I've been wanting to ask this question for some time.

As many of us women here can relate, we were raised to think that being angry was unacceptable or "not lady-like" as my mother put it. I've learned to stuff my anger all these years and now after 3 years of therapy, my therapist is helping me to explore ways of accepting my anger without guilt and expressing it appropriately. As a matter of fact, she is telling me that most of my anxiety and depression is due to these repressed feelings and once I am not afraid to face them and do, that my anxiety will slowly go away for good.

So I asked her, what do I do? Well, she has encouraged me to journal and get it out on paper and I am trying and I am finding that the more I write the angrier I get. It feels so self-indulgent. I told her that I've wanted my husband to put up a punching bag for me on our patio and she said that since he hasn't that it's time for me to take the inititative and put it up myself and that using the punching bag would be a very good way to releasing anger.

Can any of you share how you have been encouraged to appropriately release your angry feelings in a positive way?

Therapy is such hard work, isn't it.

Thanks so much for anything you can share on this topic.

Calico

Ok, Calico, if i tell you this you can't laugh at me...This is what i've done in the past. When i get super pissed I'll act out how I would "tell the person off". Whomever it was that got me upset, I imagine how I would take care of it if there weren't any consequences. It usually makes me feel all rough and tough!!! It helps. Also, I will tell my anger to something thats not real; like a door. after about a minute or so I feel so ridiculous that I end up laughing my anger out. I'm talking to a freaking door!!! Hope this helps you a little.

love-amy

Calico,
I feel the same way when I start writing too, then I have to release the anger, sometimes I turn on the music and just start dancing until I'm exhausted, it helps. I guess its better then taking it out on someone who doesn't deserve it!
Punching bad sounds really good tho!
Hope it all works out
Take care,
Lisa

Hi Calico!
Therapy is VERY hard work It sounds like what you are doing is similar to what our workbook would have you do.
For me I have to do something physical to release my anger. The best way for me is jogging. When I'm really I sprint! It releases alot of that built up tension. I am then calmer and in a better frame of mind to work on what is or has been bothering me.

I ask myself if this is something from the past...is there anything I can do to change it? Making amends w/ someone or maybe forgiving them or, myself because I was young and didn't know any better

One day I went to this waterfall that has become my spiritual place for healing. I made a forgiveness list of all of the people that I thought contributed to my anger/resentment. Tears just started to flow... I heard that crying is good for cleansing the eyes to see clearer again. Life is so short to judge,blame, and most importantly to beat ourselves up! I have found that if I can't dissolve or resolve the issue I'm going to let it go!!! Do you remember the story(I'm not sure if you have the program)about the man that is so mad at his boss. He's still mad at home, after he's done being around this guy all day and, he's mad at dinner, mad throughout the entire weekend which are his days off BECAUSE he's brought his boss "home" w/ him! It is sooo true. We like to hang on to things for days, wks, and even years. We don't have to live that way It's our choice! Every thing we do is from how we choose to think! I hope you get that punching bag hung up ASAP then punch or kick away girl!!!

You'll feel so much better
Diane

quote:

Originally posted by calico:
I've been wanting to ask this question for some time.

As many of us women here can relate, we were raised to think that being angry was unacceptable or "not lady-like" as my mother put it. I've learned to stuff my anger all these years and now after 3 years of therapy, my therapist is helping me to explore ways of accepting my anger without guilt and expressing it appropriately. As a matter of fact, she is telling me that most of my anxiety and depression is due to these repressed feelings and once I am not afraid to face them and do, that my anxiety will slowly go away for good.

So I asked her, what do I do? Well, she has encouraged me to journal and get it out on paper and I am trying and I am finding that the more I write the angrier I get. It feels so self-indulgent. I told her that I've wanted my husband to put up a punching bag for me on our patio and she said that since he hasn't that it's time for me to take the inititative and put it up myself and that using the punching bag would be a very good way to releasing anger.

Can any of you share how you have been encouraged to appropriately release your angry feelings in a positive way?

Therapy is such hard work, isn't it.

Thanks so much for anything you can share on this topic.

Calico

[This message has been edited by dl (edited 08-31-2001).]

Thanks for the input everyone. DL - I did write a letter to someone I had to make peace with (who is now deceased) and then burned it - it felt so good to get it all out and then let it go. To hang on to all of this anger is not good at all, trouble is that through therapy I've only begun to experience just how angry I am, after stuffing it all my life. So now it's like this big hurricane is being stirred up in my soul. I can see that letting it go is the most important thing, but also know it is a process - a very important process that can't be ignored, as I have for as long as I can remember. Got to get that punching bag up - I hear it will not only help to release my anger, but will also build up the strengh in my upper arms and also build up my stamina - Grin!

Take care,
Calico

I think I will write a prologue to my own post, as I have had a major breakthrough in the area of forgiveness. I won't go into details, but it was spiritual cleansing that took place a couple of nights ago and I cried and just let it all out and allowed myself to authentically feel all that was inside of me and to completely let it go. I've learned that something good truly does comes from everything if you look long and deep enough - yes, even the most painful of experinces can bring a harvest of personal and spiritual growth. All, I know, is that every since this catharsis, the burden is gone, is has been lifted and given to it's Rightful Owner and in its place is a greater sense of love and understanding.

I've read this quote (not sure who to give the credit to) quite often and I hope I quote it correctly, but I've read forgiveness described this way:

"Forgiveness is the scent of a violet that clings fast to the heel that crushed it".

How beautiful is that?

Peace to all,
Calico

This article on CNN is about How to complain, which is not directly related to your question, calico. However, anger stems from dissatisfaction towards others, or self. Sometimes we can express the dissatisfaction before it internalizes into anger. This short article suggests several ways to express dissatisfaction.

drop

[This message has been edited by drop (edited 09-10-2001).]