Who can help me with this one? Im going thru the program, and it has helped. However, it seems to me that these programs never seem to really fit your situation (or at least mine, anyway). I have some real trouble with my teenage daughter for the past 3 yrs.. very defiant..very sneaky, lying..all of it (EXTREME ANGER), just when things were going well, it starts again. My wife is on the lient side.. I know we are supposed to be in agreement, but we never can..we never agree.. (ANXIETY), I feel useless, angry to the point where I literally feel that I hate them. I feel resentful, regretful, stuck...(DEPRESSION). I cant seem to win. Im I the only one?

I don't have kids, but I can relate to the anger and the accompanying negative emotions. I can take anger, disappointment, etc. to a point and then I just start to shut down - primarily from the mere frustration of not being heard or understood. I will either feel like I don't feel anything at all (numb) or I will get to the point where I feel (or think) that I hate someone - full of resentment and negative thoughts. This is especially true when I feel like someone close to me is confrontational with me or battling against me instead of really hearing me and understanding. I think there is a level of trust and a concept of "team" that I expect to have in certain relationships and when it feels more like a constant battle to be heard for who I am, I just can't take it.

THX TPK71, I appreciate your response..

Maybe a review of lesson 4, expectations will help. expectations of yourself and of others. The lesson about guilt will help you too. Being guilty about feeling angry at ones we love can be very depressing because we feel that its wrong. But it is normal to get angry at your kids. I have a young son. He is terrible twos. It is so hard, but my therapist says it is normal to get angry with our kids. Think about it, didn't your parents get angry with you? Mine sure did. Raising kids is the hardest thing to do and expecting them or us to do it a certain way can really make it harder and set us up for anxiety and depression if things don't go the way we expect.

You know what happens to repressed emotions. You are experiencing the side effect from this now. We are so afraid to feel those emotions for fear we will lose control (or perhaps someone won't like us or approve of how we feel) so we stuff them.

Learn to express all your emotions responsibly. Expressing does not mean you "get even" or blame anyone, nor do you become aggressive. You can feel your emotions without pointing a finger at anyone. Go off by yourself somewhere and express to yourself how you feel. Make a fist, rant and rave but do it by yourself. (You can also do this on paper!)After you are calm downed return to your environment and talk to those involved in a constuctive way. If there are no changes continue to work on yourself through the program and many other programs out there. Your new behavior is seen and noted by others in your life. Change can occur in others from you working on you. You can see a therapist who can give you support to work through this.

But do express your feelings without expecting change on the outside. You have no control over those around you, no matter how much you wish you did.

My best to you.

Spzme: I am in a very similar situation from the standpoint of a home relationship that frustrates me to no end. I get angry, frustrated, resentfull on a daily basis and I'm not sure how to use this program to help me out or through this situation. I am CONSTANTLY warding off negative thoughts about this situation. I have been on lesson 6 for three weeks. So many things have improved in my life since I started this program: I am eating better, I am sleeping better, I am excercising and feeling good and my generalized anxiety has all but melted away. But what I really want is to be free of the frustration and anger of what goes on at home.

On some level, I know that I just need to LET IT GO. Just let it go. But how... It's not enough to tell me to just let it go! Practically, what does that mean. HOW do I let it go? Does anyone out there have an answer for that?

Ahhh...if you get an answer to that, please post it in neon lights!!!

Anger is one of my problems, too. And it is usually misplaced anger. I get upset about something and end up taking it out on my "safe" people--husband, sisters, etc. I'm really mad at someone right now...and I am being a jerk at home instead of telling that person I am mad at them...because that's not a "safe" person for me.

Does anyone else take things out on their loved ones instead of dealing with the real issues?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: BTTRFLY,

spzme, yes i have this daily, 2 teen-age grandkids. they are the reason for my anxiety at this time.one lives with us. i baby sit the other. they are a pain in the @ss. . and yes typo i do take my anger out on poppa. peace dude,kp

LOL--KP, you are my girl!!!!

I think we need to get Poppa and D together for a vacation from us crazy wives...maybe during our "Thelma and Louise and Co." cross country drive?!?!?!?

The other part of "let go" is: "Let God', meaning that you don't just drop it an run, but you actually hand the situation over to a loving God who has a way of dealing with it better than you could possibly imagine. For me, that means I cannot take it back with worry, etc.