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Stress Center Community Forums "Attacking Anxiety & Depression" Program Session 8 - Put an End to "What-If" Thinking what if most of your 'what ifs' have come true?
Stress Center Community Forums "Attacking Anxiety & Depression" Program Session 8 - Put an End to "What-If" Thinking what if most of your 'what ifs' have come true?|
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Hi,
This is a tough one for me. What if most of your 'what ifs' have come true. When I was a child, I remember watching Little House on the Praire, the episode where Mary lost her sight. I thought to myself someday that is going to happen to me. I remember being afraid of passing out. That has happened to me. I passed out, took several seizures, ended up in a hospital with a brain aneurysm, had brain surgery and when I woke up I could not see. It was so absolutely terrifying not being able to see my kids faces. Thankfully almost one year later, my vision has returned to almost normal, although I do still have a few problems. Anytime I feel a twinge in my head or get a slight headache or think my eyes feel funny I go into a full blown panic attack. I suffer daily from panic attacks now. I am afraid to go anywhere almost although I will go 'if I have no choice'. I know have a good excuse to avoid going places.(ie I don't feel well today due to my surgery, etc)My husband doesn't understand. He is angry all the time and this makes my condition worse. [This message has been edited by Lora (edited 06-17-2001).] |
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Hi Lora,
Wow, what an experience you have been through.! I used to love Little House as well! I remember that episode about Mary but I never thought about that happening to me. I wonder sometimes if we just simply "know" when things like that will happen.... For example - when I was about 16 - I told myself "I probably will never have children". Well, here it is 26 years later and no kids!... It was there was something wrong with me! I just simply KNEW. Weird hey? I would have loved kids, and when I told myself that I guess I really didn't believe it - how could I - but I still did tell myself the truth. Your panic comes from a physical condition doesn't it? My girlfriend has MS and she says her anxiety is terrible. She says since she got MS her body "hums" with anxiety. I remember my head used to sort of Hum before I got help. Please hang in there and try and do little bits for yourself - remember, the smaller the stitch, the tighter the garment! Sincerely, |
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Hi prncessbuttercup, I am not sure if my anxiety comes from my physical condition --no one has ever mentioned that before. I suffered from anxiety before I got sick. I am going to ask at my next doctors appointment though. It is funny how sometimes I think that we do have premonition of what is going to happen to us -scary eh?-I would rather not know! I am sorry to hear of the troubles that you have had-Lucinda is right-Life is not fair!
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Okay, here is what I think: It is NOT irrational anxiety to feel afraid of a pain in your head when you know that in the past you have had brain surgery. This sound like a 'real' fear to me not an exaggerated one.
Go to your doctor.. ask if everything is okay and what signs or symptoms you need to be careful and observant of. Try to allay your fears in other areas. For example, your surgery obviously would have scared most of us. Brain surgery isn't a piece of cake here. Sure, I 'd be nervous too about it. However, you have life now.. focus on your precious present moment. When you begin feeling anxious about your head ask yourself : 1. Is this a symptom the doctor told me to look out for? I will write down the time, lenght and severity of it. Then I will forget about it. If I begin to have a pattern of these pains then I will make an appointment and take my notes with me and see if the doctor feels this is something to worry about.. if he says it is not. I will tear up my paper and forget about it. by journaling the pains you can have a valid record for your doctor (that is not exaggerated) and it will help to alleviate ur anxiety..it's written down and documented now I can forget about it... if you see a pattern then obviously it's time to get your doctors opinion. I hope this helps. (((Hugs))) Dawn Moreno P.S Remember, all we have is our precious present moment. Let's enjoy every second it.
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Strange, I knew at age 16 I would never have kids either. I am 37 now and childless and tried hard to get pregnant. Dawn
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Hi Dawn, Thanks so much. I makes so much sense what you have said! I think that sometimes I just get so caught up in my 'troubles' that I forget to use the skills that I am learning in the program. I will try documenting my physical symptoms. I go to my Doctor on Tuesday and I will take my journal with me. I need to learn how to deal with what has happened to me and remember to be so very thankful that I am alive!
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Hi, what a rough road you've had. I'm so glad you are able to see your kids' beautiful faces again. How much can you relate to the personality traits that are talked about in the program? I could totally relate. IT took me awhile to see it in myself. I had to take my time.
I can look back and see it in myself as a kid. Also, have the doctors said you are still at risk? Of have they given you a clean bill of health? Iliked the advice about asking the doc exactly what you should look for. Tell him you are having anxiety and panic and want to know what to ignore and what to take note of. Tell him you want to get better and are working on it. IF he gives you a clean bill of health then chalk it all up to anxiety. Relax, and live in the precious present moment. Not the past. Plus starting and exercise plan would be so helpful but ask your doc about that too first. I really think you can get over this. Even with what you have gone thru. Sincerely, Reena |
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Hi Reena, Wow you are such a postive person. I sure wish I had your attitude! I admire that. You asked me if I could relate to the personality traits mentioned in the program. BOY_CAN I! I think this program was wrote for me! I look back and I KNOW that I have suffered my entire life with this horrible disorder. It has just became considerably worse in the past 1 1/2yrs. My brain surgeon told me that I should be able to live a normal life (whatever that is) He also said that the problem in my brain 'was fixed forever and it will never bother me again". Somehow I just don't believe that 100%. I have to work on that one! I am still on medications to prevent seizures. I have been seizure free for almost one yr now! I still worry though. I know I am so lucky in so many ways. I thank God everyday for allowing me to see my children's faces again. I don't think I could have lived if I couldn't have. My kids are great! They are the joy of my life and my BEST medicine. I know my problem now is anxiety. I have to learn how the deal with it better. THAnks so much for your advice and your votes of convidence! God BLess YOu!
