I have been trying very hard to be assertive rather than aggressive, but it's very difficult to try and use these skills conversing with someone who seems to have the mind-frame that yelling louder than everyone else will always help them win an argument.

I have been trying to learn and use the skills from Lesson 6, but it seems every time that I try and discuss an argument with my sister, she always starts yelling at me when I confront her about something, and she starts using a harsh tone even if I haven't said anything! I have tried to have a civilized discussion regarding her constant negative tones towards me and she said she would "try to stop yelling", but still it persists. I have tried many times to just "walk away" from her when she starts yelling at me, but this results in more yelling and quite often she acts childish and throws household objects at me.
This issue is causing me to have more anxiety and depression, and I don't want to start feeling as though this recurring problem is my fault, because I know I haven't done or said anything wrong.

Thanks for the feedback, if any.

Hi Shadow7,

Your dog is adorable. I love that picture

I can understand your frustration with the way arguments turn with your sister. Sometimes it is best to leave the situation when a topic is getting heated. When my husband and I start to argue and he starts yelling, I calmly state "I am not yelling please tone it down." Sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, I say "I'm going into another room so we can cool things off, I still want to resolve this issue, is a half hour enough time for you to cool down?" This takes the charge out of the conversation. I can be a yeller at times too. Usually I yell because I'm frustrated and upset that someone does not see my point (EGO). I have been working on this behavior flaw though. It takes work and if your sister is not willing to work on it then all you can do is walk away, not everyone is going to see things our way. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree in order to keep the peace. Best wishes,

Shadow7
Hi I think sometimes in life it's hard to remember that we are only in control of ourselves and what we say and do. I truly believe no matter how hard we try.....some people we just can never make happy. We can never do right in their minds or be good enough for them. I spent a lot of years trying to please my Mom I was never good enough, never skinny enough, talkative enough so on and so on. Then one day I just rebelled and said forget her and all her ways and all her wants. Because the bottom line is she didn't like me for me. Well that went on for a few years and honestly it was really tough to be around her. Then the day came when I just had to lay it on the line and say hey I'm me just like you are you and that will never change. Well long story short we now have a very loving relationship. It certainly didn't happen over night but keep the faith if ours could turn around then I'm sure yours can too Make yourself happy first and for most and the rest will follow! Best of luck to you

Hi,
I don't know the age of you and your sister, but throwing objects at you is definitely abusive behavior and that is the issue that needs to be addressed. Again, I don't know your age so I don't know what advice to give, but if you are under parental supervision this behavior needs to be addressed. If you are an adult, I would consider having higher boundaries and not interacting with your sister until she can control her physical violence. I would recommend reading books on the subject. Being subjected to abusive behavior is a definite cause of anxiety I hope this helps.
luvpiggy

Shadow,

I am sorry this is happening with your sister. I have a similar situation with my sister. She will seem to be fine and happy one minute and then I will ask her a seemingly harmless question or make a comment and she goes nutso. Flips out, makes a scene, and then usually does something mean to my mother. We are in our late 20's and do not have much in common so I usually see her only when we are visiting my mother. It is really terrible to see. My mother has similar problems with her and we are at a loss to solve the problem. My only advice would be to not expect anything to change on your sister's part. Of course it is natural for you to WANT her to change but you have to understand that she may not and therefore you have to know to expect the bad behaviour. Once you expect her to act badly you can have a plan in place for how you can deal with her when these situations arise.