Hi.
I was raised in an alcoholic family, and my mother was very verbal and out of control when she got angry and even though I don't drink I have followed that angry pattern my whole life and I'am really tired of it.
I have two boys and I try so hard to not be angry with them but they fight alot and sometimes it seems like yelling is the only way I'am heard. I really want to change this...I don't want them to spend their lives being angry like I have.
I think this lesson is a really good one for me but I'am really having trouble changing...what is the best way to go about changing something that is so much a part of your life?? Also I don't feel very good much of the time and I get cranky from being tired...tired of dealing with the anxiety...tired of worrying...tired of trying to desensitize....etc. etc. then I add on the normal daily stresses...childcare, cooking, lack of money, spouse trouble and I just seem to get so darn overwhelmed that I can't help but lashing out. I have thought about taking an anger management class and see if that would help...has anyone every tried one before and how did you like it? I would really be willing to try anything to lose this part of my personality.
Thankyou for your help

Sunflower62,

I understand what you mean. I, too, have a lot of problem with anger.

I am still learning to control it. What I found helpful was to try to be more result-oriented. "Does my anger help with the issue?" I ask myself often.

On Wayne Dyer's book 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace , he says,"There are no justified Resentments... Anytime you're filled with resentment, you're turning the controls of your emotional life over to others to manipulate." I certainly don't want to be manipulate, so I have the motivation to control my anger.

I followed the program's advice to take time out in reacting. Oh, I would be in a rage within second of someone offending me. But I delay my reaction to the offend for a day.

Have a change of tactic with you boys, even just to mess with their head . Next time when they fight, deliver their purnishment in a very cool, control and low and slow voice. And if they continue to protect, tell them you didn't ask for a discussion and you are not going to have one in a calm and cool voice.

Drop,

I was reading your reply and just wanted to say thank you for the advice, although i know this is sunflowers post...(i hope you dont mind sun) i still have anger problems and i found the quote you stated to make a lot of sense . Take care!

Doyle

Hi sunflower,
I find it works most of the time is my daughter argues with her friends that i say Work it out between yourselves and they usually do.

Give them choices so they think they decided. Say one choice is get along and comprimise or privledges are taken away.

Stick to it.

It really helps. Then walk away and sing a song in your head but don't stay in the same room with them and usually they deal with it.

Sometimes kids like to feed off our reactions.

One time my daughter said you remeind me of Grace on Will and Grace when your mad mom its so funny

Anyway good luck and keep your cool.

jt

quote:

Originally posted by Doyle:
[qb]Drop,

i still have anger problems and i found the quote you stated to make a lot of sense . Take care!

Doyle[/qb]

Hi Doyle,

I first saw Dyer presenting his teaching on a PBS funding raising show. He said, "Many people are walking around looking to be offended..." That caught my attention. Too bad I couldn't watch the whole show but I wanted to get the book and read more about it when 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace came out. It did. It is kind of expensive, ~$12 for a little book. After finishing it I didn't regret buying it.

I had this conversation with a co-worker yesterday. We agreed that there were not many new theories coming out of any self-help or motivational book anymore. But sometimes one needs the same idea repeated many times in many different ways before one decides to accept the idea and makes life-changing decision based on it. This is what ADD program did to me.

I would recommend this book, if you are interested, Doyle or anyone else. It explains in more details why there is no justified resentment and how not to have resentment.

Peace,

Drop,

Thanks so much! I wrote the name of the book down on my "list of books i want" doc. . Take care!

Doyle

Hi Everyone,
Thankyou for taking the time to read my post I appreciate all of your responses and I will try them all....anything can help at this points
Take care,
Jodi

Sunflower:
A friend of mine was having the same kinds of problems with anger, and her children. She said she got a lot of help from the book:"Putting Anger in It's Place" by Annie Chapman. Maybe it would help you too.
Hope things go well. Wish I'd known about all this when my kids were younger!!!!