Hi All,

My husband left me in May 2009 and asked for a divorce in Aug 2009.He said he can't do it anymore. Has anyone else had their life partner leave them because of this? He has absolutely no compassion or understanding for my struggle with anxiety and depression.

Thanks,
April

I went through the same thing. My wife of 14 years left me in August 2007 and we divorced the following year. My anxiety and depression was not that bad in the beginning, but got worse over the course of the marriage. When we separated, it got very bad! It got to the point that I did not want to leave the house. I am in a new relationship now and it has been difficult for both of us. I am going through the program now for a second time. I got to week 8 this spring and quit. Not because it wasn't working, but because I felt cured! I gradually got worse again and started the program over about three weeks ago. All I can say is keep your head up and stick to the program, it works!

April, I am so sorry about your hardship with your husband. I hope you know you will find someone who will be there for you and be far more supportive. You deserve so much better! Living with someone who isnt supportive has to be very stressful for you. You will be ok! Look see Bob has a new partner and says it isnt easy , but its working, Dont give up, just keep looking forward. You cant change someone elses behavior right? You have friends here to get you through the tough times, right now take care of yourself, the rest will happen naturally.

April,
Sorry to hear about your husband. I have never been married. I have had depression for a long time. I have always settled for a person who is willing to be with me rather than someone who will treat me right. My first boyfriend was a drunk. It wasn't a real realtionship since I only saw him once in a while. The guy I am with now, I am positive he is seeing other women. He doesn't want me to call his house or stop by uninvited. I have for a long time felt I needed to just keep who ever I found becuase it is all there is. I am trying hard to work up the courage to send him out of my life, but someone times I just don't want to be alone any more. I wish I could be held more than once a month. I wonder what it is like to have someone to really love me. Someone who shows up and visits me for more then the nights of fun.
Theresa

Hi

Thanks for all your support.I feel as though I am trying to prove myself and win him back. Is this normal? I am just unwilling to face relaity? I am a Catholic and believ strongly in marriage and reconciliation but I know the real;ity of the situation. I feel very conflicted about letting go of him.

April

My husban dwho was once very understanding just up and left me in June. This was very devastating to me. He started saying so many evil degrading things to me. SO I went from being bad to worse. I can honestly relate.

Hi April Boddy. I am very sorry to hear about your husband. Although I have not been married, I do believe that my anxiety was one of the causes of my break up with my long-term boyfriend. He didnt understand what it meant to have anxiety. He told me he couldnt handle my "crises" and would get frustrated because I would keep repeating the same actions over and over (with the same result). It hurt when we broke up, but now I realize that I am better off without him. Why do I want to be with anyone who is not supportive, or who doesnt accept me for who I am? Or who doesnt want to help me be a better person? I do believe we attract the type of person we are familiar with. My father was a critical person--so too was my boyfriend. Now that I am going through the program, I know that the next person I will end up with will be a more positive person. He will take me for who I am, no matter what. I deserve this and so do you. Perhaps you shouldnt ask yourself what you did to drive him away, but rather, why do I want him to stay? I hope things are getting better day by day.

Hi Theresa. Your story is heartbreaking. I can understand the feeling that you no longer want to be alone anymore, but isn't it better to be by yourself rather than with someone who will treat you badly or who is only using you? You deserve better. You deserve to be loved and cherished. Dont let a man take a little piece of you. Keep it for yourself and grow. Good luck.

I have been married twice and divorced twice. Now I am working on being the best partner I've ever had. I know that being alone can be, well, lonely. But, there is a difference between being alone and lonely. I spent many years trying to get them to love me. They didn't have it in them to do it. So I believed that I was unlovable. Not so. What I didn't get was, that I deserved better. Therefore, I didn't treat myself very well. I didn't dress the way I wanted to because I needed to lose weight or I shouldn't spend that much money on myself or so on and so on. Now, I do get myself presents once in a while and I give myself the option to eat where I want to eat and take the last ice cube out and not fill the trays right away. I can use all the hot water in the shower. I can drink right out of the milk jug. I get to watch what I want on tv. How about working on a relationship with yourself for a while. Don't be in a hurry to get into a relationship just to have someone who will put up with you? Oh honey, that's not right. You pick who gets to be with you, not the other way around. You have to make sure they are good enough for you, not you good enough for them. My guess is, until you get a handle on yourself, get over some of your anxiety issues or depression, you won't find the right one because you don't even know what you want in a partner other than they are a warm body. Being alone is not bad. Settling for just anyone is. I know it sounds crazy, but I have been learning to be the best date I ever had. Go see the movie YOU want to see and get the popcorn AND the juji fruits. Know what I mean? Treat yourself the way you want someone else to treat you. You deserve it.