I have a 1 month old baby and i feel totally overwelmed. I feel that the responsability is too much for me. I am very scared that i will not be able to look after the baby properly in the event of an emergency. I am driving my whole family crazy by my overprotection of this baby. I am trying to do everything to perfection. The baby eats at a schedule and everyone else has to follow.I spend the whole day in the baby's room and looking over the baby while she sleeps to make sure that she is breathing properly.I have taken every posible baby class and read every book. Still i feel inadecuate and unable to handle it. I do not want to sleep when the baby sleeps because i feel that she may wake up and i might not realize it. I feel so guilty if i fall a sleep that i have nightmares. Just this morning i had a nightmare in which i left the baby unatended in my bed and she fell. In the dream i was trying to wake her up to prevent her from getting menigitis. This is something i heard from a friend a couple of days before.
Have anyone experience this overwelming feeling after the birth of their first child. Is this normal or extreme? Waht can i do to understand that i can only do my best and accidents can happen to anyone? Please help!!!!

Congratulations on the birth of your baby!The nature of your thoughts shows that you really love and want the best for your baby. I think a lot of people have these thoughts-- obssesive worry about their health or safety and the health and safety of those they love. Have you had struggles with anxiety before? Do you know what else in your past or your life might be contributing to this? Do you have family or a Dr. or a counsellor you could talk to? Do you have this program? It really helps with all kinds of anxious thinking. You might want to call your Dr.'s office and talk to a nurse or Dr. YOu may be having a lot of hormonal adjustments- post-partum depression can show up in different ways, and when you're not getting enough sleep- it's hard to think clearly at all! One of the things we learn in this program is everytime you have a negative thought( any that make you feel scared, depressed, etc.) write it down- yes, this will take time, but it's worth it. Then write down a true, positive, compassionate, kind, thought to replace it with everytime you think it, and after a while it will become more of a natural habit. So, if your thought is "I'm a bad mother if i don't stay in here and watch my baby's breathing", then you could replace it with " I'm a caring mother because i'm so concerned. Many new mom's feel this way. I will become more confident and relaxed as time goes on. I will watch the baby for ,say, 10 min. then go and rest myself. I will feel less worried if I get some rest myself." I personally would remind myself that this baby is a gift from God, the Creator of life, and He has this baby's life in His hands. I encourage you to take care of yourself- get some relaxation music to listen to, do something that relaxes you. You will be a mother for many years, and you need to pace yourself- it's ok to get some help-people love to help with a new baby. The more you can rest and enjoy these precious times, the more of a wise and confident mother you will be. Someone said-" you can't pour from an empty pitcher"- meaning that you give so much, you need to nourish yourself as well. I also want to encourage you to keep writing here, there are many understanding people, and you aren't alone, or the only one who's ever struggled with these feelings. I have 3 children-9, 6 and 4- and I had a hard time not worrying about them, we all go in and check their breathing at first!- you don't have to do everything perfectly, you and your family are unique and you will begin to know you baby and trust your instincts. I never really felt like "myself" untill about 6 weeks postpartum, and it's stil a huge adjustment, and responsibility. But you will adjust, and you will have the strength to handle whatever comes your way. Enjoy the present moment-it's all you have. When you worry, you're either in the past or the future, and you ruin you moment. Your little one will grow so fast, and i hope you will soon be feeling better. Keep writing!

[This message has been edited by Mint Flower (edited 10-26-2001).]

KATHIE -
As a mother of three and soon to be a grandma i can tell you your feelings are natural. You need to learn to relax and know that God is watching over that baby too.Chances of any of those things happening to your baby are slim to none. And as for everything else your maternal instinct will cover the rest. I am a very hard sleeper, but when my kids cry I HEAR THEM.
RELAX AND ENJOY BEING A MOMMY !

Kathy, Talk to your doctor right away about your feelings. You are experiencing very common symptoms of post partem depression. this will go away in time, but you may need help to get through it. I had a very severe case of it after my first child, and I was scared to death. I had never experienced anxiety to that degree before. As far as sleeping, I can assure you that you will wake up if the baby makes the slightest sound. I was a hard sleeper before I had kids, and now I'm not. I wish I could get some of my old sleeping habits back. But post partem depression is nothing to play around with. It won't kill you, but it can rob you of much joy unless you know what you are dealing with.

Thanks for your concern and kind words. I am feeling a lot better after reading your replies. The good news is that my doctor ruled out post partum depresion, the bad news is that i had a galbladder attack and will go for surgery this friday.Also my baby was diagnose with a heart murmur she will go for an ecg also on Friday.

I will apreciate any positive words and prayers.

Thanks

Kathie,
How are you and your baby? I hope your surgery went well and hope the news with the babys heart is positive too. Let us know. Reena