I just now got off the telephone, having had a conversation with a family member who I love and care for very much. However, this person can be so rude, sarcastic, irritating and interrupts all the time. And i really don't have any thoughts which precede my automatic gut reactions...of extreme annoyance. I found myself, tonight, raising my voice and getting so angry (of course that's understandable) and voicing exactly how i feel when he's this way. This is nothing new, it happens often. (while it's happening, i'll try to recall 'self-talk' to prevent my Explosion, but 'no dice'!) And then, as always, i can hear that he's feeling hurt. I've now hurt his feelings. Often, he thinks about it and at some point, apologizes. He really is such a good person, with such a big heart, but he's so stressed. And then I feel badly that he feels badly.....And there you have it. I would love to be able to change my reaction to his ways.
Any suggestions...from someone who has had similar experiences and has found a way to truly change their reactions? Thanks.

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Linda

Hi Lindi!

Boy, can I relate to this! Believe me! One thing I learned from the Program is to "Act" and not to "react."

Of course, these are pretty words, and it does not come easy. But keep repeating them to yourself. Say to yourself, "There go those buttons again!" and do your best not to react at all. Once you hang up the phone, go ahead and vent! Then let it go.

Give it a try!
Helen

Hi Helen, Thank's for your reply. Simple and true! Don't react. It's amazing how i have effectively done this for a long time now, with so many others, and with family it's so much harder! I'm even certified as a counsellor, who not only facilitates therapy and addiction problems, but ALSO got flying colours in "communication skills and conflict resolution"!!! My hair-trigger reactions with CERTAIN people, though, need so much more work. I practiced 'not reacting' today in a couple of circumstances. Of course, it feels so much better! All we can do is keep practicing. Thank's again. Linda

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Linda

Don't be too hard on yourself, Lindi. I think family members and close friends are much harder to "not react to" than mere acquaintances or co-workers or strangers. They know which buttons to push and they know exactly where they are! Even if they don't realize they're pushing them!

Helen