Hi,

I'm going to try to make a long story short. This past weekend my husband and I along with my sister and her boyfriend were supposed to go out for dinner and dancing. My sister's daughter was supposed to watch my daughter for her regular charge of $10.00.

Meanwhile my other sister decided she was going out (to a differnt club than where we were going) and she needed a sitter for her and her friends children and decided that she would ask my neice (who was supposed to be babysitting for me!).

So, long story short, my neice was able to make alot more money sitting for her than me, so she went to her house to sit and my husband and I stayed home.

Now it is not lost on me that not only was my sister in the wrong, but my neice was as well, but that's not my question.

My real question is, well, I wanted so much to handle my anger "correctly", or to be big enough to deal with the whole situation with no anger, but I couldn't!!!!! No I didn't yell at anyone or make a scene, I just bruded quietly untill it passed.

So, my question is did I handel it right? I feel like I was trying so hard to not get angry and it felt, well, almost fake.
Does that make sense?
I need some advice. Am I trying to hard to avoid anger? I'm feeling like I wasn't true to my feelings so much.

Is there any acceptable anger?
And if there is what is acceptable?
A little yelling maybe, or is that a no-no.

Geeshh, this a tough one for me, help!

tulip

Howdy again Tulip ,

Hmmm, well i guess it depends on how you look at the situation. Not dealing with the anger at all can eventually lead to resenting your niece or your sister. But blirting out things that you cant take back wouldnt work very well either. Maybe next time you see both of them at the same time you can sit down and let them know how hurt you felt. Just sorta tell your niece how much you were looking forward to getting out and tell your sister that you were looking forward to going out with her, but then everything changed and you didnt have a very good time. Those are just my cheezy examples you can probably think of a better way to say it...lol.

I think all anger is acceptable if you deal with it in the right way and without hurting people feelings. Not sure how hepful this will be...lol Good Luck & Take care!

Doyle

That is a very good question. Of course everyone is going to get angry at some point. But the 'how' to deal with it is what matters. You can use assertive skills here by letting them know how it affected you. I think cooling down was the best thing to do. Now you can have a civil conversation telling them that you would atleast appreciate her letting you know in enough time to find another sitter. Let her know its not good business practice to leave someone hanging. It may be that you won't want to use her again and then she'd make no money. Ask her if there is anything that bothers her about sitting for you. Ask her if 10.00 is not the going rate. You could ask around about that one first. Just communicate how it affected you and then find out how she feels. After all this is your niece and you love her and she loves you. I'd say yelling is always a no-no. It puts everyone on the defensive then no one is listening. Diplomatic is the way to go. Atleast for me it is.
Reena