I have been going through the program and have found many of the tools helpful to me. I have found the insight that Lucinda has, to be just perfect. I have recommended the program to my primary Doctor and she is going to buy it. However, I feel that I might never recover. I am still having a lot of trouble. I tried to put myself out there and do things that I have previously avoided, and I feel that it blew up in my face. I have not worked outside the home for many years. I have had an in home daycare, and several self employment jobs where I could keep away from people (because they scare me). I decided to interview for a job, and try to get back into the work force. I thought it might help me recover. The night before the interview I had to take a small dose of Ativan (.75mg), because I couldn't sleep. Then I woke up a few hours later with HR of 150. I didn't feel too bad during the interview and, at that point, I considered it a success, but the rest of the day my HR was between 115-140. It didn't go down until 11pm. Then the next day I woke up with a high BP (165/103). I have not had high BP before. My BP continued to be high until today. It was accompanied with a terrible head ache (pressure) and neck ache. I went to the Dr. She didn't seem to have an answer. I still have a little bit of pressure in my head, but I feel so much better. Now I think this whole thing may have been from the stress of the interview. I am really doubting myself and thinking that maybe everyone can be helped but me. I tried to do something that was hard and it blew up in my face and I put my health at risk. If anyone has any words of encouragement or if you have been through anything like this, I'd love to hear from me. I seldom feel very supported. Thanks in advance!

Hi Wendy: Good for you that you went for the interview. That is great! This site is of some support but many people are at different stages in their journey. I can relate about a job interview. It does make you nervous and that is normal. Mine was just the same I was nervous and the anxiety lasts with me the entire day. So what? How far are you in the program? Try not to beat yourself up and feel that this program cannot help. It can if you let it and be patient with yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back for what you do accomplish. As time goes on Wendy it does get easier. Listen to the relaxation tape and calm yourself down. Talk to yourself with compassion that does help. When you are not feeling the best just float with it. The next day will get better. Take care
Denise

Hi Denise, thanks for responding. I appreciate that you took the time to write to encourage me. I am glad the interview went OK, but I am not happy that I had such a reaction for so many days afterward. Today, I am just glad that I am feeling better and that I can focus on positive things. I am just starting my 9th week. I keep feeling like I need to spend many weeks on just one lesson. I have done that a few times, but now I'm think I might try to go a little faster. I am on my way to biofeedback appointment, but thanks again for writing. Are you doing the program? If you are, where are you in it. Did you get the job you interviewed for? I'd like to hear more about your story.

Wendy

Hi Wendy

Bless your heart for getting out there to that interview. I am on CD 8 and am just getting the nerve to step outside the door. I mowed my lawn last weekend and had the same reaction as you did with your interview. I can not imagine going to an interview at this point so hooray for you! I like you think that I will never get to the point of the people on the CD's in the group sessions. Sometimes I feel very bummed because I so want to be able to get in the car and drive myself to the places I need to go so I am not a PIA to my family and friends. I cry everytime I have to call them for a ride to the doctor. On these trips I take Xanax so I don't hyperventalate in the car an the way there and back so my driver does not get uncomfortable with my behavior. It scares them when I get pale and start to stare into space trying to keep myself in control and from passing out. Dispite your blood pressure issue I think you did good. My pacic leaves me with simular blood pressures, and it takes 2 or 3 days before it levels back out. I have a pulmonary embolism now, which adds to my issues, and have to take coumadin, so I can't do the diet changes that they recommend. I have cut out the caffene and I found that helped a little, but I am having alot of trouble with the smoking. Just the thought of quitting puts me into a full sweat, and then I get short of breath. Good luck to you...hang in there and keep moving one foot in front of the other, and sooner or later we will get there.

Hi Wormlady, thanks so much for your reply. When I was 16, I went through a period of time where I couldn't leave my home. I couldn't even open the front door to get the mail even though the mailbox was attached to the house and I could reach it without even coming out of the doorway. I think at 16, I was way more resilient than I am now and it was easier for me to get back into the world. I hated it when I couldn't leave my house, it felt like I was isolated from life. It is great that you are taking steps to recover. It's wonderful that you mowed your lawn. I hope you gave yourself a great big pat on the back for that! If you're like me the reaction is scary and brings a lot of doubt, but we're both still here and we made it through. I think that I have decided to take it a little slower. I should have inched into social situations instead of throwing myself head-first into such a nervous situation. Interviews are hard for people without anxiety disorders. The program talks about taking it slow, one little step at a time. I'm so sorry to hear about how much turmoil you have in the car. I know how terrible it can be, and I too, feel bad about the limits I have that effect my family and friends, but neither of us is sitting idle and doing nothing. We are both trying to overcome, so maybe that counts for something. I have had many times when I have been in a car with similar reactions. I have felt as though I want to climb-the-walls. A couple years ago I couldn't drive down the road without having terrible breathing trouble, tight throat, racing heart rate, and severe panic. I had to pull over many, many times just trying to breath, afraid I might have a heart attack or pass out and wreck my car. I do better now. I can usually drive now with just a little anxiety, and a lot of prep work. I have learned somethings about myself and what helps me. I have to focus outward or my anxiety is terrible. The more I notice my surroundings and interact with those around me the better I do. When I first started taking steps to drive without all the torture, I would make sure I had someone with me that I felt supported by and that knew all about my anxiety. Then I moved on and was able to go as long as I had someone on the cell phone that I trusted and felt comfortable with. Then I moved on and could drive if I listen to the Attacking Anxiety program while I drove, and then I would use my cell phone when I started getting higher anxiety I always had the option to call someone (which I often still do). I am still not completely comfortable, but I drive quite a bit and make it through. It's not always easy, but I try to pay close attention to my surroundings and notice the beauty around me. I know that sounds "cheesy", but it actually does help me. Also, using the relaxation CD everyday has helped. It also really helps me to hear of people having similar troubles, because then I don't feel so alone and different from everyone else. I have terrible fears of social situations (mainly people), and I have always felt that I stand out in a crowd. And I also have terrible fears of being home alone, sounds confusing, I know. I'm so glad that you replied, and thank you for sharing some of your experiences with me. I am very thankful for your encouragement. Keep up the good work. Maybe next you could sit in a car. Now, I'm all about the baby steps. I learned something else about myself, I guess. Feel free to write me anytime.

Wendy