I have not been to the Forum very much because I struggle with knowing how to use the Forum. But here goes. I have a 25 year old son who has asked to move back home while he saves to go to college. We agreed. My son is very abrasive when he talks and inconsiderate most of the time. I speak up when something does not sit right with me that he may have said or done. But, I have come to like the way our routine in the house is when he was not living with us. I want to go back to that. There is that part of me that knows I have a right to ask for what I want and need. I feel guilty because I want him to move out and I feel sorry for him because he has had a very rough childhood and upbringing. He lived with his father for quite a few years and he was asked by his father to do things that a parent should not ask there child to do. I feel like I should be more understanding and put up with it until July when it was agreed that he move out because he was to go to college in Texas. I know in my gut that I do not feel comfortable with him living here because his lifestyle is so different from ours. Can anyone offer insight into seeing this clearly because I am in the middle of this and I can't see the forest for the trees?

Wow, what a conflict as a mom. Wanting to be helpful to your child but not wanting the adult he has become to intrude on your life. Especially since his lifestyle is quite different than your own. First, let me say you don't have to make up for his childhood or for the way his dad treated him. THat was not your fault. If you are taking him in because of guilt then you know that isnt' going to be healthy for you or for him. Or for anyone else in the house. Is this good for you and the others there? Or is this only good for him. Is he taking a free ride? Lots of people get thru college on their own. I'm trying to say you don't have to do anything youdont want to do. Or if you are resigned to wait it out til July then try to put yourself in a positive frame of mind. Take care of yourself and don't concentrate on him so much. Or, Next time he is rude tell him the next time he is rude he can pack up and hit the road! That you and no one else is going to put up with his behavior becuase you dont have to!!! He's a big boy and can make decisions and he has to take the consequences of those decisions. I'm sure other's will have good advice for you. I just dont like to see moms do things out of guilt. The kids know how to work the system and play your feelings to their benefit. Whatever you decide, you sound like you love your son and just want to help. But you are realizing you deserve respect too. THat is a good thing! Reena

What about a couple of sessions w/a family therapist? It's up to you to make the rules! I'm wondering what he's been doing the last 7 years. Assuming he graduated from High School? I don't think I would give him a free ride in this as you would be playing the role of the enabler.

I have a son that's a senior in college. His roommate has worked and put his self thru college w/o any help as he doesn't have any parents. It can be done.

Good luck!
2~4,
rhythm

I want to thank you for your feedback. Sometimes I don't see things as clear as I would like to. I have decided that if my health is in jeopardy I will ask him to leave. My daughter put herself through college, had a little girl and lived on Welfare while doing it. She made it on 437 a month. She has graduated and now is taking her physical to go into the Military. I plan on having a talk with my son and find out what his plans are for the future. Thank you again for your input.