I just started week 6 yesterday. The timing couldnt have been more perfect. Since coming out of a hard crash a couple of months ago I have been making a slow but steady recovery. I have been avoiding any confortations and arguments. I know this is going to sound strange but I do not look ahead of the book. Futhermore I never even read the table of contents. So each week is almost like a suprise topic. I am just going with the flow and letting each lesson just happen. This way I dont anticapate or over analize what is going to happen next. What can I say it works for me. Where I am going with this is when I was in lesson three repacing my negative thoughts I realized I wasnt just anxious or depressed I was ANGRY! I did tell my Mind MD. I never realized how bad it was for me (this program opened my eyes). It would ruin entire weekends an weeks for that matter. It makes me not sleep and be misserable to the ones I love. I have been trying really hard to keep this at bay. Last Friday the day before starting lesson 6 I blew a gasket with a one shot client. He has been beating me out of money and playing mind games with me for almost a year. I felt like ripping his head off but since we were on the phone I could only scream and tell him how unfairly he was treating me. I know I said many things I shouldnt have said. Not for the sake of the business relationship but for ruining the great place I have been mentally for the last month and a half since starting this program. I feel like I took a major step back. The positive is even though it is still eating at me a little bit two days later. I am in a much better place than if I did not have these tools. I will admit I am having a very hard time letting go. I think it was easier to gain control of my panic attacks after 20 plus years than to manage my anger and the knot is puts in my stoumach. And yes after a few day of anger I do become anxious. I dont need the buisiness that bad that I have to deal with this person. But I am in a contract that is about three months away from ending so I just cant walk away from this. The positive is I do look at this as a life lesson of what not to do "next time" so I will never be in this position again. I know I am still very fragile at this point in time and I will grow strong an be above this. But it really sucks there are assholes in this world that take advatage of people. I dont know how they sleep at night. To "resolve" this I am just going to meet his demands within reason in lieu of fighting back. I know I would win the leagal battle against him but the fight would not be worth the months of ANGER it would cause me. And I know that would put me 10 steps back. This will make me the stronger person and I really have won the fight.
BrighterDaysAhead

BrighterDaysAhead
Sounds like your following your post name, and looking at what your going through as brighter days ahead. Sometimes we can't change what's going on in this world, like you mensioned how people take advantage of others, but we can accept how things are and change how we'll react to those situations. Sounds like this program is helping you alot! It's also helped me, and I'm so thankful that I found this program, it's changing my life, and like you mensioned, after being a certain way for so long, it doesn't seem easy to change, but we are proof that you can, with the help of this program, and loveones, and the support here in this forum. Take care, Elisa

Hello, I just started lesson 6 today! I thought I knew stuff when I answered your post Nov.6th, but now being here where you were than, I saw the same, and this lesson came at the right time, and it was perfect timming for me too. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff, and anger has been fueling me for awhile, and lately I've let it out, and didn't like how I've felt, but needed to do it, but now I'll be able to control this anger I do need to let out, and talk to my love ones instead of screaming. I hope you are doing well. Take care, Elisa

Well I took my anger test, and I got a score of 15, and when I read what my score stand for, I was able to relate to the last sentence, which was; However, if your choose not to show your anger, because people might not like you or your anger frightens you, this is not fine. That's me! I need to work on this. Take care, Elisa

Brighterdaysahead,

I got a kick out of reading your post...I went thru the program the same way...not looking ahead but allowing myself some anticipation for what might be next and it not only kept me motivated...but I also think it did keep me focused on the tape I was doing and in the long run...I think it proved a very good strategy.

Elisa and Brighterdaysahead,

After reading your posts...it brought to mind something I experienced right around this point in the program or slightly before. I’m not known for my temper or for blowing my stack or yelling...but at about this time in the program...boy did I notice I had begun to experience these ‘sudden’ bursts of temper. Along with discovering that I did have anger issues with the help of this lesson...I was also having to deal with this new phenomenon...this 0 to 60 temper that seemed to be coming out of nowhere. I’m not sure what was producing it...perhaps eliminating caffeine and sugar was part of it, perhaps it is just another phase of recovery when we begin to address things we haven’t thought about or other questions and thoughts we’ve avoided...I don’t know...but thankfully that phase passed as quickly as it came.

I just thought it was interesting that you both had expressed the ‘letting out of anger’ right around the time you were doing this lesson...and it reminded me that the same had happened to me...and I don’t think it necessarily had to do with listening to this lesson, as much as maybe it is more the process of recovery and they just (like so many other things in this program) timed this lesson very very well...to give us tools to deal with the process we are bound to be going thru at this stage in the game.

Anyway...just an observation I thought you both might find interesting...and to let you know that if this was something you’ve noticed and/or are concerned about...that for me...the increase in my temper passed on as quickly as it came.

Take care,
JOP

Hello JOP
Interesting observation I wonder if this is a part of the process of being more incontrol of our feeling, and getting rid of our anxietys, I don't know, but it does sound good. It is pretty amazing that 3 people would go through the same experiances. I wonder if more people who's done this program had gone through the same thing? I know I'm not a angry person, but I do know I keep a lot of my emotions inside me, and anger must of been one of them, because boy they are comming out! I myself don't like acting this way, but I think I need too,and let some of these emotions out, that's what my daughter therapist said not my words. Sorry for all the misspellings it's 4am, and I'm not able to correct them. Take care, Elisa