I thought I had this licked, but ever since 7th grade I've had a tremendous fear of reading aloud in front of other people...The anticipatory anxiety is so overwhelming...This is so embarrassing....I wonder if there is any way to overcome this ridiculous fear.

Mikey,
I know how painfully difficult this problem can be. I also remember in the 4th or5th grade going in front of the class, exposed to all my peers, reciting a poem: " I'm a Little Butterfly". The nuns picked it out. I felt so stupid and ridiculous I shook all over. That incident really left a scar. Today, I can bench 400lbs, I have a brown and black belt in 2 disciplines of karate, I'm cut and photo'd for a couple muscle rags, and I still rehearse that moment when I do readings at church or make presentations. I look at myself in the mirror, "I'm a Little Butterfly" and laugh. It's not easy, you just have to do it and the more you do the easier and more routine it becomes. You know, I look at audiences and most of them are usually "somewhere else" preoccupied in thought, or anticipating their turn to present. You are not going before some Grand Jury pleading for a merciful death, you are talking to ordinary people with the same fears, anxieties, personal diffulties as anyone else. You get up, you talk, you sit down, it's over. Before you do it, prepare yourself thoroughly, w/out getting neurotic of course, and talk to the audince from your heart, like you are talking to ONE person whom you care about. U can do it!!!!!

Mikey
I like RONT's reply. I would like to add, too, that speaking/reading in front of others was my biggest fear. I thought if I could overcome THAT, I would be free to go anywhere and do anything. Sounds good!

I noticed in your post that you present it as a (quote) "ridiculous fear". Are you saying that you are ridiculous for having the fear? That is something you may want to look at. Your language can tell you alot. I would never say to my kids that they are ridiculous for having anxiety about reading in front of a group. They are not public speakers. They do not read/speak in front of others every day. I asked my daughter to play the piano for the relatives that were here for Thanksgiving yesterday. She said no. Why? I suspect because it made her uncomfortable and she risked embarrassing herself. Should I MAKE her play? Depends. How strongly do I feel about it. Is it an opportunity that would benefit her? Has she played in front of others lately? If no, I might push for it. If yes, I'm more willing to let her decide. Can I tell if she wants to but is too fearful, or just wishes not to? Yes, I do push my kids to perform when they don't want to. It's my job as a parent. Besides, I don't want to see them grow up like me - unable to have confidence in social situations. I can help them develop confidence now while they are in my care, or I can baby their fears and leave the hard work up to them for later. I guess it's a choice. I am forced to do my hard work later (which is now). I've got to be a parent to my kids AND myself! I push myself to speak/read in public when I get opportunities - or I create opportunities if it has been a while since I've done it. I also allow myself NOT to participate if I don't feel like it that day. Depends.

I would encourage you to listen to your words. Yes, the anticipatory anxiety IS overwhelming. Speaking/reading comfortably in front of others is a skill. Some have it naturally. Others, like you and I and RONT, are not naturally comfortable with it. No big deal. It is not ridiculous to be intimidated by it. It is only embarrassing because you are expecting yourself to do it perfectly. This also discounts any efforts you make. If you approach reading in public with more compassion for yourself, you will begin to enjoy sharing and not care so much about how you look to others. What is it you are reading aloud? What is the goal for doing the reading? Most likely, there is a higher purpose for sharing that benefits you and those you are reading to. Focus on that. Be so focused on that that the negative thoughts have limited air time. It works. I know. Practice. Practice. Practice. Practice self love, that is. Every day. Practicing self love and compassion every day will spill over into those times when you have anticipatory anxiety - which is a time when you need MORE compassion and self love - not less. We don't need self criticism when we're scared and full of self doubt. Love is the answer. To all the questions.

Sorry for rambling, but this is a passionate subject for me. My decrease in anticipatory anxiety lets me know that I am putting this compassion into practice. I hope you will too.

