I am 24 yrs old. I am married..no kids. I have been dealing with this anger all my life. I don't know what I am so angry about. I was raped at the age of 16. And my mom was bi-polar and never knew it so I grew up with that. My mom was over protective and always yelling and hitting me and my sister. Do you thinK i got it from her? Its just like every bad thing in life...makes me mad and I let it eat away at me and bug me. What can help this? Also If I am mad..I will lash out at everybody. And thats not fair to them. I am on Lexapro and Ativan. Thanks so much for reading.

In your most informative years and the budding of your womanhood you had several things going on. All suggesting to you that your worth was little. A rape. A mom hitting you all the time and yelling. These are all very degrading. And one can really wonder why they would be treated that way.

You KNEW you didn't deserve it and perhaps that is causing the anger.

I know I didn't deserve my abuse...and yet it is not the people who abused me that get my end of my hurt feelings...it is all the others around me. I have a wall up cause I am extremely tired of all the people I truly deeply trusted have wronged me with physical and emotional pain. I know I didn't deserve it. Sometimes I feel angry because I am overwhelmed with how much I can't shake that abuse....and that causes anxiety and anger.

I feel Lucinda is right. Start going thru the forgiveness process. Self talk...the truth to yourself.
And here is an idea: Get your hands on the book "Who is pulling your strings" all about manipulation. These will help you get on the right path to attract healthy people to you and you will start healing.

I most liked what Lucinda said...."those in the past we hold on to the anger with are in our present life...stripping us from the quality of life we deserve...and those who we love...get to take on the past in their present world too"

did you recently purchase the program? What do you think of it so far?

the great thing! You are in control of you now. Not mom, and not the rapist. Be good to yourself and take all the time you need to make good, safe, healthy choices for you. Good luck

hey,
There is a great book called, "Changes that Heal", a great book for what yall are talking about. Maybe sitting down and writing the people your angry at a letter, get it all out on paper, then do our grieving, take the letter fold it up and burn it. Remember unforgiveness no matter how bad the offense doesnt hurt the person our angry at, it hurts your, you retain bitterness and walls start going up. God Bless you both: Nelly

The Anger. I hate it. It is ruining my life. That mom who yells and screams all the time, that's me. My poor kids. I am so angry that my only dream in life - having a family, being married - is slipping away. I rage. I berate. I am ALWAYS irritated. Even when I try so hard to plan something nice. Seems like something ALWAYS goes wrong. Then I scream again and ruin everything. No peace. I need a guardian angel at my side at all times to help me control my anger. I don't even know why I'm so angry. But I am. I just don't know how to reprogram my brain.

Has anyone actually been able to reverse the thinking pattern that gets us into so much trouble? HELP!

Hi Eileen,
I don't have an answer for you but I can say that I know how you feel. I'm constantly angry also. I don't have kids but instead, I'm always yelling at my boyfriend! I get mad at every little thing....If I drop my keys on the way to the car, if i forget to turn somewhere....everything.

I'm a new member to this site. In fact, I haven't even done the Lucinda program. Do you have any feedback on the program before I consider spending the money?

Hi all of you who are wrestling with anger- it seems like you are being very thoughtful and aware of yourself which is great; rather than just projecting the feelings & blame outward. You might find that the anger really is masking saddness and despair but that anger is quicker and easier in some ways to experience because in it's own way it is motivating and empowering. You have to be willing to see what being anger does for you- keeps distance in intimate rlationships; puts you back "in charge" because others back down, vents unresolved intense feelings that if you allowed yourself to truly explore and experience might be deeply sad and painful. Fortunately though your self awareness and want for something better can help you allow yourself to truly explore what you are feeling under the anger. You first need to notice the trigger or the precipitating event that happens in the present. If you can figure out when you feel anger coming on, you can program in a stop-gap; a brief emotional time out, and let others know you will be doing this so they allow you time to reflect or settle before expecting a response from you. Use the breathing techniques, and the relaxation tape/cd either regularly, or strategically before you will be encountering frustrating times. Then, remind yourself that you are in conrol, and that you can be how you want to be. I used post-it notes and put them everywhere at eye level to give me reminders & pep talk type phrases in the beginning. Sometimes what you really need to do is cry- it takes the rage out of the anger somewhat, and even if you don't know why, just let it flow. Being aware of your physical self, increase in tension, breathing rate, and racing thoughts that escalate to anger is key. Once you are aware, you can try talking to yourself in your mind, like talking yourself through it in a coaching kind of way e.g. "I know I can handle this" "it's going to be okay" "no matter how bad it is, everything is temporary- if I stay cool and get through it, it will pass" reminding yourself how much you are loved and cherished can help too. Especially if you have children; I sometimes ask myself "what does my child want, need or feel right now?" then "how can I best respond" and "what is going on in the environment that is effecting us" sometimes the noise, or pace of things can be shifted to relieve the pressure. Put on soft music, slow down for a couple of minutes (shut yourself in the bathroom to take a break and give yourself time to decompress, splash water on your face...) Remeber all the impressions that early life had on you- the memories have such meaning either good or bad, so you are making memories for your children- how do you want them to remember thier young life? You want to give them love, comfort and guidance. You want them to know your strengths and talents as well as the weaknesses that are apparent- so show them. Each small step away from anger and closer to your true self will let you show them more of your true self and over time you will learn to trust your ability to inhibit the anger and reflect on it and discharge the feelings in healthier ways. Be assured that you have a right to your feelings, they are there for a reason, past events, current stressors, or even as simple as chemical or hormonal imbalances- how you act on it and what you do about it counts. I tried medications and what I can tell you is to stay away from addictive meds if you can particularly benzodiazipines because they insulate you from truly experiencing what you need to in order to get better and take personal responsibility. They buffer the effects of your own actions and others around you will still feel the intensity of the outbursts and you won't understand how painfully they feel it. I was successful with birth control pills if you can believe that, so my anger was related in some way to hormonal changes- or that at least exacerbated it. Anyhow, that's what comes to mind so I hope it helps a little bit. Use the program, it works.
C

quote:

I don't know what I am so angry about.

Leighann, what you have experienced in your young life is enough to give anyone emotional problems for a very long time-rape and a bi-polar mom who yelled at you, physically abused you, and was overprotective. All of this sends signals to the child that she is rejected as a person, not loved. Why wouldn't you be angry, this is not the norm for children who grow up and function okay. I'm not saying your Mother didn't love you, but if she did, these other signals send conflicting messages to the child and can create tremendous confusion.

I wonder what you think and believe about yourself? That you are a worthy person, worthwhile with many wonderful personal qualities and talents or do you feel worthless with little self worth and esteem or something in between these two.

Looks like you have identified much of what has created your problems which is very good. The program will help you get in touch with what you are thinking when you become angry. Usually it's our thinking which causes our anger. After a period of time we can develop an "automatic reponse" of anger to unexpected or unwanted circumstances and happenings in our lives. But, it all started with how we perceived or thought about what was happening to us. Since it was our thoughts and perceptions which created our problem with anger, it can be unlearned and more healthy ways of dealing with life events can be programmed into our thoughts and that can eventually become our "automatic response". Hope that gives you hope. The program has the potential to change how we respond and we can literally change who we are as a result. This process of changing how we think and respond takes time.

Hi Cathy & Erica:
What an intelligent thoughtful letter you wrote.
Thank you.

Fireline: I hear you. I was that Mom too.
My children are middleaged now. I can see the results. They have their own "nerves" now.

I hope you'll be okay now with the program.
I think it will work for you. And all the nice help from the posts will help too.

Good luck all.
Cornflower