Tuesday was a bad day for me at work.I was very, very anxious and felt very spacey. I hate that feeling so, so much!
Anyway, these feelings started about 11 am, and by the time lunchtime came, I was c-o-v-i-n-ced I was really going to flip out and do something crazy! I went into the lunchroom, and there were 2 women sitting there.Well, I grabbed my jacket from my locker, then I changed my mind because I forgot I wanted to heat something up in the microwave so I put my jacket back. This one woman kept staring at me...???She was watching every move I'd made.Which made me feel even more self-conscious. I felt like the look on my face said everything, too!
Anyway, today I went into the lunchroom (anxiously) and the same woman was sitting there, and I was walking out this woman said very, very loud, "SOMEBODY IS REALLY WEIRD HERE!" I felt about 2 inches high. I knew she was talking about me.Even when I came back from lunch this woman was giving this look ,like, YOU ARE A NUTCASE.It was like she was waiting for me to "do" something..That's the feeling I got. You don't know how badly I wanted to say something to this cruel person. I won't type here what I really want to call her. I felt like if I did say something to her, I would be proving that I really am nuts. You know we always want to look in control and perfect, and the last thing we want is to draw ANY attention to ourselves.Well, I did, and I'm really upset about it.
Some people can be cruel and not compassionate and that's hard for me to deal with because I'm so sensitive.
I just want to hide away from the world. I don't want to have to deal with mean, heartless, people like that.

Hi Sky, I can't believe those words came out of that woman's mouth!!!!That was appalling!! I'm only sorry that you had to feel embarrassed with yourself!! You did nothing! The problem here is so obviously hers. I can't fathom that some people behave that way either, it always amazes me! Unlike yourself, i've always been someone who WOULD talk back (in a case like that), and i wouldn't even THINK of controlling myself. I'm one who felt i needed to learn to 'hold back' on my automatic reactions, because engaging in a fight was usually fruitless, and trying to explain myself was equally futile. So, i learned to do one of two things: To say how it made me feel to be spoken to that way, and to tell that person that what they were doing seemed to me to be very disrespectful,etc.. Well, this can either work or not. The other way (which feels better) is to 'keep the ball in the other one's court) and say something like "So, you find the way i'm acting to be unusual??" Like, you keep her behaviour belonging to her...WHERE IT BELONGS! Ideally, it isn't your's to take into yourself! You usually catch someone off-guard when you point it back at them....then they're stuck with having to explain. Of course, that too can backfire, if you'e dealing with a lunatic! The thing is, Sky, you seemed to be so hard on yourself. I know these things are habits of a lifetime. When someone acts in such a cruel and crude manner, it can trigger a place inside of us that's so much bigger than the actual incident... a sensitive spot that's been in place for so long. I think, if you have the patience, that you can take practically anything that occurs and use some lesson in this program to make yourself feel much, much better. I know it's hard to do on the spot, when the thing itself is happening...we're just reacting. But right after, even 5 minutes of talking to ourselves reasonably and with compasssion, can make a difference. You were doing whatever you were doing at work today, and minding your own business. That woman is not your problem, because there are so many of her around and there always will be. The problem is all your own (as with me) inthat only WE can discover ways to change our own reactions. That's the work! God only knows what her problem is. It's not our business, our only business is to keep practicing changing ourselves, so that we no longer feel we have to run, or condemn ourselves for someone else's behaviour. I've spent a long time undoing my own reactions, that i put firmly into place at a very young age. They were necessary back then. And now we are left with the work of undoing what makes us feel so badly about ourselves. Here i go again, rambling on and on. Hope that's okay. I know at some point,this very same incident that happened with you today....will have no impact on you! Won't that feel great?! God bless and talk with you again, i hope. By the way, if you do write back to me...here, or at one of my own postings....would you tell me how to activate those "smiles"???? Regards, Linda

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Linda

Hello Sky,

People sure can be mean. This may not be all that helpful, but I have found that some people who come across with mean things to say like that are often very very insecure. Sometimes, they say things to make themselves feel "higher" or "better" about themselves.

