 
     |
|
Stress Center Community Forums "Attacking Anxiety & Depression" Program Session 6 - Stop Being Angry and Control Your Mood Swings Discouraged...|
Go
|
New
|
Find
|
Notify
|
Tools
|
Reply
|
|
Hello,
I am on Lesson 6 of Lucinda's program, and I felt I needed to vent a little. If your not interested in reading some negative comments, you might want to quit reading now. O.K., here I go...For 6 weeks I have worked my tail off. There is nothing in the workbook that I haven't practiced daily. I must say I do not relate with Lesson 6 at all...but that's another story. But I'm posting under lesson 6's directory so few people will be influenced by anything negative I have to say, and also because it's the lesson I'm currently working on. To the point...I have no job, yet I have 2 degrees and have a CPA license. I am a 26 year old male and had to recently move back in with my parents. I am severely agoraphobic, almost house bound, and I spend the majority of my day in an uncomfortable state of mind. Not only am I almost house bound, but I must have someone with me. It's so disheartening and depressing. Lucinda's program has always been my last resort and 6 weeks ago I felt it was time to spend the money for my peace of mind. Unfortunately I have not recognized any benefit from the program. I am ever bit as house bound as when I started and I am continuously anxious. I work SOOO hard. Every day I make myself face my fears. I eat right, utilize the relaxation tape, and exercise daily. I also keep a journal and monitor my negative thoughts. But It seems as if I'm taking one step forward and two steps back. I'm on medication (Paxil & Xanax) but I see little beneficial effects from these. I have started to look into Mental Hospital's in the area, but none have patients with Panic Disorder. I identified so much with Mike on Tape 2 when he asked his doctor if lobotomy's were still performed...I too have wondered whether or not I should look into a lobotomy. I am afraid to die, yet I'm afraid to live....I am not living, I am merely existing. What is my purpose for posting? I don't really know, I just wanted to let my feelings out. I always try to convey to my parents that I'm doing well and I'm getting better, It would upset them to know that I'm not moving forward, and as most of you can identify with, we really don't want to hurt anyone else. I am committed to continue Lucinda's program. But I'm afraid it is doing nothing for me save for taking up time when I would otherwise be engaged in anxious thoughts. I wonder if it is possible for someone to have panic disorder so badly that the brain can not be rewired, I think I am a prime candidate considering the amount of work I've put into this. But life is not fair, and at least I hope that some of you who are reading this take something away from my message...that your not the worst off. I wish everyone the best. Jamie |
|||
|
*Lindi* |
Hi Jamie, I can honestly tell you that there was a time, many years ago, when i could NOT have worked this program, no matter how i may have tried. I was severely agoraphobic and was totally housebound at that time. I was filled with panic symptoms all the time. I was 'over the top'! If you feel that the two medications you are taking are not helping you at all, would you consider getting off of them? There is a possibility one of them could be complicating matters. How long have you been on both of these? (i'm surprised the xanax doesn't remove alot of the fear, as i believe it's alot like valium) Paxil helps many and is not at all helpful for some. I'm asking this, to establish how you were BEFORE taking these meds. You mention that you try to keep how you are feeling from your parents. By admitting the TRUTH of how you're feeling, you aren't doing anything to hurt them! But you ARE hurting yourself by keeping this a secret and pretending. You have nothing to feel ashamed of. It is scary to have to hide who you are.....it's an 'extra' burden. My parents NEVER could understand what was happening with me and would not acknowledge it, so that felt very upsetting for me back then. For me, to be around people who couldn't 'believe' how i was feeling, and who got upset whenever they heard about it....only made me feel much more scared and much less 'safe'. So, that situation IN ITSELF isn't healthy for you, is it? Can you try to work at this program in a slower, more gentle way? The reason i would have been unable to do these lessons with any success many years ago, was that my entire nervous system was just too far gone, and i needed to do 'something else' first. My nervous system need 'calming down' and i received alot of help at a school for training in psychotherapy...this was two blocks from home, and i attended this school when i could finally get that far. I learned meditation, relaxation, did hundreds of therapy sessions with other students,worked at creating a 'foundation' for myself, whereby i could BEGIN to deal with the fear inside of me. We can only begin 'wherever we are'! Are you seeing anybody...a therapist who you trust and who has an idea of what you are going through? Okay, maybe i've said enough for now. I don't believe you should ever have to apologize for writing anything that sounds 'negative' here on this Forum!!! It is how you are honestly feeeling right now, so that has to be okay! You are not alone, believe me. I truly do know what it is like to be fearful at all times AND housebound and hopeless!! And i ALSO know that you will not REMAIN this way, as i didn't. Please know this. God bless and talk with you again. Keep writing to us here. A big Hug, Lindi
------------------ Linda |
|||
|
|
||||
|
Dear Jamie
