I cant find the post now, but through what someone said on here recently and what a friend of mine, Psalm 91 said on the phone the other day to me....I realized that my biggest hurdle still with this thing is I AM STILL AFRAID OF THE SENSATIONS! Someone on a post said once she stopped being afraid of the sensations, she stopped being afraid!

Alot of what Lucinda covers on her tapes, I have already worked out over the years. I have good self esteem, good nutrition and exercise, pretty assertive, not too guilty, dont wrestle with obsessive scarey thoughts or depression....all these things were bigger problems at one time, but not really anymore. Not huge. But what IS still huge is how afraid I am of the sensations that come with anxiety and panic. I have had this problem (and sensations) for 30 years, you'd think it would just get old! But I think I still dread those horrid sensations of panic just as much as I did when I was young. So I still avoid most situations that may lead to them. For years these sensations would come randomly. Not just from thoughts like we learn on these tapes, but from chemical imbalances within me. One minute I'd be fine and the next I'd be ready to run out the door! Before I knew what this all was, I coped by latching onto "safe people" and staying in places I could exit quickly and stayed close to home which was "safe". It worked on one hand and gave me some kind of a life, but it created a prison on the other hand because I was bound to these false safeties. But when I was about 28 I started having panic attacks at home, with safe people...anywhere, anytime. Discovering I had a severe chemical imbalance 11 years ago that was contributing to these random attacks, I started working with a biochemist to correct this imbalance through diet, vits and amino acids, NO DRUGS. He helped me immensely. As I stayed on the diet, the spacey, dizzy, feelings of unrealties, feelings of craziness and hopelessness, waking up in cold sweats, nightmares, obsessive behaviors, feeling cold and hot at the same time, crying fits...all these subsided. The only times I have begun to feel these again are when I veer off my diet for too long and the imbalance starts to return. Though my chemistry changed and I feel much more in control...I still avoid the many things I wouldn't and couldn't do when I was really bad all those years. I still have safe people and safe distances just out of habit...i can still have panic attacks when I'm in a situation if I had one way back. My "CD" still plays the same old tune! But today I realized that my biggest hurdle is to not be afraid of the sensations that come with panic anymore! I don't wake up in the middle of the night anymore in a cold sweat...that was all chemical stuff. But if someone asks me to drive offshore (I live on an island) with them (I can go with my husband but no one else)immediately the sensations come just thinking about going! My thoughts start."What if I panic. What if I can't breath. What if I tell them I need to go back and they won't take me and I'm gasping for air!". I still HATE the FEELINGS that come with these thoughts and situations. The racing heart, the sweaty palms, and my worst...shortness of breath. So I avoid these situations STILL just because I don't want to feel those feelings! Narrowing this down to what seems to be my biggest hurdle and fear still IS A BIG BREAKTHROUGH for me! Now I know I have to really work on my relaxation skills, my self talk, my "what if" thinking and LEARNING not to be afraid of the sensations that come when I go to do something I use to be afriad of. If I can learn to float better when those sensations start coming and learn to stop feeding those feelings with my "oh my gosh" thoughts......I'M OUTTA HERE! Any thoughts from anyone appreciated! Pray for me...I want OUT!
Blessings,
Peaches

Peach;
That's great, great news! I got your email as well! I was reading your post and thinking that Tape 8 and tape 10 would especially pertain to what you've shared here but the ones leading up to it gently prepared me to hear the message and gather the courage necessary to make the changes. It's been hard work and as I shared with you the other day, I had to fight against my fears of even listening to the tapes sometimes. It's like I wanted to sabatoge myself! Lucinda talks and talks about this very thing of which you were writing - getting over the fear of the symptoms. The tapes have built me up so that I have begun feeling more confident and courageous and determined! I can see you are catching the fire girl! We are facing the dragon! All we have to do is turn around and face it, stand firm, and say that we don't care what we feel like, we don't care what thoughts race through our minds, we are going to do the very things we fear regardless. And by doing so we are going to recreate that stinking brain chemistry by the very act of doing things INSPITE of the thoughts and sensations! I'm praying for you and pulling for you. I know you are doing the same for me - I feel it! Those days that we have wistfully dreamed about are coming our way! Baby steps of course....but we CAN AND WILL do it!

wow Peaches, your post could have been written by me. I too realize it all boils down to accepting a panic attack. Easier said than done eh? Yes, the sensations are still too great for me to float. I can't seem to just let go and float, my body is going through too many reactions. I've changed my diet, am assertive, not too guilty and most of the other things we learn on the tapes, bottom line I know, is accept that panic attack. I did the homeopathic route also. A nutrionalist helped me a great deal and I will say that for "anxiety", it's helped a lot, but not enough for panic attacks therefore the what if's are there a little. so, after years of contemplating, I'm going back on meds. I was on them before, did great, went off, not so great. This program has helped me alot and I think the combo will be great.

Nice to hear your story. Brigitte

quote:

A lot of us dream about the future never realizing a little arrives each day.

Peaches,
YES, YES, YES!!!! It's the fear of the symptoms of panic that keeps the panic cycling!!!!!!!!
Noone likes the feeling of panic, especially in a strange public place and all alone without your safety net around to make you feel better.
Putting yourself in these situations more often will allow you to deal with your fears of your symptoms and help you break through and understand that YOU are your safe person, you are your safe place!!

I had a thought the other day when I was out by myself and my kids. I don't remember what I was doing but I remember the thought "what if I panic right here, right now?"...... I thought to myself "wow, that's so wierd because I don't care if I do".... But it goes to show that even as far as I have come in recovery, my mind still wants to resort to old bad habits of thinking. I was amazed at how quick my new habit of "telling myself the truth" kicked in and how little anxiety I felt about whether or not I would panic.

It has taken me 2 years to get to this point and the things I have learned, I could never un-learn.

So.....it's ONLY FORWARD from here!

Hang in there! Changes are coming!! Be patient with yourself and accepting NO MATTER how you feel. Always tell yourself the TRUTH !!

I'm really glad to read this post, since I too, believe that I must get beyond the fear of the symptoms.
All day yesterday and all day today have been very rough, with intensified symptoms. So much so, that I catch myself wondering how these symptoms can be "false". I have actually been in pain...real physical pain.
Its almost as if the feelings have a life of thier own, seemingly regardless of what we think.
But I know that somehow, some way, I am fearing the sensations. I dont know why I beat myself up.
Really, I am such a good person!! I often catch myself thinking so many negative things about myself. How frustrating! I can take any scenario and twist it to make myself less than good enough.
You know, I have three vehicles....all of them have cassette players that dont work. The trucks I drive at work have CD players only. I never listen to the tapes anymore! I bought a portable cassette player....dropped it, now it doesnt work....The devil???
Anyways.....Thanks for the shot in the arm.....