Hello Everyone,

I know I have not been heard from for a long time and I am very sorry.

Well here goes my story and can anyone relate or help me with this anger.
Lets see I have now had two miscarriages, one in September last year. It was hard but I eventually got over it I was sad and hurt but I realized that no one could really do anything about it. Then at the beginning of the year we found out that we were pregnant again. Which was wonderful. We go to ultrasound and boom My heart gets a horrible upset again. The baby has no pulse and I have miscarried again. Boy was I upset I tried to calm myself, I talked with my shrink and my husband but lately it seems like I have bottled up so much anger it really isnt funny. I snap and fight with my husband whom by the way works away from home with his job and I rarely see him anymore. Which makes me mad. I feel unwanted, useless and like a failure.

I am so mad I can scream and yell at everyone I see or talk to. I am sick of feeling like a freak. Why cant we have a child???!!! I have done the relaxation breathing, listening to the tapes again but I feel like it is hopeless I am never going to beat this anxiety and depression. It is frustrating.

I hope someone out there can help me. I am trying to stay positive. I know third time is a charm but I am afraid to try for another child just to have my heart crushed again.

Help please. Any suggestions?

Take Care and remember you can beat this disorder it just takes time.

Albertagirl

Dear Albertagirl,
YEs, it has been a long time. I'm glad to see you decided to let us know how you are doing. Of course I wish you were not having to go thru this. I am very sorry for your miscarriages. I lost a baby girl who was 2 months old and in my opinion a miscarriage is just as painful. You lost something precious. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Accept your anger and work with it. Get a punching bag and use it. Its part of your grief. I would get angry at those who said things like, well, you can have more kids. Or well, she was only 2 months old-its not like you had her a long time to gain memories with her. OOOOOOH I wanted to just scream at them and tell them a thing or two! Like "How dense can you be?!!!" Got one of those remarks from my own family! But, they really didn't understand. THey hadn't been there. THey just didnt know. ANyways, write about your feelings. Atleas then you are getting it out and not taking it out on someone else. Have you thought about a grief counselor? Maybe that would help. I can also understand your fears about trying again. A good friend of mine had 2 miscarriages and went on to have children. As a matter of fact she is due in a few months. SHe was very afraid too. Just work the progam, take your time, and allow yourself to feel the way you feel. You have every right to get angry. YOu just don't want to wallow in it. Use it to fuel you. If you are going to get mad then fight back with that energy!!! Don't let anxiety win. You know you can be stronger than 'it' is. Hugs for you, Reena

Children are a blessing and a gift. I had 3 miscarriages myself. But I also have 3 beautiful children. Reserve your energy for future trys. Meanwhile, enjoy your marriage when you can. Little ones are the product of love shared between two people.

Hello.

Thank you for your wonderful suggestions,it feels good to know that I am not the only person to go through this. I appreciate the advice and caring you guys have given me. I will try your advice. Thank you

Thank you very much

Albertagirl