Whatever the case may be, that person was an ogre! Keep your head up and keep on going.

"Someone else's opinion of you does not have to be your reality."

I don't remember where I got that quote, but I have it pasted on my typewriter. :-)

Helen

((((Sky)))) (that's on on-line hug )

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. Like the saying goes, mean people really do suck.

There are going to be mean people out there, and there are going to be people who don't understand anyone who doesn't act under their very narrow definition of "normal." But, really, who wants those people to like them, anyway? There are lots of people out there who understand that we all have out little eccentricities, and that no one is perfect, and they don't judge you for things like that.

I've had similar experiences. When I was in high school, I began to have panic attacks, and I often had to leave a classroom at a moment's notice. I always missed a lot of days of school. I know that some people thought I was "weird" and "crazy." And, that hurt at first, but then I just said, "Who cares?" I had friends who didn't mind that I was "weird" and "crazy," and who put up with the strange things I sometimes did--like having to leave a diner or a movie without any warning--just like I put with the strange things they did.

One thing you learned from this is that woman, right now, is probably someone you don't want to waste your time being friends with. Actually, you should feel pretty sorry for her, because she must have problems in her own life if other people's behavior interests her so much and if she feels such a need to cut others down.

Good luck, and don't let it get to you,
Lori

Hi you guys!
Thank you so very much for taking the time to respond to my post. It meant so, so, much to me. You guys put my mind at ease and made me feel better about myself and the situation. Thank God for people like you!
I absolutely, 100%, agree with what you guys had to say, you are all so right!!As much as I hate this condition, and it's symptoms, I feel blessed to meet such wonderful, caring, compassionate people like yourselves. I can't tell you how much your responses meant to me.I hope I can give back to you guys what you gave to me.
I think the only "mistake" I made with the whole situation was letting it get to me!
I have learned something here.People like that are not worth one ounce of my energy.
I won't let myself stress out over such ugliness again....You guys really helped me to figure that out.
((((((((((Linda,Helen,Lori))))))))))
Linda here's how you make the smiles:
Ok, first, hold down your shift key and press: then, ( hold the shif key again) press zero above the letter P. After you submit your letter your smile will be big and yellow..If you want to make a big, cheesy smile, do the same as above but instead of pressing zero, ( hold the sift key down and press D. Isn't that cute?lol.
Much respect to all of you, always,
sky

Hi Sky! As I read your post, the first thought that came to my mind was "yes, and the wierd person was the one speaking those words!" It certainly wasn't you! So sorry that you had to endure something like that. It always amazes me that people can be so cruel. As Lucinda has said before, though, we are creative, sensitive, analytical people and its too bad that a person like that will never get to know how truly wonderful you are. Don't forget that! I hope you have a really great day tomorrow!

Moutaingirl,
Thank you so much for your response!
Yeah, that was a rough one for me. But, I'm learning not to waste my precious present moments on such ugly people.I'd much, much rather be around people at this bb, you are the nice ones, to say the least! YOU ARE TRULY WONDERFUL TOO!!!!!
(((((((moutaingirl))))))))) Big hug for ya!!!
Thank you,
sky

quote:

