I am going through the horrible "what if's" and trying to make a decision about myself. First of all, I have been going through anxiety for about 2 years now and through my therapist I I learned it is because I do not feel safe. I thought it was dependency but I do not feel safe. My husband works for a computer company and has been traveling every week usually Mon-Thurs. leaving me at home with my boys (4 and 11mos.) We do not see an end to this travel unless we move cross country to the headquarters of his company. I live in Virginia. anyways, my anxiety has increased when he is gone and this current assignment he has to leave on Sundays to be at the job in the a.m. Starting Saturdays I start to have anxiety symptoms- physical like the lump in my throat, breathing wrong and chest symptoms. Today for example i felt palpitations(which I have everyday non related to anxiety) and I got nervous and then nausea with my stomach going into knots which is the way I feel Mon-Thurs. I am seeing a great therapist and had a friend that lived here but is now gone because her husband transferred out of state. She was the only friend I had here and my family is in Michigan. I like it here in Virginia (have been here 3 yrs) but my husband feels we should move back home to MI. I want to try and beat this anxiety and not depend on him for my well being while he is gone but i have had panic attacks where I called 911 while he was out of state. My what if's occur and now that I am alone again I don't want something like that to happen again yet I know it could. I have been controlling my anxiety and have been talking myself down and that was when I had my friend here as backup IF somethng happened she could watch my kids. I don't want to move home yet I think I should until I am 100% mentally, sometimes i feel guilty about that because I don't want to have to put my mom through my anxiety and depend on her even though that is what family is for. I feel I may burden her. I am just feeling horrible becaue my husband has to leave again, I cry every Sunday now and I didn't get married to not have a husband and be stuck to raise the boys alone, sometimes I need the help or a break! He is even considering leaving the company for a local job but with the way things are these days job security is at an all time low! He would be leaving because he misses the boys and raising them and the family in general not just because of my anxiety. I would feel a little more secure at home because it is where I am from and I know my way around and have my mom and a couple of friends. In Virginia I have no family or friends, I belong to a moms group but I haven't met anyone I associate with outside of it.
I just need words of encouragement while I try to survive another week ambushing negative thoughts

P.S. I must admit that before he leaves I get those thoughts that I wish something would happen so that my husband does not have to leave. I wish for the flu or anything where he would have to stay home. He has been traveling since he started with that company which has been 2.5 years.(Sometimes he may get to stay home a week to 3 weeks but he still has to work from home) That is why I felt maybe I have a dependancy problem because I don't want to be alone and feel dependant on him to keep me company. I cannot work now because I am not putting my youngest in daycare until he is 3. I cannot go to school to complete my degree because he is gone Mon-Thurs and I have no one to watch the boys in the evening if I took night classes. There are no online classes for education majors in my area. Thank You for 'listening' and any support and wordds are appreciated.

Hi Lecah,
Hello, I hope you get this. The situation you are in seems to be presenting a two fold situation that is not helping you and is understanding to anyone who has to deal with anxiety. Remember that you are not a "burden" to anyone. If anyone in your family got sick, I'd bet you'd be the first one there if possible.
It is important for you to realize that is a negative thought habit that will take compassionate self talk to get over.
You have an anxiety disorder and you are alone (adult wise)where you are living. This makes your panic attacks when they come scarier, because you want a friend or family member around to help with your children when they happen. This is because your first concern is for thier well-being. You sound like a smart and responsible, loving mother.
I am new, but when I had severe panic attacks, I had my sister or husband to take care of the kids.
I hope you can get on the post or put in the relaxation tape when you feel one coming on. I found the breathing excercises extremely helpful when I was alone and had no one to talk to. Just listening to the voice is soothing to me. Maybe this will help you. Remember you may be alone in your home when your husband is away, but you are not alone in this problem. And there are many kind and compassionate people here on the forum.
You are capable and 100% mentally able to do this and no one has to go it alone. I have gotten alot of good advice from the tapes and forum.
I admire your wanting to finish your degree, and waiting till your youngest is three is great! Thats what I did (not get a degree)but going to work. and I never regretted it. You won't either. Stop telling yourself that you are dependent. You are taking responsiblity, you have a job already. You are a MOM, and raising them all alone. I'm sorry for this working condition which keeps your husband away for so long at a time.
Negative thinking can twist our minds out of reality and distort the real person within us. I hope you keep writing and working the program. I have been able to stop having panic attacks with the breathing excersices a couple of times, so I'm not as scared of them now.
Best wishes and I hope today is getting better.
You will be better, it just takes time.

get on the forum and say HELP PANIC ATTACK - there is always someone on this forum I've noticed and can help you.