I have such a bizarre situation at home that I am afraid that I won't make it through this program. I have alot more anger and resentment than I realized and I toy with thoughts of leaving my family. That is the scariest thought for me. I have 5 children ranging from age 23 to 4 years old and a 3 month old grandson ALL of which are living at home. My oldest had some devasting situations occur in the past 4 months and had to move back home. She works 2 jobs and attends college. My daughter that is still in High School had a baby 3 months ago. Our home is 4 bedroom and we are packed like sardines in here. I work full time in a stressful job and my husband who had been off of work the past 2 1/2 years due to a back injury, recently returned to a sit down job for a lot less money. He too suffers from depression and anxiety but refuses to get help. We literaly have not had a sex life in over a year. I want so much to be a better person and get through this program. I have anxiety so bad when I drive that I ended up in the ER 2 times in the past 6 months. I have taken a Leave of Absence from work recently to try to find time for myself and relax and spend time with this program. What has happened is that I have spent almost all of this Leave doing more for everyone else and very little for me. Everyone depends on me so much. I babysit 4 nights a week and every other weekend so that my teenage daughter can work at her job after school. My husband spends all of his time in the bedroom watching TV or sleeping and I can't take it anymore. I'm terrified of what I will do. I love my children and I do all that I can for them. But, I feel so near the edge. My anxiety today is unbelievable. I'm afraid to move. This is very long but I've only touched the surface. It's so hard at this point to think positive thoughts even though I know it is what I need to do. The bottom line is I'm afraid I can't get through this.

Don't force it. Take it slow. ONe day at a time. Do what you can do. Listen to the tapes when you can. Keep moving forward however slow you need to do that.

Bakedpears,

Just reading your advice made me take a deep breath and slow down for a second. Thank you. I also noticed that after I posted my thoughts I began to feel less weight on my shoulders and in the afternoon I felt calmer and more positive. I think I just needed to talk to someone. I don't share my feelings like that with family or friends. Getting it off of my chest helped. I'm thankful for this forum. I am going to make a real effort to slow down and not give up. Appreciate you taking time to offer advice!

Hi Jalyn,

Please take the time to finish the program. Don't let life get in the way of you doing something good for yourself. I have a few kids and busy house so I would listen to my tapes on a tape player while I showered. Lock the door and take that time just for you. My kids are ages 4 to 19 and I was homeschooling. Busy. BUT...we have to learn to put ourselves first otherwise no one is happy. I had to learn to be a bit selfish and I realized that it is ok to do that. Obviously no one else in my house had a problem taking time for themselves but little 'ol martyr me would just suck it up and keep serving the world and I suffered for it. The assertiveness tape can help alot here. Just learning to say 'no' is important. Its great that you are helping out with your grandchild but maybe there are others who can jump in and take some of that off you. YOu are worth the time you take to care for yourself.

Hugs, Reena

Dear Reena,

Everything you said makes sense. It's just such a struggle some days. Yesterday I had a great day. I felt more positive and "lighter". This morning I woke up, couldn't go back to sleep and now I can't stop crying. I'm so overwhelmed by our current financial problems but I know that is only part of it. This emotional roller coaster I'm on is too much.

I haven't started the Assertive Behavior lesson yet but I can really relate to not being able to say no, because that's me. I want to keep moving forward because I can feel the difference. It seems as if I make progress and then take 5 steps back. I feel like certain situations in my life won't let me move forward. Does that make any sense?? Am I just "blaming"?

Grateful for advice,

I took many steps back and then many forward again. Just keep at it. Remember when you are having a bad day that a better day is just around the corner. Remember the good days. I do think our situations can be very stressful but not everyone reacts the same way in the same situation. Some people can have financial problems and not let it tear their world apart where someone else may think its the end. We choose how to react to any given situation. Its not easy for us to choose to be positive because over the years we have trained ourselves to be negative. But if we can train ourselves to be negative then we can certainly do the opposite. It takes time, alot of time, but well worth the effort. YOu can't change things overnight. It didnt get like this overnight either. Concentrate on taking this one hour at a time. God only gives you right now to deal with. Tomorrow isnt here yet and yesterday is gone. I found that thought a relief for me. I did want to add a suggestion...have you been to the doctor for a check-up at all? I think its a good idea to go in and get checked out, tell the doc how you have been feeling and see what he/she says. And maybe you and your hubby and can just go out for a cup of coffee (decaf) and get some breathing room. He has probably been feeling overwhelmed just like you. Pull together and talk about things. I know men dont or cant always explain how they are feeling and so turn into themselves to try to shut out the chaos. But just knowing you both are a team in making things atleast calmer at home can be a boost in confidence and hope. Just my two cents. I hope things work out for the best for you all. If you're feeling brave check out FlyLady.com . This is a website about getting one's home in order but its also about F-finally L-loving Y-yourself.

