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Originally posted by MissE:
Hi everyone, I am having a terrible time with this lesson and hope maybe someone can help! I get very anxious when working on the workbook. I truly feel like there are things in my life i just can't forgive, maybe someday i will feel differently but i don't know. I don't understand how i can forgive someone who is not sorry for hurting me and who has shown that in the past with forgiveness they will hurt you again. I know "forgiveness is the gift you give yourself." I know it feels so good to forgive people. But in my heart, there are just some people i think i am unable to forgive. For example four years ago i was in a relationship with a man that almost killed me. If i say i forgive him, in my heart i feel like it's a lie. What he did was wrong and nothing will ever change that. I can say i learned something from it, i've come a long way, i don't think of him much anymore but it took me years to recover physically from what he did to me and that is something i will never forget. Me forgiving him feels like i am excusing that and saying it was ok. I did forgive him the first couple times when he said he was sorry...and then proceeded to do the same thing again, and i nearly died from it. How can i forgive? I guess a little forgiving of myself to do for staying with him. My coach said in order for God to forgive our sins we have to forgive others. But growing up i was taught in church that to be forgiven you have to repent and resolve not to do the action again, so it is hard for me to comprehend forgiving someone who has even told me they aren't sorry. I grew up with an abusive mother and i felt that every time i forgave her and let her back in my life, she would behave the same way again. Maybe I am equating forgiveness with saying "oh that was ok" or letting someone who hurt me back in my life...Is it ok to say "i let this go because i dont want to hurt anymore, i will learn from this but i will never let this person back in my life again," or in my mom's case "i let this go but i still have boundaries with her and won't let her get too close to me". As i write this i wonder if what i'm also asking is what does forgiveness mean? Can it be saying, " I choose to let this go and release this person from my life. This wasn't right but i'm not goign to dwell on it anymore. I can take the positive from it." I'm so worked up over this i keep crying. I guess i'm not over my anger as much as i thought. I really am trying, and there are many things i have forgiven, but there are some that i just don't know how to. And i truly don't think i ever could. Does anyone else feel like this? Is there a difference between forgiveness and letting go?