

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Linda

Lindi,
I'm not sure if this is really going to be encouraging, but sometimes knowing you're not alone helps out. I've been feeling flat myself, less motivated to do the exercises and I find myself just reading these posts and not replying any more. I've also been slacking on the relaxation tape and journal entries. I believe this is my old habits creeping back, like you mentioned it may be unrealistic to think we can change a lifetime of habits in a short time. But in the past I never realized that I was being self destructive and now I do, so we are changing. Even though I'm feeling a little flat now, my bad days are better than my good days use to be when I started the program and that's what I need to remember. We should focus on how far we've come along. I failed to realize this until I wrote it just now, which proves to me the importance of continuing to do what has worked for us. Hope this helps because it did for me. Take care... Vince

Hi Vince, Thank you for writing. It helped inthat i know i'm not alone with these feelings and i appreciate you writing to me, when you haven't been doing this for a while,as you mention. I can't believe how sad i'm feeling lately. I was crying while reading your reply. I seem to be alternating between feeling as i do now and feeling quite wonderful! Alot of underlying reasons for why i have had certain problems in my life, have emerged... as i work these lessons. Lately, as i am practicing various things, i am SO aware of the struggles within myself, and mostly i treat myself with loving-kindness and patience, understanding that it takes TIME to really change the basics which have been in place for so long! And then i have times like now, when i 'turn off'and seem to lose all vitality. I can see, very clearly lately, that at the very CORE of me, underneath everything, is a feeling of shame...being ashamed of who i am...an embarrassment, an uncertainty, a harsh critic lives inside me (this is not actually new to me at all, just becomes more obvious when working through this stuff on a daily basis).... a part of me that is 'watching' to see that it approves of me...it is not difficult to see how this happened at the start of my life. At this CORE, i see that i cannot TRUST myself to 'just be me'. FEELING THIS shame is SO painful! So that at the stage i am at presently, working with this kind of thing, it isn't hard to understand how i could be feeling 'down' and kind of listless. I should mention that with MOST people i don't feel this way....this arises with very specific people and with some people who i am meeting for the first time. I know the only thing to do here...is to keep giving myself very loving, affirmataive messages, so that the child that received this screwed-up 'programming' about herself in the first place....can begin to realize how wonderful she REALLY is. I've been through this stuff in the past, and now it's just more concentrated. Again, thank you for your writing and let's hope we both are feeling much better very soon. God bless, Linda.

Hi Linda! I just thought I would throw my two cents into the discussion. I, like you, hit a flat spot around lessons 5 and 6. I had worked really hard for 4 weeks or more and then felt like my body just needed a breather. Its my guess that this is probably more common than either of us knows.

Isn't it okay to allow yourself some time when you aren't doing the program 100%? Most of us seem to have these unrealistic expectations about how we should feel, work, react, etc. It would seem to me that if you have been very focused for the last 4 weeks, maybe your mind and body just need a break. Maybe this "flat" feeling is your body's way of telling you that it is time to relax a little. Fifteen weeks is a long time to remain totally focused on something. Now that I think about it, I think I went through two or three "flat" times when going through the 15 week program. It seems to me that I hit another one around Tape 13. Just think about it -- 15 weeks is approximately 3 1/2 months. How many of us can sustain a level of interest and excitement for ANYTHING for that long of a period of time?

I'll end with this one comment. I found that my best cure for the "flats" was to lie in the grass, close my eyes, and to feel, hear, and smell everything around me. The grass smelled sweet and fresh, it felt cool on my skin, the wind made a wonderful sound as it whistled through the leaves of the trees, and the traffic on a nearby street had a certain rhythm to it that became almost musical. It was a nice way to remind me that what I mulled over in my head was only a tiny part of my life. Sometimes I just needed to remind myself that I was part of something much larger than myself. Here's wishing you better and brighter days ahead!

Dear Mountaingirl, I can't tell you how grateful i feel for your words, feeling the way i do right now...it's just not 'letting up'...such a heaviness and listlessness. I am taking your suggestions to heart. Between this afternoon and tonight, i think i realized why i am feeling depressed and incredibly irritated at the same time...everyone is irritating me right now! You know how anger can be directed inwards, and then becomes depression....makes sense. Well, i've been feeling this way since something i went through the other morning (on my own) when i was feeling the 'shame' that was programmed (as we say) into me very early on, and i cried so much, feeling how awful that is....how it made me so uncomfortable in my own body! During this experience, rather than getting 'anger' out of my body, i instead caved into emotional pain. I KNOW how this works with people and that the anger or rage HAS to come out!! And yet, with myself, i am not doing this. THIS type of anger needs to be Resolved, not Dissolved. It WON'T dissolve! Still, just for now, i think i will do as you suggested, to get some space and time...so that i can get my energy back and hopefully deal with these feelings in a more constructive way later. Thank's so much for your writing. God bless, Lindi

Please hang in there! I had the same problem last week with lesson 6 and I think it's just a bump that comes with the territory. I found working on anger very difficult and depressing in a way and it was hard to stay with. This lesson also came on the heels of a full week of concentrating on diet, so we haven't had as many uplifting lessons to learn these past 2 weeks.

I can tell you for myself that moving into lesson 7 makes all the difference! It's all about assertive behavior and I think you'll feel you're in control and happier again when you get there. In fact, maybe you should go there now! I'm learning so much that really puts a positive spin on the anger lesson. It's like you get the other half of the puzzle. You can use the new assertive behavior to take care of the anger. I know you can do it if I can--stay positive, because I think great things are coming for all of us...

Hi there Sib's girl! I want to say "thank you" for your reply to me. I found it so understanding and uplifting. Working with anger IS difficult, and of course...different for everyone. I think i'm too sleepy to be very articulate right now, but i was wanting to tell you how much i appreciated your writing! Can't really explain....your spirit just came through! Have a wonderful day and yes....let's just keep on keeping on!!! love.....Lindi

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Linda

Dear Lindi,

In case you need further encouragement to pause for a week or two- you got it! Sometimes you just need a break.

I agree, no one changes lifelong behaving and thinking habits in 15 weeks. But - we sure can get a great start. One major factor in ongoing recovery is to do the basics everyday, especially the loving and respectful inner dialogue.

Book recommendations for you: THE SECRET MESSAGE OF SHAME and BEYOND NEGATIVE THINKING.

If I talk in a depressed, lethargic way to myself...that is exactly how I end up feeling.

Take care...been there, Carolyn

Hi Carolyn, I appreciate your words! I'll order these two books from the library today. I can't agree more with just how important the 'respectful and loving inner dialogue' is!! I have found that 'loving myself' just about heals everything. I was in that FLAT state for about 4 days and have moved on. Have taken a break, by putting my concentration back on lessons 2 and 3, as i feel i haven't been practicing enough with the panic. Thank's again!!! Linda