My girlfriend is going throught this program to change negative aspects of her life, and I'm very proud of that, but when she is angry look out! She seems to forget the skills she has learned with the program and all hell breaks loose. She has a real problem with being left alone, and if I go anywhere for a couple of hours without her it is pretty awful by the time I get home. She yells, throughs thinks, and tells me it is my fault she feels this way.

Help, what should I do. Should I leave her and do my own thing once and awhile anyway or should I stay with her. I know me leaving her alone is one of her greatest fears but I don't know how to handle the yelling when I get back. I'm very submissive to her and I apologize when I don't even know what I'm apologizing for. If anyone can give me some advice it would be much appreciated.

Hi jbh33,

You sound supportive and like you are trying to understand- even reading on this forum.
The feelings she is having when you leave have nothing to do with you, but the fear is real. It sounds like you want your relationship to work out. When she is not in a state of anxiety and panicing, try making a plan with her. Tell her you understand and want her to feel better when you spend time alone. You don't have to solve the problem for her, but if you do not talk about it, I think it will get worse.
I know for a fact. When I was younger, I would feel incredible anxiety at times and take that anger out on my boyfriend. He yelled back, took it personally, and our relationship ended. He didn't understand how much I was coping with. If he would have reacted to my anger by gently saying he wanted to work it out when I was feeling different, that we could talk and make a plan to work it out, it might have helped. Tell her you want to be an equal partner and both be there for each other.
I understand so much what you are going through from the other side. You can't let someone verbally abuse you, but if you understand the intensity of fear, it's possible you won't take it personally, and work this out.
She probably thinks she's safe in your relationship and depending too much on you for comfort. Help her find comforting things for herself, and some for yourself. She's not doing this on purpose.
However, you have to take care of yourself too. But, make decisions and tell her. I mean tell her how this is making you feel too, and that you don't want that in a relationship, so slowly change the relationship to a more equal one.
I hope this helped.
Kris