I have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for over 3 years. I have been getting on him about engagement, but he's not exactly thrilled about it. We have a great relationship, but he's very touchy like I am. My biggest problem is this -- I don't know why, but I allow his moods and words affect me so much! If we get in an argument or, even if he just snaps at me in the morning, if I can't get a loving goodbye from him I am wrecked with anxiety for the rest of the day. I've told him this, but he thinks I need to just relax and not "take things so seriously". That makes my entire body ache to hear. If only he knew that I'd give ANYTHING just to NOT take things so seriously. I'm just so emotional and sensitive. I really want to be able to turn the whole situation around and have him calling me to apologize instead of me "should I call him, shouldn't I call him" to apologize for .. well, sometimes I don't even know what. I feel lost and unsure. Please help? Thanks!
Posts: 12 | Location: Maryland | Registered: May 30, 2007
My husband said something in passing earlier that hurt my feelings and I will probably be up all night obsessing about it. He is snoring on the coach with our baby not worried about a thing. He doesn't even KNOW I'm upset. Then I'll have to go through the whole day tomorrow with it probably in my head. It would be so easy to let go if I knew how! I don't know if it's guys in general or just some types of people that are so non-chalant. And then there's us. But we can't hang on every word that bothers us or we'll go crazy. We have to relax and put things in perspective and ask "is this really worth it? will it matter in a few days?" Journaling or writing a letter always helps me. And it never hurts to be the first to extend an olive branch- even when they didn't know anything was wrong- lol!
"Will it really matter in a few days"? Wow I never thought about it like that before. I have been sitting here crying because I actually did something nice for myself instead of my kids and having a complete anxiety/panic about it and now asking will it really matter in a few days.......of course not......its just a moment......
You guys seem like you may have some of the same relationship issues that I do. I'd love for any or all of you to contact me. I could use some similarity. Maybe we could help each other. My marriage is my biggest anxiety causer too. I want to stop apologizing for things that aren't even my fault to "make it all better".
Posts: 9 | Location: Massachusetts | Registered: May 11, 2008
Wow its amazing how one person could offset an entire mood and day. My husband and I see disciplining totally different. As much as I discipline the boys their still a handful. When I suggest to my husband to partner with me in disciplining the children whether he's home or not he puts the blame back on me for the reason they don't listen to me. I am so ANGRY with him most of the time. They tend to listen to him the first time he corrects them. Why won't he help instill in them that they must behave whether they are with him or with me. Seems like he doesn't want to bare the responsibility.
I know how you feel. I barely got any sleep the other day because my ex just up and left when we were in the middle of doing something while we were playing an online video game together. (We still live together due to the lease on the house..makes it interesting.) I kept thinking it was something I did and I couldn't figure out what it was. After he had been gone for about two hours..I called him and asked what was wrong and if I had done something..turns out I hadn't..but it still bothered me so much that I just couldn't shut my mind off to go to sleep.
While I have a different siutation than you because you're still with your boyfriend, I do understand. I would say..don't call him. Wait until he comes home and see if you can talk it out. In the meantime..don't over think things, I feel that would hinder more than help.
Sounds just like me and my boyfriend. Mabey your boyfriend is really being insensitive. I can't stand not being treated right and when I feel belittled or like he is angry at me I sometimes start calling him names. I always feel so horrible but he is treating me wrong first. You sound just like me with the apologizing. We are sensitive but it doesn't help when the other person is totally insensitive. It isn't right to be so insensitive either. We are such good people that we are willing to apologize and take the blame even when it isn't always our fault.
christine
Posts: 16 | Location: plantation | Registered: May 06, 2007
Oh and by the way mine rarely apologizes either. You can work on being less sensitive but he may not see how insensitive he is really being. That's so frustrating.