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also, I forgot to mention that my Doctor said the brain aneurysm could have ruptured sooner due to stress! I was born with the aneurysm--but stress/anxiety could have cause the ruptures years and years before it would have occurred[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lora:
[B] |
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Hi Lora,
Your experiences in life did not occur because of your "what ifing"......they occurred because things happen in life. It's that simple. Stop analyzing your situations and start embracing them. It sounds like you are "fighting" everything that is going on in your life. When you start looking for the gifts that all your situations have brought to you (including anxiety) you'll be more at peace with yourself. A great book to help you with that is "Dark Side of the Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford. Excellent book on loving all parts of yourself and it works hand in hand with Attacking Anxiety and Depression. Good luck to you. You're on the right path. Bon
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Dear Lora,
A huge "what-iffer" myself, I can identify with your distress. I am finding tho, that my fears aren't usually founded in the what-if's or the idea of a negative event actually happening (as I am aware that negative things such as sickness, death etc.. are a part of life). I believe my problem stems mostly from the fear that I wouldn't be able to handle it. I don't trust that I have the ability to properly cope with bad things.. therefore, lack of self-confidence and self-esteem is sometimes the culprit here. For me anyways. I have a bowel disease that has been diagnosed as "aggressive". I've been in and out of hospitals since I was 17 (am now 35) and had surgeries, needles, tests etc.. My life, for the most part, IS quite depressing - sick quite often, unable to have children or hold down a steady job, underweight and undernourished etc... But the most difficult part of all of this is the anticipation of another severe bout of the disease. I quite often go to bed scared that I will wake up with a bowel obstruction (many have happened during the night), or that I will have a hemmorage again. For the past 2 years or so, I have been obsessing over every little abdominal pain - does it mean I'm bleeding, going to obstruct, or god forbid, something new?! I didn't always deal this way but many other life issues came up and everything just got overwhelming. I know that I can handle being sick, being in hospital, starting over again and again as I have proved to myself, beyond the shadow of doubt, that I am eternally hopeful and positive that I will learn something thru these experiences and be able to get back on my feet. What I can't handle sometimes tho, is what I've lost. And what I stand to lose if I don't get better. I never used to think that I needed to mourn (or feel angry with) some of these losses or face the fear I felt when I was diagnosed or the silent fears I experienced prior to diagnoses. I didn't want to, and somtimes still don't want to, look at how different my life has been in compared to others around me. How physical pain has intertwined it's way into my everyday existence and how the fear of future pain controls me at times. It's pretty hard to deal with some situations "the moment" of it happening, such as your aneurysm, and perhaps the things that you coudn't actively look at and face at the time need some recognition. After all, you did have a frightening experience that affected your entire being, not just your body. This is strange but sometimes as I'm falling asleep, I am jolted awake by the "thought" of an naso-gastric tube being put thru my nose. Then I become terrified as to when the next time will be. I try to soothe myself by saying that a part of me still needs to be consoled. To remember that it's over now and I handled it well when it happened the times before. I also give myself permission to feel bad or sad that I had to experience such things and that chances are high that I'll experience them again. Also, I don't kid myself about the fact that such experiences are NOT nice and that I have the ability to cope with them as well. [Just a little note in regards to the naso-gastric tubes - some people with severe bowel disease have to tube themselves to administer enteral feedings. It helps keep them alive.. wow, what courage.] So, essentially, I have found that by allowing myself to feel whatever I am being called to feel in regards to unpleasant past experiences, by engaging my positive coping skills (even a good cry once in a while is ok) and being honest about the fact that being sick sucks (always has, always will!) I can get closer to the positive and joyful things (both within and without) and people that I have encountered thru the disease. Hey, a path is a path and I have learned and seen many fine things on this particularily odd one! I'm sure that you have seen and felt more than you believe you can handle Lora. Your experience must have been very scary and the thought of it happening again must also be overwhelming at times. Please remember that you are strong and courageous. You are a survivor on your way to living again. You have seen and experienced and recovered from a part of this world that many of us can only imagine. And you are still in one piece. You still have room for a smile. You still have the ability to love. And best of all, you have learned that life is precious and valuable... bet that once you've conquered these present fears, you'll truly understand why it's important to stop and smell the roses. Take Care and Blessings, Emma Oops, I'm sorry I didn't say anything about the Little House thing.. really don't know much about that - perhaps a premonition? Perhaps a simple fear - how many other things were you afraid would happen to you and never happened.. so maybe just a coincedence? |
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Hi Bon, What a great piece of advice you have given me. I have never thought about it like that before. You are totally right. You have made me feel better today. Thank you.
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Hi Emma. Wow! You are such a strong person! I admire that. You have been through so much and you have such a positive attitude. Life can be scary, there is no doubt about that, but I know that I have to learn to believe that 'bad things happen, its just part of life' I really have to work on my 'what ifs'. AFter reading your reply, I know that I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. God Bless.
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Stress Center Home Stress Center Community Forums "Attacking Anxiety & Depression" Program Session 8 - Put an End to "What-If" Thinking what if most of your 'what ifs' have come true?
Stress Center Community Forums "Attacking Anxiety & Depression" Program Session 8 - Put an End to "What-If" Thinking what if most of your 'what ifs' have come true?