I keep scaring myself with the thought that I might kill myself. I always start to analyze the thought and I think I scare myself even more. I think, ok why do I think this thought maybe there is no real point to life, everday is the same old thing. How many more years will I have to wait in order to die, or what's the real reason we are here. I know I love to live and the thought of killing myself or dying really scares me, even if it would be a natural death, I am so afraid to die. That's another thought that comes in to my mind while analyzing, Why are we here if we have to die at the end anyway, what's the point, or we have to suffer the loss of our loved ones at one point or another. I don't want to think these things anymore. I want to never have these stupid thoughts anymore, I want to live in the moment like Carolyn says. I know I love to live, I love to be with my 6 month year old baby, to hold him and kiss him, I have fun at work, with my family and friends, I love to be with my husband. So why do I keep thinking this thought. I think it so much it makes me feel so different from others and sometimes I feel like I will have to live like this for the rest of my life and I don't want to. I want to just be able to live without questioning anything anymore. I know I might not make any sense at all, but if I do to someone outthere, I would appreciate your help.
Thank You,
Veronica

Dear Veronica,
I am so sorry for your pain as I feel it with and for you. Perhaps you still have a shifting of hormones or the Baby Blues. Nevertheless, you are undergoing severe stress. There are too many of your loved ones that would feel incredible pain if you would die. You? You would simply feel nothing. -- Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10. But why die now? So, "Go, eat your food with rejoicing and drink your wine with a good heart, because already the [true] God has found pleasure in your works." -- Eccl. 9:7.
If you or any of us die or take our lives how would we give pleasure to our God and our loved ones by our fine works?

Yes, this world is full of wickedness and corruption. And of course you have sincere stress and anxiety. But there are still good people and areas of the earth that still hold untampered natural beauty.
And so in spite of all the sun still shines into your window even after a rain or stormy night.

If you wish additional help or questions answered on death and hope you may E-mail me.

Take Care,
Victoria


------------------
Victoria

Hi Veronica,
I think that you are scaring yourself with your thoughts. If you find yourself thinking these debilitating thoughts, you will get really depressed. There is hope. I found myself having negative thoughts at times and after going through lesson three, I realized that nothing is ever that bad. People with anxiety seem to get negative thoughts in their heads and dwell on them. You can rid yourself of these thoughts by focusing on all of the good things in life. When you start thinking these things, just stop yourself and consciously eject the thoughts from your mind and replace them with nice thoughts. Keep doing this everytime you get a negative thought. I promise that it will make you feel 100% better.

Best Wishes,
Lili