I have to agree with Lindi, in particular about the medication part. In some cases antidepressants CAN make anxiety worse. Try to remember how you felt before you started taking it. Also keep in mind that doctors treat anxiety and depression with medication because they literally don't know any other way and find it hard to belive that medications can sometimes make a person worse. But I'm living proof that they can. The two antideprssants that I tried not only didn't help, but made me feel a lot more anxiety and nothing could have helped me at that point. Also please keep in mind that this program and medications are not the only things out there that can help you. There are some wonderful books out there that have been very helpful to me. Two on anxiety by Doctor Claire Weekes. One is called "Hope And Help For Your Nerves" and the other is called "Peace From Nevous Suffering." There is also a great book out there on depression called "Feeling Good" by Doctor David Burns. I would recomend you read one of the Claire Weekes book and see what you think. They are very short and easy to read and shouldn't take you more than a few days to finish. I highly recomoned these books to any one suffering with anxiety. I can honestly say that I don't know where I would be with out them. You may also want to heed the rest of Lindi's advive. Everything she said makes a lot of sence. Also keep in mind that everyone has bad days, especially in the begining of recovery. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself all the time you need. Remember that everyone recovers at there own pace and unfortunatly it takes longer for some of us. Don't beat yourself up for this. Be good to yourself and remember you deserve to take as much time as you need to get yourself better. Don't rush, and don't let a bad day hinder what you have worked so hard to acclomplish. Best of Luck, Mellie  |
||||
|
Hi Jamie,
As I read your message,I felt a sadness in my heart because I can relate. It must be very challenging for you to work so hard at conquering anxiety, yet you feel like you aren't getting anywhere. I totally know what that's like and I can tell you that YOU ARE GETTING BETTER. The fact that you had the courage to talk about your feelings and your daily life to other people is incredible. You must be a very strong person to keep up the pace everyday, listening to the tapes and keeping your journal. Let me tell you, I've had Lucinda's program for over 2 years and never completed it before. I must have started it (with great intentions) at least 5 or 6 times. The other day I woke up feeling lousy and I made the decision that I was going to do it this time no matter what. I don't base my progress on the weekly tapes - I take my time and make sure that I take at least 1 or 2 things with my before moving onto the next one. So what if it took me 9 days to finish with step 2??? We all work at a different pace. Guess what? I'm on step 3 AGAIN! (I can laugh at the situation now, which is great). There is a positive trigger/switch for everyone and I think I found mine the other day. For the first time in YEARS I felt GREAT! The house was quiet and I just sat on my bed, closed my eyes and pictured all of the things that make me feel happy inside (we all have something). I pictured words like "calm" and "soothing" over and over again and I felt soo great for the rest of the day. It's such a struggle for me to stay positive and while I can't always stop negative thoughts from creeping into my mind throughout the day, I have my mental "stop" sign ready. I now ask myself "Are these thoughts valid???" Usually the answer is "NO", so a little voice in my head says "OK, then STOP!" I've got to be firm with myself because the moment I start to feel sorry for myself - that's it. The negative thoughts start up again. Give it a try. I know you can and remember - don't be so hard on yourself.Give yourself praise for everything you do. Literally pat yourself on the back, whether you simply stand in the doorway of your house or sit in a room alone for 5 minutes. Every little bit counts... And by the way - you don't have the worst case of anxiety either. Someone out there is suffering even more. Hope to hear back from you soon.. Sue 
|
||||
|
Hi Jamie,
I can relate also in a lot of ways. I was a happy-go-lucky person before all of this happened and then I had a "big" panic attack. After that, my world became smaller and smaller. I was known as a road tripper and someone who didn't stay home a lot, and when I started having to stay home all the time because I was so scared to leave and face the panic attack, I got scared and thought I was going to have to live with this forever. I suffered from depression because of this disorder and I thought that there would be no way out. I don't think I was as "bad" as you are, but I was pretty bad for who I was because that wasn't me. I too felt that I was merely existing when I had just graduated college and should have "the world by the tail" or whatever they say. I was lucky I found this program after I was 6 mos. into the "bad" part of my problems with anxiety. I did everything that workbook said and the tapes said...whatever it said, I did it religiously because I wanted to get better. I think the depression was the hardest thing for me. I have never been so far down in a pit like I was. I wasn't on anything for the depression, but I did have Xanax when it did get bad. I am 23 and moved with my parents and still have no job...although I am looking, so I know what you are going through. My mom has helped me a lot through all of this and has helped me get through the real tough times (along with God). I didn't think I was going to get rid of all this stuff, but it has slowly lifted. I am still working on the program but there have been a lot of changes...and I know that you are probably changing but you just don't "know it" yet. I didn't think I was...and I see how far I have come...what a difference! Anyway, give it some more time. You owe it to yourself and love yourself enough to work through this, you can do it! Take care and let us know how you are doing, Cindy PS. I still wish we could get a new brain or rewire our old ones! |
||||
|
I'm writing this with tears in my eyes...and although I like to think of myself as "macho" and "strong" I can not help letting a tear run down my cheek when I read the replies that you wonderful people wrote. I didn't expect anyone to read my entire message (my thought was why would anyone care?)...but I guess deep down I posted the message looking for some kind of response. Lindi, Suzie-q, Mellie, & Cysmith5150 you literally touched my heart and I can only say I sincerely thank you.
