wow, cfe. I don't know what to say. That was so very kind of you to take such time and effort in replying. I wasn't expecting that. Thank you very much. I completed the program a while ago, but I got very interrupted in the middle of it (mother got cancer last summer) and got so comsumed by old habits I kind of walked away, forgetting most iof the skills I has learned and progress I had made. keep in mind right before I started I ended a very difficult relatoionship (which I now obsess over-I'm brilliant).

I know most of what you say is so right, but the second guessing and intrusive thoughts keep me forever confused and down hearted and very frustrated. I just dont trust my emotions or thoughts anymore-at all.

CFE:"Like Lucinda tells us feelings are just that they are not proof, or exact, and usualy they are not even true, just feelings that come and go, so breath. rest, and let them pass, without harming others. as much as you can, Also feelings can be triggered by outside influences, like your diet, Sugar, is my downfall, my Holistic Dr. tells me I am alerjic to it, and my adrenal glands are exhosted, if I eat sugar my moods swing like a pendulum. I have almost elliminated sugar from my diet, and my feelings are on an eaven keel, each time I feel sad, and irrational, I can ususaly trace it back to a sweet thing I ate a few hours ago. Treating your food like your medicin, is much cheeper, than buying medicine, to counteract what you are eating."

if this is true, and I am sure to degrees and levels it is, I don't know how to trust that I ever really fell in love with him, or anyone for that matter, to being with. I apply this logic to all feelings and think that nothing is legitmate or real anymore. I have no idea how to stop this and where to turn. See my dilemma? I analyze life, I don't live it. It's insane (am I really happy or is it just hormonal, blah blah blah--it gets really tiring).

Thank you so much, and I really really appreciate your help. I am going to re-read your posting very carefully and really try to think about it. It's just very sad. I don't like where I am and it makes me very sad. I don't want to be unhappy, and I don't want to sabotage another relationship, especially one that when I am better and he is better (he has some anxiety and depression issues, too-I hope we aren't totally screwed) has been wonderful and we found such happiness, but I don't know how to get past this. It's like a mental and emotional block.

Thank you again, and I hope to talk with you soon again. Good luck to all of you and congratulations on each and every positive step you take. Have a great night

when I am better and he is better (he has some anxiety and depression issues, too-I hope we aren't totally screwed) has been wonderful and we found such happiness, but

Be happy today, not when, if you wait for when you will never be happy, I know what you mean about he has issues too. we all do, but you can't work on his issues, only yours, I can tell you when you start to moddle the positive life, he will follow. my husband is.

I don't know how to get past this. It's like a mental and emotional block.

That is exactily what it is, and you may not be able to get past it by yourslef, get your progam out and start over. from lesson 1, and do one a week. Don't think about what you wish he knew, just pay attention to what you are learning, and believe me if you start it he will fallow. in his time, (that is a promis from God it is in the bible actually you can count on it) So get down to it and work on yourself, without trying to fix anyone else, and do ask God to help you with it, don't skip on the journalling, I did for weeks, and I think I could have come so much faster if I hadn't.

If I had not gotten this program when I did I would be divorced by now, believe me I do feel your pain, and I am praying for both of you.

Wow! What a great answer cfe. I realized I'm not doing the program to its full extent either, seems like I want to go through it once to hear all of the information then go through it again to really make changes. Maybe thats how God has it set up for me, maybe its just my control issues. Can't say for sure. God Bless.