Tammy

Hello;
I wanted to share that for me, real power over panic came when I started to DELIBERATELY put myself into situations that were anxiety producing for me. I know this might sound strange at first but try it on a small level and build from there. It is certainly wonderful to begin by practicing the skills from the program when things come at you and you have no choice. This fuels you to continue on. And before you know it, you begin putting yourself "out there." It's so freeing! I started slowly by going to Chinese restuarants when I was petrified of SARS. Seems funny now but it was SO real to me then. Then I moved on and on. Recently, I did something I was really afraid of doing, and wrote and performed a mini-skit at a mothers function I had organized for 30 women! The week before I kept thinking I wouldn't be able to do it but the day came and by the grace of God I did it. I felt my clothes moving from my beating heart! But it was awesome and the ladies appreciated my attempt at entertaining them soooo much. I enjoyed seeing their smiles and hearing their laughs at the lines I wrote, etc. I'm so glad I chose to stick myself out there. Somehow, in chosing to put myself into anxiety producing events, I feel free from anxiety more and more. Just my .02....hope it blesses!
Psalm91

quote:

Originally posted by Psalm91:
[qb]Hello;
I wanted to share that for me, real power over panic came when I started to DELIBERATELY put myself into situations that were anxiety producing for me. I know this might sound strange at first but try it on a small level and build from there. It is certainly wonderful to begin by practicing the skills from the program when things come at you and you have no choice. This fuels you to continue on. And before you know it, you begin putting yourself "out there." It's so freeing! I started slowly by going to Chinese restuarants when I was petrified of SARS. Seems funny now but it was SO real to me then. Then I moved on and on. Recently, I did something I was really afraid of doing, and wrote and performed a mini-skit at a mothers function I had organized for 30 women! The week before I kept thinking I wouldn't be able to do it but the day came and by the grace of God I did it. I felt my clothes moving from my beating heart! But it was awesome and the ladies appreciated my attempt at entertaining them soooo much. I enjoyed seeing their smiles and hearing their laughs at the lines I wrote, etc. I'm so glad I chose to stick myself out there. Somehow, in chosing to put myself into anxiety producing events, I feel free from anxiety more and more. Just my .02....hope it blesses!
Psalm91[/qb]

This is what is called LIVING the faith. Thanks for sharing, Psalm91

In what context do you have to read aloud in front of people? Personally, I hate reading aloud (to adults; kids are fine), but I don't mind speaking in front of groups. I find reading aloud makes me feel very trapped (I *have* to say every word on the page no matter what) and makes me feel disconnected from the listener. So, for me, I never read word-for-word from a paper when giving a presentation; I always use notes, instead, so that I can have my key points in front of me but don't feel trapped by a written-out speech. It works very well for me, and I actually think I give better presentation and lesson than if I were reading from a "script," since I can interact with the listeners more.

Lori

Gosh, this is so embarassing to admit, but I can barely manage to read out loud to one person. I used to love to participate in school as a kid and volunteered all the time to read aloud. I was one of the best readers. Then came jr. high, when I was reading a program to my chorus class. All of a sudden I became aware of my voice reverberating off the class room walls, aware that about sixty pairs of eyes were looking at me. I lost my breath and my heart pounded out of my chest. I didn't finish, instead I handed my program over to a classmate.
Thus a phobia was born. I don't know..is this social anxiety or is a phobia connected to my panic disorder? I don't give speeches either. This is really holding me back in college. I don't believe I will get past this...it seems impossible to me since I've had it for so long. If I could figure out how to keep the physical symptoms from happening, I could get through it. The symptoms are debilitating.
I would appreciate any feedback from ppl who have been here and know what I am going through. Thanks...I hope you won't judge me as a freak.

hi boo, your not a freak it was a panic attack, i had them all the time too. I would run out of classes ect. I could sing in front of 1000 people but if i had to say one word, i would have panic attacks and run out of rooms. I had no idea what it was tho.I actually had a degree in teaching and I drank to get thru my presentations. It is panic disorder and attacks that does it you are not a freak.
This still is my hardest thing to do, although I havent been in hardly any settings where i have to speak in front of others since i got treatment, i think this is the #1 hardest thing to do is speaking in front of others.
Lori

I haven't gotten to this session yet, but your question caught my attention. Speaking in public has always been a MAJOR fear for me. But, public speaking, in some form or another, is something I have always wanted to do. My (now) ex-husband told me that I would NEVER be able to be a Lector at church. So, after I threw him out in 2000, my first thing to reach for was to become a Lector. So I did. I took lessons on proper breathing (the same as is taught in the Relaxation Session) and Lector Training. I took every chance I could to try it out, reading during Mass. I'd be scared to death, but I was determined. Now I Lector on a regular basis, at least twice a month, and get many compliments. I still get a little bit antsy feeling beforehand, but I know that I can do it, and I'm sure the Program will make it that much easier for me. I hope this helps you, somehow. Good luck.