It's amazing what a few kind and encouraging words from strangers can do for your hope. I will continue working hard, I will also re-evualte my medication and I will certainly let you know how things are going. Thank you again friends. You given me a spark, and a spark is one heck of a good thing! Love, Jamie |
||||
|
|
*Lindi* |
Hi again Jamie! Well, it brought tears to MY eyes reading what you just wrote. I am SO, SO grateful that we have given you some sense of HOPE and ENCOURAGMENT!!!! I know that this HOPE may feel quite faint, within the context of such severe anxiety....but HOPE has wings to fly with!! Please allow yourself to write WHATEVER it is you are feeling, here on this Forum. As you can see, we care very much and you can think of us as your SUPPORT, a place to LEAN ON, until you begin to feel yourself improving. God bless and talk with you later. Lindi
|
|||
|
Dear Jamie
I think I speak for everyone when I say "Glad we could help!" Sometimes just getting a different perspective on things can help tremendously. Like I said keep in mind that the program is not the only thing out there. I'm not saying it won't help you but IF it isn't for you, there are plenty of other resources at your disposal. Then again, sometimes if we have a bad day it can feel like all of our efforts have been futile, keep this in mind as well. It doesn't mean what you have been doing was for nothing, it just means you lost sight of it because of a diffucult time in your recovery. This is something that WE ALL go through, you are not the only one. And remember, if you ever need any more advice we will be here. Best Wishes, Mellie |
||||
|
Jamie,
Just as Mellie says, we are glad to help. We have been in your same place, in one way or another. You will get past this, just as we have...you just keep moving and trek you way til you get to the top of each little hill you are faced with and look out and see how far you have come. It will take time, but you can do it. I'm glad we have lit your fire! (I just saw Cast Away, and "come on baby light my fire" is in my head! ) Anyway, let us know how you are doing and keep climbing that mtn...you will get there!Sincerely, Cindy |
||||
|
Hi Jamie,
I just read your post for the second time, and I truly know what you are going through. There was a time when I remember feeling just like you described. Guess what though I know you will get better, just because of the fact you are facing your problem, and you are reaching out for support and help. First of all I would like to share to be sure and get the book What Do You Say To Yourself When You Talk To Yourself by, Shad Helmsetter. It is terrific and it is the root of our whole problem, that's is where it all starts. It is our thoughts telling us lies!!!! Start to reprogram the truth about yourself. There is no way you could of accomplished what you have already and not been a wonderful person, not to mention how much you have going for you!!!. Remember one thing the negative things you tell yourself are THOUGHTS ONLY THOUGHTS!!!! not truths. Also I want to share something that someone shared with me that touched my heart...Don't quit when the tide is lowest for it's just about to turn, Don't quit over doubts and questions, for there's something you may learn. Don't quit when the night is darkest for it's just awhile til dawn; Don't quit when you've run the farthest for the race is almost won, Don't quit when the hill is steepest, for your goal is almost nigh, Don't quit for your not an failure until you fail to try. I also want to share this prayer with you. Iam a Christian and maybe this will help. May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. I beleive that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble to fly!!!I want you to know that you have all the support in the world, and I know that any of us are willing to help you in any way we can. I truly will be praying for you . In fact I did pray for you today while I was lying in the tanning bed. I didn't remember your name. Be sure and write us and let us know how you are. God Bless, bye for now Kathy |
||||
|
Dear Jamie,
As I read your post I could feel your desperation, with the program and life in general. I have those days more often than not. I don't own the program but have read Bassett's books on anxiety. I've heard great things about the program so I'm glad that you now have some basic tool to help you out in difficult times. I clearly remember reading that recovery is one step forwards and two steps back (if not more). The easiest thing to do I've found out is to give in to anxiety and let it overpower you. The hardest thing is to fight it and work at it, as you are doing. Of course this is easier said than done. We can all relate to your post. This is a great place to come and seek information. I think that coming here was exactly what you probably needed to get you through the rough spot your are going through presently. I hope to see you around  . Don't give up.You may want to look at the "General" questions (before lesson 1). There is a great post on "inspirations/ poemes" etc that may give you a little boost. All the best. |
||||
|
Jamie,
You are not alone. You have come to the right place for help. We all want a quick 'fix' from this problem. Unfortunately, It takes alot of time and hard work. Someone once said to me 'stop fighting every thing in your life. Accept it,, and work hard to try and change it.'Little steps first. Walk to the end of your street and then praise yourself for your accomplishment and for being brave and strong. Getting a puppy really helped me because I was forced to take the dog outside for small walks etc. The dog kind of brings you back to reality when you are in a panic. My heart goes out to you. I totally understand your feelings. I felt worse when I started the program for about 3 wks then slowly , by practicing the skills, I began to feel better and you will too. Please know that you are not alone. You have taken the right steps to begin your recovery. God Bless You. Lora |
||||
|
I have now printed this entire thread out and saved it for those times when I feel I need a little support.
