Hello..

I was wondering if anyone had any kind of ideas on how to end the fearful thinking. I'm alone alot and I have no idea how to stop this thinking. I get very scared and start the what if's...........

Any suggestions?

Hello, Monroe,
When I had my panic attacks, I would have a lot of fearful thoughts, especially because I live alone, and my attacks would happen during the night, and it was very scary; also since I had my panic attack while driving, any time I'd get into the car, I'd start having those scary thoughts. What I did, was, I said to myself " You are scaring yourself", and that alone put it into perspective. I also read somewhere about anti-anxiety breathing, and it goes like:

-inhale to count of 4, hold for count of 7, and exhale to count of 8 while the tip of your tongue is touching the spot where upper front teeth and the roof of the mouth meet. While exhaling make a sssssssssssssssss... sound. After several of those breaths I calm down considerably. You may also intersperse them with normal breathing to count of 2, between the sets. This kind of breathing probably helped me the most. I hope this is helpful, Ava.

Hi Ava.........Thank you for responding to my question. I'm really scared. I have done the breathing...I try to think positive, talk positive to myself. Nothing seems to work I think I just have the what if's really bad.

I live by myself as well but I've been staying with family since the attacks started to occur in the night.

I know I'm avoiding the situation..but how can I talk to myself to reassure myself that all will be alright?

I also can relate about driving.. I can drive but only certain distances and forget about driving bridges or the interstate. They scare me too much...........

Hi Monroe, a month or so ago I was in the same place that you are in now. I would start with a thought and within seconds the thought process would snowball and I would convince myself that something terrible was going to happen. Some things were pretty far out there. I couldn't sleep, eat, basically couldn't function.

The anxiety got much worse at night. I am still trying to figure that out. As soon as the sun went down I became shakey and nervous. I couldn't be alone which normally I have no problem with. I was scared of our basement( why I don't know )but I avoided it and made my husband take care of everything. He couldn't leave my side. It was a bad time.

This is my second round of dealing with this. Four years ago my attacks started with no warning. I've always been a worrier, that is how I function, but at one point it just became too much. I was on medication for two years and off for two years. I felt great up until the Thursday before X-mas. I was sitting on the couch and all of a sudden I was having an attack. I was convinced that the house was going to burn down. I couldn't believe it was happening again. It was like being hit by a truck.

This time though, I knew what it was and quickly went to the doctor. He explained to me that some people who have uncontrollable thoughts have an excess of seratonin in their brains that build up over a course of time. People who are depressed lack enough seratonin. I figured there had to be something to this since I had been great for so long. Looking back I was worrying more than normal for a while before the attacks came back. I guess it just caught up with me.

I am taking Buspar and it has helped dramatically. I know it's not a long term answer but it's a start. I can be alone again and even the nighttime is getting better. I used to love the dark. Seeing the stars outside. Lighting candles in the house. It's sad when you become afraid of something that you used to enjoy. The mind is a powerful thing.

What if thinking can control our life if we let it. Might there be an underlying problem that you are dealing with that is causing these scattered thoughts. How long have you been doing this and did it just come out of the blue? Please know that this can get better and you can be yourself again. This is a very common condition and many people deal with it. You are reaching out for guidence and help. That is huge. Life can be good again. I promise.

I hope it helps you to know that you are not alone. Good luck and take care. Vic

Hi Vic..thank you for replying. I have suffered with this disorder for 10 years....Never fully recovered and can't figure out why? I bought the tapes back in 1994. I have felt great at times and year or two would pass and then I would get zapped with panic.......

I do suffer from Depression too.I'm in the process of switching my meds again...

Yes I think my underlying problem is that I'm lonely. I want a relationship...I want companionship...I have no children and would like to have a family someday.... I get tired of being by myself... Going to bed myself Eating by myself...etc........I think about that alot..What would it be like to have someone to share things with...I have no friends.....

I'm a worrier too.....I think about what if I get sick during the night (heart attack etc?) then what would I do? This just started about a month ago.

I have been getting counseling as well. I have reached out so many times for help. I ask why me? I want a life without fear and limitations.....Happiness....I long for alot of these things.
I pray to God that things will be alright..not just for me for everyone.