Reena

Dear Reena,

You are very inspiring. Thank you again. I have been to the doctor approximately 8 times the past 6 or 7 months. I weigh 125 after losing 55 pounds this past year. Every test comes back OK. I even had a MRI. I eat heathly and no caffiene in 10 years but I don't eat much when I'm too busy or of course, stressed. It was my physician's advice that I take the 2 week leave of absence. He tried twice to put me on anti-depressants but I had terrible reactions to both, Zoloft and Paxil. I became so depressed that I didn't function. He had me stop right away. I gave him the information about this program and he said it couldn't hurt and he was running out of answers. He encouraged me to make time for this program and follow up with him on my progress.

Having people who understand helps so much. I prayed alot today and I try to put all of my problems in His hands. Unfortunately, some days are just too overwhelming. I'm grateful for my blessings and for people like you who have been there and gotten through it and are an inspiration to others like me.

I'll look up Flylady.
Determined to get stronger,

Hi,

Im glad you have a dr. working with you. Just makes it safer that way. There are other meds still to try if you feel brave enough. I know just the act of putting a med in my mouth is enough to give me a panic attack. I tried Lexapro and didnt have a good reaction at all and I am actually in the process of trying Zoloft. I still have enough anxiety to make me want to try a med. I also have ibs and so I get myself in a vicious circle. I was so bad at one point that I couldnt leave the house without trauma. I now regularly go places but socializing is still a hurdle I havent been able to overcome too easily. Anywyas, I can understand how you are feeling and I know that without this program I would be in a heap of trouble. So I encourage you to learn all you can and to make changes slowly but daily in your thoughts and actions. Use this forum as much as you need to. YOu are not alone and you should never feel you are. THats why we are here.

Hugs,
Reena

Hi Reena,

I have been taking Xanax for 10 years now. I stopped when I was pregnant and for some reason I never had an anxiety episode during my pregnancy. But I was also on bed rest for most of my pregnancy. Sometimes I think that the Xanax makes me feel worse but I am like you, taking meds is not a good thing. My OB-GYN gave me sample packs of Lexapro but again I'm too afraid to try it. I was almost to the point of not driving at all when I started this program. I drive short distances now and it seems a little better.

I went back to work today after being off for several weeks. The few co-workers that I talked to about this program asked me to give them the number because they said I seemed better, less stressed. I almost laughed because if they only knew how much anxiety I had when I got up this morning!! But I did the breathing and positive thoughts and made myself slow down which really is amazing for me. I was surprised at the people who wanted to know more about this program. It's true, everyone has some form of anxiety. I also told them about the forum and how much of an inspiration you have been to me.

I don't expect to feel great everyday. Just knowing that I am learning very positive things and that there are people here when I do have a bad day makes me feel better. I look at how awful I felt when I reached out the first time on this forum and how far I have come just since then, that's amazing. I'm not so afraid of the bad days knowing you and others like you are here.

VERY glad you are here,

Slowing down is a BIG helper. I had to learn to slow down everything. I even ate fast! I still find myself getting in a rush for no reason whatsoever. I am very proud of you for using your positive self talk and breathing. It really does help. YOu are using the tools you are learning to get you thru the tough moments. Remember to take little breaks for yourself thruout the day to relax. Keep up the good job!

Reena

I'm so proud of you for going back to work and driving again. I'm another one always spinning out of control. I do it to myself, a to do list a mile long at all times. I only have one child, he just turned a year old. My husband spends a lot of time on the couch or hiding in the basement. He suffers from depression and anxiety also. Only he won't admit it. He had a really bad drinking problem, he quit shortly after the baby was born because of a legal problem he had. He recently started drinking again. It hasn't gotten out of control again... yet... This program has helped me a lot. Still, I visited my Doctor last week hoping to get put back on Zoloft, which helped a little in the past. He didn't give it to me though. He says that wants me to keep working the program a little longer without meds. I think that what he really wants is for me to be serious about taking them. I am always so afraid of pills that I go on and off and quit after any side effect, then miss appointments... Anyway, I keep trucking along, breathing and trying to think positive thoughts. I'm better than I was, soon I will be better then I am now. So will you. Hang in there.
Giselle