I can control the anger. I don't feel it as much anymore since I moved out of my Mom's house. We had fights every day. Now I only have little spurts of anger when I'm depressed and/or anxious. They don't last long and I can stop them pretty quick. It's the other mood swings I can't handle.

On Saturday morning, my fiance told me I quit the day care at a bad time because I won't get my first check from subbing until Oct.1st. He left to stop by the store and I cried and cried! I sobbed and said, "what are we going to do? This is all my fault! Why didn't I do better last year and not lose my job?"

One time, not too long ago, we both went to the grocery store late at night. Walking into the store, I walked in the exit door near the registers instead of the entrance door near the produce. My fiance made a comment like, "wow. You're retarded, aren't you?" We always joke like that and I call him names and stuff too, but tonight I couldn't take it and snapped at him. For the rest of the trip at the store I was beating myself up and telling myself how stupid I am and how easy that was and I had to mess that up too. When we got back in the car, I started balling. He got sick of my mood swings and yelled at me and told me to stop being such a child and grow up. I nearly went into a panic attack and he had to talk me down from crying for an hour when we got home.

How do I stop being so hard on myself? I tell myself, it's OK, everyone makes mistakes, but sometimes it's TOO MANY mistakes. Then I just feel stupid again.

AAHHHH!! I guess I need to back track to the CD about negative/positive self-talk huh?

Hi MsPurple,
Even though you've heard it before I'd like to say that you should never stop being your own best cheer leader. You are a wonderful person. You have strengths that are your's and no one elses. You are the best MsPurple the world has ever had. Never give up on yourself. We won't here and you should too. Forgive others little mistakes and forgive yourself as well.

I do this one stupid thing too often its caused me so much anxiety about my self and my own stupidity. When checking out at a store, I forget to reach for my change. If it's not for an honest person at the register, I've probably not gotten change from time to time. That's just kind of stupid. But that's me and something I work on continuously. But I know some of my strengths and I hold tight onto them. Thank God my husband knows my stengths and values them too.

What are your strengths? What are the unique traits that are part of your make up and make you MsPurple?
Write 'em down. Carry them with you till they are easy to recall and easy to remind yourself during times that try to get you in the negative. Can you get to a place where you laugh comfortably about yourself? Know that you are awesome regardless of any thing. My best to you. You are wonderful. Never forget that! -Anne

Hello Life is Better!
Thank you for that post!
You wrote to her (the above post) what I needed to hear.
I had a bad day. I snapped at a neighbor and was angry at the folk who "fixed" my sewing machine (it wouldn't work).
I was really down on myself for the anger and for snapping at someone and for various reasons.
I couldn't feel good about anything.
But I've read your post and suddenly I feel better.
I hoped it helped the person it was meant for.
Thank you very much.
Mary Jane

Thank you! You guys are great! My fiance knows now he shouldn't have yelled at me and it's the only time in 8 years he's lost his patience with me. I'm trying to get him to listen to the "I'll be there for you" CD, but he's reluctant! I guess he didn't know this program meant he would have homework too!

I like your idea about carrying around my strengths in my pocket and I'll do that. I'll try to memorize them and I'll repeat them to myself when I need to.

I have a positive outlook today and I'm hoping to get an interview for a teaching position soon. There's a 1st grade position at a school where I've been subbing a lot recently, so hopefully the staff will put in a good word. I'm also working there ALL next week in their first grade classes! Maybe the 1st grade team will like me enough they'll want me to stay! Ok, so that's reaching, but I'm at least hoping for an interview.

Thanks for the advice, and you're right. I am the best MsPurple the world has ever seen!