May Peace Be With You

Monroe

Hi Monroe, first of all I want you to know that things will be alright. Just have faith. I am sorry that you feel so alone. I was wondering if you have any pets. Does it help you when you are with your family?

I too am a worrier but remembering how bad I felt a little while ago I can now try and take an attitude of ok what's the worst that can happen and can I deal with it. I'm pretty sure I can. I know when I worry I notice physical symptoms as well. I am trying to find the positive in things although sometimes it's hard.

Right now I am using a situation that happened about two years ago. I had a blood clot in my leg that was misdiagnosed twice. It led to a very serious situation. The doctor stated frankly that I should be dead. The strange thing is that it didn't cause panic but appreciation that I was still alive. The two years that followed until my recent episode were very good for me. I'm not sure why the panic came back. Probably because I'm not living if I'm not worrying. The only thing is I have to pick and chose what I will worry about. That is hard but it is a step in the right direction.

People always tell me I need a hobby then I wouldn't worry so much. I tell them that worrying is my hobby.

I have two questions Is there anything that you like to do or feel that you are good at?

Next question are you a people pleaser and tend to put yourself last. I am curious to know this? I hope to hear back from you sometimes just knowing people care can make all the difference in the world. Take care

Hi Vic.....Where to begin....Thanks for being so kind. Yes I do have a dog. He's a little guy and he keeps me company. Now with my family. I feel that I'm becoming too dependent on them. In the beginning of all this I thought I would be safe when I was with my Mom or Sister I always felt better being with them, but knowing now there's no safe person but myself. I'm still scared to be alone. I went through a terrible marriage and divorce. But I love my family very much I just want to be on my own. I'm with them all of the time, because I have no one else. They tell me to go back to school or volunteer (that's how I'll meet someone)get a part-time job, join the gym, etc. but none of that interests me either because I'm depressed or I don't have enough self esteem, motivation. I'll always here how so n so's daughter is doing how she travels here and there, drives places etc. It makes me sad because I get so overwhelmed with how I feel.
I like to read alot. I read alot of self help books,cross stitch, go dancing, but most of the time I never go alone just with my sister. (dancing)

I'm not sure if I would consider myself a people pleaser. I always put myself last thats for sure. HAHA I guess I am. I just want to be happy. At times I feel like a kid in the candy store, just looking but can have any candy Just watching everyone else have a good time.

I know there's alot of people worse than I am and I'm thankful for what I have. I do pray alot. Thank you for all the kindness you've shown to me. Are you a people pleaser? Are you alone alot?

Hi again- I am so happy to hear that you have a dog. That unconditional love can be so rewarding. To answer your question I am the epitomy of a people pleaser. I always have been. I am also the peacekeeper with friends family etc. It gets pretty exhuasting sometimes. I constantly worry that people are mad at me usually there is no reason for this but if they don't call for a while I can take it really personally.

I am not alone very much. My husband travels so I either go with him or stay with my parents for a visit. (The child that never leaves.) I don't have any children yet but I sure do like to be around my nieces and nephews.

I am happier when I am in a crowd. I love to meet new people. I don't like to be alone never have. The weird thing is that I can eat in a restaurant by myself and I prefer to shop by myself. My husband dosen't get that because he is quite happy being alone. I have what I would consider a lot of aquantinces and enough very good friends. Still it's hard to explain to anybody how you feel about something if they haven't been through it.

I am sorry about your divorce. I'm sure that took a toll on you. I know it's hard to do anything when your not feeling up to par. When I was in the worst part of my anxiety it was all I could do to get dressed. While I'm usually a pretty happy person. (I love to laugh and find a lot of things funny. I also cry easily and find a lot of things sad. Emotional pretty much sums that up) I couldn't even manage a smile for a long time. My parents were so worried as was my sister.