I hope one day soon, I can repay the great favor I received from you to someone new who is having trouble. Kathy, what you wrote was so Inspiring I printed a copy of the poem and prayer and posted it on my wall to look at daily. Thankyou so much for your prayers. "Cutufa" you said, "I think that coming here was exactly what you probably needed to get you through the rough spot your are going through presently." I can tell you hit the nail on the head, I have felt signifcantly better the past two days, in part to kind messages like yours. "Lora", all day long I've been telling myself not to fight it, and it works....I just relax and let things take their course. I do have a dog, she is old, but she loves her walks, and instead of my mom walking her everyday, I'm going to start pitching in myself. Thanks so much everyone...I want you all to know this. I don't know how the past couple of days have been for any of you, but If a bad thought or feeling comes your way, just let yourself know that you helped one guy feel a lot better for a couple of days, and I hope that is something you can smile about, becuase you surely made me smile. Love & Thanks, Jamie |
||||
|
Hi Jamie,
I am so glad that you were blessed by the poem and pray. I pray that it will begin to help you while you work on your limitations. I know it will. You sound better already. I know you can do this, just do a little each day and keep a journal. Be sure you give yourself positive affirmation about everything you do. It is better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all. That sounded good about trying to start walking your dog a little bit. Just keep saying I am going to walk my dog and it is gonna be fun. My dog will really like this walk. At the beginning you truly may not believe it but trust me it will become easier. I have a struggle with driving and now I am on the road again. I try to practice everyday. It is harder somnetimes than others. I can say it is gradually getting better. The farthest I've gone is 15 miles. I have trouble, like the program says, to think of myself as my safe place. I want to get to the point where I no longer fear the attack. I know once that happens they will no longer have any power over me. I think that is where the relaxation tapes come in. When we learn how to diaphramatic breathe we then can immediately stop the attack and then at the same time talk to yourself in a calming way. It really really helps. Do not feed your fear by overreacting to our symptoms. The key is to do the things we fear over and over again. Believe it or not it will eventually go away. I will admit it takes alot of hard work. I know one thing for sure we are really strong people. I used to have problems with restaurants, lines, shows, crowded places etc. I have overcome those issues. I have forced myself to go on 7 cruises since I've had this struggle and each one has gotten easier. The first one I talked in a microphone for 3 or 4 months and kept telling myself all positive things. I did it!!!! I am married and I met my husband when he was 14. We have been together for 35 years. I have a daughter 24 and a son 27. This hit me when I was 34 years old. It was horrible. My husband and I own our own Hairstyling salon. I have never let this keep me from working as of yet. My work has helped me take the focus off myself. It is really been hard through these years. There were many times I thought I couldn't do it.I get alot of strength from the Lord. I hope you have a good weekend and things will start to get better. Try and get that book I reccomended it will help you too!!! By for now, God Bless Kathy |
||||
|
| Previous Topic | Next Topic | powered by eve community | Page 1 2 |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
|
|||
| Site | Stress Center Community | ||
| Servlet | eve1da045 | ||
| Version | 1.2.22 build 9062 | ||
| Module | Forums 4.0.3 | ||
| Stylesheet | "Stress Center" | ||
| Wordlet Set | "Default Wordlet Set" | ||
|
