Hello, this is my first time here. I just got done listening to Session 6 for the first time and it made me think alot about a really bad fight I had with my mom last summer. We argued really bad and I was never that angry before. It was over her behavior and past issues that were still bothering me. Afterword, I felt so bad to the point where I felt that if I died the next day, I would go to hell because I disrescepted her (magical thinking: The Ten Commandments - Honor Thy Parents). I'm afraid to be in a relationship with someone because I would end up hurting them badly, in my mind. Like that lady said in the session CD, after she was done getting angry at her loved one, she felt like an abuser. That's how I felt, too. I also believe in karma because ever since that day, I deservingly recieved a lot of bad karma because I hurt her. I often wished I handled the situation differently and maturely instead of being a crazed jackel going through meth withdraw ripping her head off.

Hi NYA:
Welcome!

You will learn how to forgive yourself on here.
Many people will share with you.
You will find many friends and those who will identify with you.

You will learn to love yourself.
This may not be too helpful but did want to welcome you and say that you've come to the right place.
You are worthy! Be kind to yourself.
Love you.
MaryJane

Thanks, MaryJane.

NYA:
I am surprised you haven't yet received more responces.

Don57, where are you?

Someone will reply to you soon, I think.
Hang in there!!
Mary Jane.
I will pray for you.

Nya* I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You cant change the past. Have you asked her for forgiveness? Evenif she forgives you or not you have done your part. No one is perfect. We learn from our mistakes. (hopefully) After you ask her for forgiveness you have to let it go hun. If you keep dwelling on the past your not gonna be able to move forward. I hope everything works out for the best.

I also love your name. Mah lil gurls name is Nyah

Nya, Welcome! Don't be so hard on yourself. I've done this many times with my mom. I'm sure you're much younger than me and my mom and I have struggled in our relationship most of our lives. My mom just got back here yesterday. Otherwise she lives in WI. Last summer we hardly talked. She comes here at Mother's Day time. She got upset and kept bringing up the mistake I made even tho I said I was sorry. Somehow I'm determined to make it work. My husband's mom is in the nursing home now and life is too short to be mad at anyone. God bless you and you are in the right place.

I told mom I was sorry, but it still bothers me that I acted like that. I was never that angry before and it scares me, makes me worry about what will happen next time.

If it were me i would just try to bite mah tounge. I know it is easier said than done. Hopefully it wont ever happen again. Everything will be okay. Atleast you recognized and regret what you did. That should help if something flares up again. Take care *hugs*

Hello NYA:
It is me again, Mary Jane.

Sometimes when we are really depressed we magnify our errors. They become like the unpardonably sin.
Actually NYA you can cut yourself some slack here. You were having withdrawals. Believe me we are not ourselves when we are coming off any kind of drug.
The very fact that you are so sorry and persecuting yourself like that tells me that it was not you losing you temper and control.
I am a mother. I have 3 middle-age children.
And I've lived long enough to know that people will say things that they regret. I've also had
horrible depression in my lifetime and I know how a person in that state will magnify their guilt until it is unbearable. You probably need some help from a professional. I did when I was so depressed.
And another thing, NYA, there is life after depression. You can get better.
I know how you are suffering.
But if you can, get some help. And this program will help. And keep reading posts.
what I started to write is that being a mom I know that your mom understands. I would certainly forgive any of my children.
Look up, NYA. You've made a start! You are going in the right direction.
I've done things that cause me shame and regret and I bet a lot of people have. Take one day at a time and try to think of the kind things that you have done.
Yes it is hard work to forget our pain over our past but I know you are going to do it.
Accept the love that you will find here. You are worth it!!
Love, MaryJane

Thank you, MaryJane and I want to thank everyone help for helping me. You've all been so kind.