Which brings me to your family. I am so glad for you that they are there for you. Often just being with someone is a distraction for the mind. You won't have to rely on them forever just until you get over the rough spots. On this I am speaking from experience. My friend was one of those who would call ocasionally and we would maybe see each other every few months even though we only live 20 minutes from each other. One day in desperation I called her in tears. My husband was gone and I was terrified. She didn't know my attacks were back but once she found out she was like a rock. She was with me if my husband was going to be late. She listened to me and didn't judge me. She doesn't have my condition but knew I was miserable and that's all that matters. Your family will be there for you. Don't feel bad for that. Maybe one day they will need you. That's what family and friends are for to be there in times of need. One thing something like this does is show you who cares about you and who doesn't.

I bet you are hard on yourself. I saw in I think it was step three. Andrew had an excellent idea. List things that you like about yourself. I think this would be a great thing for you to do. You seem like a nice person that just needs to realize something good about themselves.

I wish you happiness. Things will get better. Think about what makes you happy. I know you mentioned some things. Anything else. What do you like better sunrise sunset. How about music what is your favorite. Do you like the beach or the mountains. Thinking about your answers to these questions my lead you to other pleasant thoughts. It works on me at times when I can't think of anything else. If you need to talk I will be here. Sometimes I'm away from the computer so If I don't answer right away I promise that I will.

P.S. Hope the spelling and punctuation are acceptable. My mind thinks a lot faster than my hands can type.

Monroe,
There are two things that may help you. One is to find a therapist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy. I had been to several different therapists over the years, but the most successful experience I had was with somebody like this. The best place to look for a qualified person is at a large University. I found somebody at the University of Pittsburgh. Universities often have research programs going on and have lots of therapists available. If you are not near a large university, try calling some therapists and see if anybody can recommend someone. I got so sick of going to a regular therapist and just talking about whatever came up. The cognitive therapist had an actual program for me and it treated both anxiety and depression. We had weekly lessons similar to the attacking anxiety tapes and I had weekly assignments to do at home. This empowered me so much because it put my recovery in my own hands and it made me feel more proactive.

The second thing you may want to do is purchase the book Feeling Good. I really liked this book and faithfully did the assignments that were suggested. There is a companion book called The Feeling Good Handbook. It is definately not enough just to read the books. You must do the work. You will see a difference. Make sure you also mention your symptoms to your physician. He/she may have suggestions for you.
Write back and let me know how you are feeling. Please don't be alone anymore! There are so many great activities and great people out there, but you have to push yourself to do them even if you don't want to. Act "as if" you are loving every minute of the activity and you may find out that you actually are enjoying yourself.
Robin

Hi again Vic....

I too like being around people or in a crowd most of the time. It keeps my mind going on other things then on myself. I'm glad to hear that you're not alone all of the time.

As for my divorce, I'm ok with it. It was very hard at first but I couldn't be married to Jekle and Hyde anymore. It was a terrible experience, but a learning one as well. So I get so afraid to get involved with anyone even though I would love to be. He wasn't a bit helpful to me when I started with the Attacks 10 years ago.

Which leads me to other men I've been involved with that weren't so nice either. I seem to pick the "Bad Boys" so I haven't been involved with anyone in about 3 years. They all have somebody else in their lives and here I sit with no one. Maybe I was too picky or maybe I just wasn't good enough. Who knows but that bothers me the most not being involved with someone. How I long to have a nice dinner with someone, great conversation, a walk a ride to the beach go shopping and so on. You're lucky. You probably have a wonderful husband.

As for the family/friend thing. My family is all I have. I stopped hanging around my friends about one year ago. I wasn't into the things that they were into. So I looked like a dork, cause I wouldn't get loaded (Drunk)and have casual sex with any guy that walked in the room of the night club. I was just there to have a good time. To be honest with you they were never my friends now that I think about it. I didn't want that kind of lifestyle for myself I never did. So they stopped talking to me or treated me badly when I saw them out. But that's ok what comes around goes around. So yes I'm very hard on myself. I try not to be but its not easy.
I had a panic attack today in my car, and I used a technique and it did help I still had the attack but not as long. It was ok. Any suggestions on how I can stay at my house by myself? What should I do. Most of the time I look around and see how empty my home is. It should be a home filled with love Like my parents house. But its filled with lonliness. What do you think I should do?

