Dear friends,

I'm having trouble with anger turning inward. I always feel the need to understand the other person, and so do not react in anger. Later though, I feel so drained and lost. I think anger is a very bad thing, and yet I'm good at bashing myself down. At times, I feel like it would be wise to leave town rather than respond to someone who has angered me. I have good reasons to be angery. I just want to find peace inside myself, and not feel like I can be upset without upsetting the person, who is actually being awful to me. It's a big problem since I feel like a tea kettle slowing building up pressure, and I don't want to experience this anymore. I want to feel confident and respected. I didn't think this week was going to be one I needed to focus on, now I'm realising how much I hold myself back to keep everyone happy and to care for others.
I don't know how to start. Does anyone know how to start letting someone know they are upsetting you with their actions and words?
Is it even worth it? I like peace.

Kris

Dear Kris

Try being assertve. There is a big difference being angry and blowing than just not saying a thing to someone who has upset you. There is a middle ground. You can tell someone "hey, don't speak to me that way", or "I'm not going to deal with your comments" with out yelling or getting really upset. The next time someone is awful to you tell them that you don't deserve to be treated that way and simply walk away. You don't have to get angry and hurtful toward someone else to let them know you do not deserve to be treated badly and that you won't put up with it.

Good Luck, Mellie

Dear Kris,

Lesson six and seven helped me so much with this. I never knew how angry I was-from childhood! Slowly the undealt with anger turned into depression. Believe me there is a better way. Use the skills in the program to help you.

Remember, most of the time, what the other person is doing or saying is about THEM, not about you. Their behavior tells us far more about them than it tells about us. Understand? If we can cultivate a mental habit of not taking things personnally-wow-we will feel so much more peaceful.

I hope you will share your progress with us.
Carolyn MWC

Carolyn,

Yes, it is from childhood. I'm so angry tonight. I will listen to the anger lesson to see if I can put this in perspective.
When I was a child, I did all kinds of things to get attention, most turned aganist myself, I was so angry and no one noticed.
You would think after a whole life of seeing that turning aganist myself is not getting the attention I need or needed that I'd stop.
I don't think I ever had anyone telling me how to express anger, or that it was okay. I don't think there was time. There was always something more important than my emotions.
I'm so angry about things being unfair, when I try.
The only thing that's making me feel better is thinking that it is THEM, that there behavior says more about them, not me. And, that is something I cannot control. I can only control my actions and reactions.
I don't want to feel this way anymore. I can't stop hurting and feeling afraid. I'm afraid things will be unfair forever.
Thinking of reacting different. The way I feel is important to ME. I'm not sure what this means now, but I have got to figure it out. I'm starting to think of calming down, and not putting up with so much any more. Even if it means walking away and caring for myself. I'm going to try reacting the opposite with self love, then calm assertiveness.
Before I started this program, I never thought I had an anger problem to work on.
guess I do.
Kris