Ok. I am actually on 7 this week but had earlier this week really dropped the ball on anger. I was right (trust me...or if you don't believe me, let's just say I was right to save a lengthy personal set-up)albeit expressed loudly and angrily.


So tonight the sequel of the same situation sets me off. I vent a little (for me) then I go quiet. I can't win. Because when I go quiet...or even in times I don't vent and catch myself, my family keeps probing and asking if I am angry. If I tell the truth they get all miffed with me. If I don't say anything they keep probing. If I tell them to stop probing me, they get miffed that I am angry. I get angrier inside that they keep probing. I can't even look angry, I'm not even allowed to think it, it would seem.

While I shouldn't lose my temper it seems others expectation that I shouldn't even be angry, look angry is unrealistic.
To me, if I knew someone was known for losing their temper but could see they were trying to bite their tongue, i'd back off and not go poking and prodding.

WHat's going on here? It is as if depsite their saying they don't like to see me angry they really want me to be so they can appear superior to themselves.

I am partially upset with my spouse in the aforementioned situation (although I was mad at a situation not directly at her tonight...although I have expressed this past week). Perhaps she keeps probing me to make sure I'm not to feel some kind of absolution.....but no one lets me decompress and follows me around asking if I am angry.

GOsh. I guess you can tell I'm venting. SOrry.
comment?

Mr. Mouse,

Sorry to hear your frustration. I believe 6,7,8 are very intertwined for me. I find my reactions are more extreme when it's something I have been focusing on, then someone presses that button.

I really enjoy a long walk. It seems to give me time to really look things over. Fresh (if not cold)air with little distraction. A time out for myself. They seem to indulge me this at work. Maybe my coworker notice the benefit also.

I sometimes will dive into a repetative task at work, the yard or mans' last bastion, the garage! I really zone out and have time to think while doing something mindless, tinkering or even cleaning. I come back to all of life that awaits me refreshed and with a new perspective. Hope you have a good week! src

From one persons perspective, they may see a circle, from another persons' they may see the cylinder.

One of the reasons I developed all this anxiety was because of repressed anger. Was it worth it? Of course not. Thats the way you feel, you have to respect yourself and that begins by respecting your feelings. You cant control your feelings but you can control the way you react about it.

I mean, you dont have to loser your temper and start shouting at everyone. But you are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be sad. You choose how you react to them though. Its just feelings! They are part of your life just as good feelings are. When you respect yourself, you love yourself. And once you love yourself, you can truly start loving your life and others in a healthy way. People need to respect you and you have got to let them know.

Just think how you fell when you repress all this anger. Is it fair on you? Is it worth it?

My psychologist said something to me that i just love and I say that to those close to me when im angry at them: Im not angry at you, Im angry at your behaviour and attitude!
Just give it a go. Most of them go spechless

Sounds like people around you are trying to "control" their environment, i.e. you and it's this sense of pressure of others trying to control you which ticks you off? That's reasonable. The question is why are they seeking to control you? Is it due to their own sense of insecurity and fear and seeking to disarm a ticking time bomb before it explodes, or is it something else? I don't know you or your family, so I don't know. Just something I thought I would throw out.

There is a book called "Imperative People, Those Who Must Be In Control" by Dr. Les Czrter. Some of us have very imperative attitudes and seek control of our environment by controlling others more so than the average person. I was one of these people and was blind to my own type of controlling behavior. I was this way since I was a pre-teen and didn't realize how it impacted my family. Just thought I'd mention it.

Hang in there. Keep saying to yourself when angry " it's only thoughts, it's only thoughts"
Say it over and over again untill anger goes away, even if you are being provoked. Are you being controlled? Sometimes people get thrills out of geting someone angry just to see there responce.

There is hope right around the corner. Lesson 8 is on assertive behavior. I know you will appreciate this lesson, because I myself do. I look forward to using assertiveness. Not that I want to get angry, but there is a right and good way to handle it.
Glen

Mr.Mouse,
I hope you've gotten over your anger by now. It's not easy. Glass, I will try the "it's thoughts, only thoughts". I finished the program a while back but am angry at my daughter because she hung up on me. I called her back to ask her why she hung up and left a message because she wouldn't answer. I don't want to vent about it all cuz it will just stir it up more by talking about it. I listened to the tape just now about anger /mood swings. Unfortunately, my mood is still swinging. I was in a very good mood an hour ago. Maybe I'll dig out my wkbk. or read some other threads on anger. I just don't like getting stuck in this when it's her problem.