How long have you dealt with this DISORDER? Do you work?

I wish you happiness too, please feel free to email me. Thanks for listening and responding.

Peace Be With You

Monroe

Hi Monroe, There is something wrong with my e-mail so I will respond here. I have had this for about 5 years on and off. I have always been a worrier though. Drive people crazy with it. I totally understand the bad boy thing. I always did that (much to my father's dismay) I figured that I could help them. Oh boy. Luckily I wound up with a wonderful husband. ( Ironically I have assumed the role of being the one who needs help. Interesting.) You will too.

I too had a lot of friends that I went out with but it took me a long time to find the one friend who would be there for me no matter what. I do have friends that I can usually count on but no one has been there for me through this recent episode. So I say to you that this too will happen.

Now for the staying by yourself. I'm still working on that one myself. I am fine now during the day. I have rearranged just about everything in the house and made it to be my safe place. That took a lot of convincing. Night is a different story. I have never been good about being by myself at night. I don't think it's the house though. I think I just don't like to be by myself. I can entertain everyone else but myself. My mom said I have been like that for as long as she can remember. Maybe the diffence between day and night is that during the daytime I am busy. I am self-employed and work out of my house. Hard to do when your terrified to be in it. Needless to say I didn't get much done during that time period. At night I know I am supposed to go to sleep but the down time before going to bed just makes me think about stuff. If I could stay up 24 hours a day and keep busy I'd be great. I think

How much do you like animals? I have 2 cats and a dog. I would have more if I could. When my husband is away they offer me great comfort. They are all strays sent to me by God I'm pretty sure. Each one of them came to me at a time when I needed a little lift.

I know your family is telling you to volunteer but there may be something to that. I have done it a couple of times and it really made me feel good. A lot of times though you can volunteer and you don't even know your doing it. Smiling at someone who looks sad. Holding a door open. I'm sure these are things you already do. One thing I did a while ago. I was having a very bad day. I was just sad about everything. I was having lunch by myself and this elderly man walked in. He was by himself too. He was a vet (I could tell by his hat). He had this ritual that I could tell he was a very proud man. He removed his hat during lunch. I really wanted to sit with him but I didn't want to bother him. SO instead I bought his lunch. I had the waitress give me his check and I paid for it without him ever seeing me or knowing who I was. I told her to tell him that he reminded me of my Grandfather and that I wanted to thank him for being a vet. Monroe It felt so good to do that although I was a little concerned about how he would take this.

I went into the restaurant to have lunch a couple of weeks later. The waitress came to me and told me that he was flabbergasted and said that was the nicest thing anyone had ever done. He said it was the best day he had had in a long time. I'm glad to this day that I did that. I'm telling you this because doing something to help others can have such a positive affect on you. I'm sure you know this you're just having a hard time getting motivated because of how you are feeling right now.

Back to the friends thing you are right you don't need them.

Can I ask you how old you are? Not that it matters just curious

Monroe, Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Life is to short not to enjoy it. I know it's hard but it will be ok. I can't remember are you doing the tapes. I listened to tape 3 today. Oh boy did that open the thought process wide open. Let me know about that. You can e-mail me too but right now something is wrong with it. Take care

Hi Monroe, in that last speal I meant to say no one has been there for me like my one true friend. You too will find that. Totally changes the context of what I was trying to say. I told you my brain thinks faster than my hands can type. Sorry Vic

Monroe, i was reading your posts along with everyone elses. I'm a worrier too.
You say you want a family and the companionship I have that and panic just the same.
I worry that something will happen to my family and that i will not be able to deal with it. I worry about my child; school, sex, dating, having anxiety etc.
Lately I've been thinking that perhaps I should of been alone and never married. That way I wouldn't have to worry about everyone in the family.
It's funny we both want what the other has...

quote:

Originally posted by Randi:

Hi Monroe
I did send you an email and I want you to know if you ever need to someone to talk to please email me. It helps so much to know we are in good company. My biggest fear is a heart attack or stroke or some health issue. I ordered the program about 4 years ago and found tremendous success but I seem to be under a lot of stress and here I am again. Thanks to all for being there.
Randi