I am so frustrated. It seems that these last few weeks I have been dealing with one irrational thought after the other. It started out with the fear of becoming insane, and then moved on to scary thoughts and images of myself hurting others. I have for the most part been able to overcome these thoughts and toss them back and know that they are only thoughts, and that I could never be capable of doing such things. Things for the most part have been good ever since, until I began having other thoughts/worries that seem to hit home closer, and cause me more anxiety/depression.

I should give you a little background before I get to this next part. Juli is a woman I have known for over a year, and have been dating seriously now for almost 2 months. She is almost perfect to me in all ways. I have for these last 2 months, experienced nothing but wonderful things with her. I have had no doubt or stress over our relationship. I truly felt that I had found my soul mate�..until recently���.

I have been seeing Juli seriously now for about 2 months. I have been nothing but excited, and happy about our relationship. Earlier this week I began to experience significant anxiety over some doubt I had concerning the two of us. Juli and I have slightly different religious views, and I began to obsess that this difference would ultimately end our relationship. For almost two days, I could think of nothing else. Every time I thought of the potential of losing Juli over this situation, I began to have anxiety. At times it would border on panic. I felt I needed to choose between Juli, and my religion. After talking to Juli about religion one day, I was able to realize that we could be compatible with some religious differences. The anxiety and depression ceased�.for maybe a day.

Out of the blue I began to worry about my age difference with Juli. She is 7 years older than me. Now I am worrying that I may not be interested in her if she begins to �look old� or something. I know it�s stupid, and unimportant to me, but nonetheless I am worrying about it constantly. Juli has a horse, and has spent a lot of time out in the sun. She has wrinkles, and two more prominent wrinkles in her face that make her look a little older than she is. I have rarely thought anything of this until now. Now I look at those wrinkles, and panic. I worry that I will be unhappy with her in the future. I worry that I will want to leave her, and hurt her in that process. Why am I nit picking? I know nobody is perfect, most of all myself. To make this sound even stranger, I know my panic/worry comes from the fear that these thoughts are going to convince me to break things off with Juli, and then I will fear that I have lost someone really special. Someone whom had the potential to be my soul mate. I know deep down in my heart that these are stupid thoughts. I know I love Juli, and care not for these things, but for some reason I cannot get my subconscious mind to let go of them, and they are driving me crazy. All I want to do is enjoy my relationship with this wonderful woman and yet I find myself simply worrying about one thing or other. I know that I will get through this current thought, but I fear it will only be replaced with something else.

Does this sound like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? I fear that maybe I am looking for someone perfect, and we all know that does not exist. Please help me. Please tell me if you have had similar thoughts, or experiences.

Hi, honey. I know I answered this post already. Where did my reply go? Very confused. Feel like I'm losing it.

amy

Accipiter

It's not OCD (insert legal disclaimer that I'm not a licensed psychiatrist and only they can diagnose blah blah blah.. ).

OCD includes a behavior component, not just obsessive thoughts - something like, washing your hands repeatedly even if they are clean, counting to eleven compulsively each time you touch a doorknob, stuff like that.

That is one impressive description of obsessive, scary thought patterns, though.

Have you tried the 'basics' for dealing with them? Create some positive thought replacements to gently repeat when they occur. Something along the lines of, 'I am am intelligent, confident, caring person; I trust myself to use these skills to create the best relationship for me; I am strong enough to handle differences of opinion'... that sort of thing.

Try picking up that notebook from the first weeks of the program, the one to record negative thoughts in. Use it. Whenever one of these thoughts occurs, write it down, then write a replacement. While you're about it, weed out any other negative patterns that have started creeping back in

Do a reality check. Think back to other times in your life when you had a favorite obsessive thought. Did it come to pass? Was it worth all that effort and heartache?

And last but not least, remember - they're only, thoughts. They're not real. Honst to goodness. It /feels/ like it's something that demands instant attention, because if it weren't, it wouldn't be a terribly effective obsessive though, now would it. If the things you are afraid of come to be, there will be more than enough time to deal with them then. Think, solve, then release - any more time spent on them is time wasted when you could be doing something fun.

WayStone

Very good response, Waystone. I have OCD, and you're right; it's not just the thoughts (although i have them too). And sometimes the thoughts can be worse than the actions.

hope you are feeling better, accipiter.

lvoe-ames