christine
Posts: 16 | Location: plantation | Registered: May 06, 2007
Hey guys, This is my first time here. I just recived my CD's on 1-8-09.I am on #5. I have rushed through them.I have had this problem for over 20 years. I am 43 now.I been in a relationship for 3 years.My main problems are insecurity and fear. I am CRAZY jealous over everything. Even the TV.. I am all most a gloraphbic when It comes to going any place with him. I do really care for him and I know he cares for me to.He all ways trys to help me feel better but, when I am feeling that bad I do not believe a word that he says.When ever there is a nice looking ladie around(which is every time we go any where)I start to feel very bad and My fight or flight goes CRAZY !!!Before I know it I am in a full blown panic attack.I do the self talk but I just can't make myself feel better or even believe my thoughts.I use things like.( I am ok. I know he wants me not her, He did not really look at her that long. I just felt like he did.)Nothing works !!! I need some help here guys. Any and all suggestions would be life changing at this point I am lost..Thanks lil nurse X0X0..
hey lil nurse, I have a lot of the same jealousy problems. For me, they contribute to my anger more than anxiety but apparently they go hand in hand. Anyway..you have been in this relationship for 3 years. You should not have to feel insecure or jealous because he obviously cares for you a lot and it is a man's natural reaction to simply look at good looking women. That does not mean he is going to pick up and leave you. So just learn to think more like that. Honestly I should listen to my own advice haha, it is harder than it sounds but just try to be more confident in yourself and work hard on the program becuase it helps confidence too. Good luck and best wishes to you!!=]
It may be a natural reaction for a man to look at beautiful women, but it's also a natural reaction for women to look at handsome men. Does he glance or does his eyes linger on the women?A good man does things with tact. If his eyes linger on women, then maybe you should have a talk with him. We women look at men too, but we glance and that's it.
Posts: 1017 | Location: chicago | Registered: May 26, 2007
The title of "My relationship....." intrigued me to skip ahead to session 6 though I'm stuck in 3 & 4. I can take a little of what all of you have said and there I am It certainly isn't fun when we are feeling that way. I don't worry about my husband with other women but it's his hobby to hot rods. One thing my therapist shared with me is jealousy is the fear of being replaced....where in your life was that triggered that now you feel insecure and jealous? Mine goes back to my childhood that I've had to acknowledge, forgive and try to let go. But I will have to agree we are VERY sentistive people. I get my feelings hurt easily and usually my husband can hurt them very quickly. We have to love ourselves unconditionally before we can accept the love from our husbands/boyfriends. Sometimes saying nothing is better than for the moment when your caught up in emotion. Try to journal first. Then share when you can in a less accusing way. Now if I could practice what I write
I agree my relationship is my biggest problem right now too . My parents are very "old school" and I really never felt "love" between them but never saw them fight either . I grew up not knowing how to fight . As kids we were always hushed .. so I feel my opinion or feelings never mattered . I got pregnant my senior year - been married to this man for 14 years . I don't feel love or respect from him or that I have it for him either . yet I can't find the courage to leave . I always find reasons to talk myself out of it. I guess I never learned to trust my gut & now that I feel things aren't right I'm stuck . I don't care to tell him anything - I am not atracted to him at all . He is the father of our 2 kids but isn't an "involved" father . I tell myself that he isn't at strip clubs or into porn .. then I catch him watching porn on the internet . Is porn an issue for any one else or am I over-reacting ?
Posts: 12 | Location: iowa | Registered: February 03, 2009
LynnG: I'm sorry to hear you feel so miserable in your marriage. That is such a sad way to feel. I've been there many times. As far as you asking if your over reacting about your husband looking at porn. I WOULD THINK NOT. If it were my husband doing that I would feel very offended. I can not stand any type of strip clubs, pornography, magazines etc.... I feel it is very degarding to the female gender. I wish you the best
Stress Center Community 
It certainly isn't fun when we are feeling that way. I don't worry about my husband with other women but it's his hobby to hot rods. One thing my therapist shared with me is jealousy is the fear of being replaced....where in your life was that triggered that now you feel insecure and jealous? Mine goes back to my childhood that I've had to acknowledge, forgive and try to let go. 
