Hello-

I bought the program about 2 years ago because I was having terrible anxiety and depression. I have found it to be helpful, but I keep getting stuck. Well, I have passed on beyond the anger chapter, but I am still VERY angry.

I am currently weaning off my anxiety/depression medication because of undesired side effects. I want to try and go it without meds. But I am so angry almost all the time!

I think my anger really DOES come from something that offends my sense of justice---something that doesn't meet my standards and expectations. I get angry VERY quickly and often stay angry for a long time.

I UNDERSTAND rationally that anger is only hurting me (sometimes I even get chest pains and headaches, I get so mad!) and I UNDERSTAND rationally that I can choose to not be angry, but I am very stuck. It just doesn't seem so easy!

This is the first time I have written. I listened to tape 8 tonight (I am aslo a major worrier), but I still feel like I need to address the anger. Perhaps part of it is withdrawal, but it has been months...

Thanks!

Laurana

This is where I am stuck also. How many times, and how many things do I need forgive? My cup runneth over in the forgiveness arena. And I too believe it has something to do with a sense of justice...right and wrong. I don't have my skills developed in letting the past be the past...or perhaps not grieving it and the lifelong consequences on my life...like my uncle who used me as a fall person for an insurance scandal and beat me and tried to drown me...I was only 19. But I was young, nieve, and insecure. What better person to use? If family treats you like this? What creates a confidence level in any other relationship?

Lets chat together and see if we can reveal what the anger and/or forgiveness issues really are here.

quote:

I UNDERSTAND rationally that anger is only hurting me (sometimes I even get chest pains and headaches, I get so mad!) and I UNDERSTAND rationally that I can choose to not be angry, but I am very stuck. It just doesn't seem so easy!

I have a theory that when I get scared I get anxious which escelates to extreme frustration and manifests as anger. I have very serious anger issues which is driving those I love away from me.

Knowing is not the same as managing but I pray that by knowing I can begin to understand and from understanding begin to manage before it is too late.

I agree it's not easy. I still have anger issues, but not nearly as badly as I used to thanks to the MWC program. If we have truly been treated unjustly we do have a right to our anger. But, is it worth getting angry? Are the feelings which come with anger worth it? Sometimes it may be, but my experience has been that usually it's not worth it. It usually causes me more discomfort than it is worth. I still overreact to things sometimes, but I am learning each day how to adjust.

I know for myself that meds being off can make me very irritable, so coming off of meds could make the situation much more complex. I work with a woman who is continually allowing herself to get upset over the most ridiculous things at work. In my opinion, she likes to do this. I hate it and hate being around her. I think that some of her negativity impacts me and makes me negative to a degree. But, I also know it's my choice how I choose to respond to her and for the most part I am managing okay. I want to be a more postive person and I know I still have some ways to go. Being more aware of what I was thinking and using the 24 hour wait period before responding if I got upset helped me very much in breaking the hold that anger had on me. Learning forgiving and letting go has also helped alot. In my own mind forgiveness is not for the other person, but for myself so that I don't become a prisoner of anger and bitterness.

I think my journey to getting past being angry was exactly as jwm has described. First becoming aware, then beginning to understand myself and my reactions, then learning how to change my reactions. Breaking an ingrained habit or behavior takes time. Learning to love ourselves unconditionally and forgiving ourselves also helps sooth us and helps us be less angry people.

quote:

Originally posted by Don53:
If we have truly been treated unjustly we do have a right to our anger. But, is it worth getting angry?

I grew up in a violent environment and learned to cover my fear with anger. I lived in a constant state of subconscious anxiety and would go to full "combat ready" literally in a second prepared for anything from a verbal assault to physical confrontation. This reaction was not a conscious choice but learned behavior which became autonomous physical response.

I don't think it is fair to term every-person as having the opportunity to choose to be angry or not in all circumstances. I think sometimes, for some of us the trick is to recognize what has happened and make the conscious effort to re-engage our reasoning to physically calm ourselves down. I know it sounds sophmorically simple but knowing is only the first step in controlling. When your body is saying "strike" - "kick" - "you are in danger" it takes considerable effort to reassert reasoning.

jwm,

Yours is the most useful message I have read so far - for me. It makes so much sense!

Hiding fear with anger - When you're a kid and scared to death of all the senseless violence around you (and nobody's there to protect you or stop what's happening)....well, you try to put up an angry front in the hopes it will protect you.

Yes, you're right - recognizing what has happened in the past and then re-assessing it as an adult with new skills is the most sensible way to go.

Thank you!

quote:

Originally posted by jwm:

quote:

Originally posted by Don53:
If we have truly been treated unjustly we do have a right to our anger. But, is it worth getting angry?

I grew up in a violent environment and learned to cover my fear with anger. I lived in a constant state of subconscious anxiety and would go to full "combat ready" literally in a second prepared for anything from a verbal assault to physical confrontation. This reaction was not a conscious choice but learned behavior which became autonomous physical response.

I don't think it is fair to term every-person as having the opportunity to choose to be angry or not in all circumstances. I think sometimes, for some of us the trick is to recognize what has happened and make the conscious effort to re-engage our reasoning to physically calm ourselves down. I know it sounds sophmorically simple but knowing is only the first step in controlling. When your body is saying "strike" - "kick" - "you are in danger" it takes considerable effort to reassert reasoning.

JWM...I can so relate to the violence imbalance. I was the oldest of 5 children, raised by an emotionally ill step-mom. Mostly of what I remember is being scared most of the time...whipped every day (and we were good kids...never did drugs, smoked, sex, lies, cheating, etc)and even as a 17 year old. I don't remember being supported even I really needed my parents help to handle the stress their environment had on me. I used to hide my bros and sis' and basically raise the children. In H.S. I was given 1 hour per night to study and expected to successfully obtain a college prep diploma and put myself thru private school. I remember 5 "I'm proud of you's" in my whole up-bringing. I became very introverted. My father shamed me in relation to being a girl (which later I discovered was because his kid sister had been raped and he wanted to protect me.) But that protection ostersized me from nearly all other children. I wasn't allowed to have social time as a child. So our environment was quite controlled and not a lot of outlet from that.

when you talk about recognizing and making a conscious effort to re-engage our reasoning to physically calm ourselves down...is there anything that you have found that works for you?

I think the anger and fear turned inward for me...which cultivated the negative thinking. somehow I listened to all my step mom's nonsense in all her problems were mine to own...and I just wanted to sleep all night without having to protect the kids from flying objects in yet another parental battle...I just wanted the shame to stop from seeking help. I just wanted to be safe....free....loved.

For some reason....though I did extensive work the minute I left home....very controlling, abusive males seek ME to date me. It is so tiring to even be approached...it is so degrading.

what in the world could be magnetizing them to me? I nearly start to doubt myself if I am even approached anymore...cause of the consistency.

I deserve different. We all deserve different. You are not alone in how that childhood made it mandatory to spend so much time undoing, regrouping, and attempting success in the adult life.

it simply hurts....and seems rather justified in the expression of anger.

Somewhere, sometime, there has to be some ability to undo completely....or perhaps not?