Originally posted by Lindi:
Hi Sky, I can't believe those words came out of that woman's mouth!!!!That was appalling!! I'm only sorry that you had to feel embarrassed with yourself!! You did nothing! The problem here is so obviously hers. I can't fathom that some people behave that way either, it always amazes me! Unlike yourself, i've always been someone who WOULD talk back (in a case like that), and i wouldn't even THINK of controlling myself. I'm one who felt i needed to learn to 'hold back' on my automatic reactions, because engaging in a fight was usually fruitless, and trying to explain myself was equally futile. So, i learned to do one of two things: To say how it made me feel to be spoken to that way, and to tell that person that what they were doing seemed to me to be very disrespectful,etc.. Well, this can either work or not. The other way (which feels better) is to 'keep the ball in the other one's court) and say something like "So, you find the way i'm acting to be unusual??" Like, you keep her behaviour belonging to her...WHERE IT BELONGS! Ideally, it isn't your's to take into yourself! You usually catch someone off-guard when you point it back at them....then they're stuck with having to explain. Of course, that too can backfire, if you'e dealing with a lunatic! The thing is, Sky, you seemed to be so hard on yourself. I know these things are habits of a lifetime. When someone acts in such a cruel and crude manner, it can trigger a place inside of us that's so much bigger than the actual incident... a sensitive spot that's been in place for so long. I think, if you have the patience, that you can take practically anything that occurs and use some lesson in this program to make yourself feel much, much better. I know it's hard to do on the spot, when the thing itself is happening...we're just reacting. But right after, even 5 minutes of talking to ourselves reasonably and with compasssion, can make a difference. You were doing whatever you were doing at work today, and minding your own business. That woman is not your problem, because there are so many of her around and there always will be. The problem is all your own (as with me) inthat only WE can discover ways to change our own reactions. That's the work! God only knows what her problem is. It's not our business, our only business is to keep practicing changing ourselves, so that we no longer feel we have to run, or condemn ourselves for someone else's behaviour. I've spent a long time undoing my own reactions, that i put firmly into place at a very young age. They were necessary back then. And now we are left with the work of undoing what makes us feel so badly about ourselves. Here i go again, rambling on and on. Hope that's okay. I know at some point,this very same incident that happened with you today....will have no impact on you! Won't that feel great?! God bless and talk with you again, i hope. By the way, if you do write back to me...here, or at one of my own postings....would you tell me how to activate those "smiles"???? Regards, Linda

I feel like you are probly a lot like me in the things that you described because i feel that way all the time. Its like noone cares any more. The best advice I can give you is that you are special for being you and being so compasionate to not say anything at all. You were the bigger person in that situation and I think that next time I would blow it off as well. Some people are to insecure about themselves so they just put everything on someone else and that is not always fun. I just think that you are a rare person to not say anything. Most people would have and if you can just blow her off you will and are going to be better off because you didn't waste your breath. I just keep thinking that if I am going to have this anxiety problem than I am going to be worring about something big instead of wasting my thought on the people who are lost in the mean hearted part of our world...I know that may sound funny but sometimes you have to be creative in the way you look at things because nothing completely makes sense and life is to short to waste away on the bad things in our life...right I hope things work out for you...If you ever get the chance and you say something to her just out witt her. Hey it might make you feel good...who am I to say you should have or shouldn't have...keep up you kindness though because that I know will make you a better person in the end.

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Totallycaring,
Your name fits you. Thank you for your kind, compassionate response.People can be mean, uncaring, and cruel, but in the long run, they don't matter. It's the people that are compassionate, caring, and humble that make the lasting impression. They're the ones that count and you are one of them.
I think we are good people and we are all worthy of respect, but people that are cruel like that will not get one ounce from me.They don't deserve it.I won't even bother wasting my time. I don't let that situation get to me anymore, it's her problem not mine and I have to move on with my life.
That was so nice of you to respond to me.
I hope to talk to you soon. Maybe I'll be able to help you with something too. Email me if ya want... I'm all for making new friends!
sky

I'm very sorry for what happened. It's happened to me...in an elevator...years ago at school...at jobs I hated. I agree the person saying things is the "bad" person here. I hope you will keep on with this program...Here's to the day you and I no longer feel "less than" in front of ANYBODY!!
Love, Cindy

Dear Sky

I've had more than my share of mean people in my life. I won't get into detail here, but everyone from people at school, to people I've worked with, to my own family have been DOWN RIGHT CRUEL to me at times. I think the reason mean people are cruel to us (sensitive people) is because they have this ability to pick out people who are sensitive. In other words, the mean people know how to find an easy target. These people are always very insucure, and the only way they know how to feel better about them selves is to pick on someone else. How juvenile of this woman to say something like that to you at work. You were at work right? You were not in junior high school? It sounds to me like this woman needs to grow up. She is probably more miserable than you are and she obviously wants to spread it around. Find other people at work that you get along with, and stick with them. Chances are, you aren't the only person that she has been an a** to. You are obviously a bigger person than she is and deep down inside somewhere, I'm sure she knows this.

Good Luck, Mellie