I've written before how I've suffered from obsessive compulsive disorder, and phobias for the last five years. My latest phobia is contracting the hanta virus. Last night I was cleaning my husbands office in the elevator that he works at, and I accidentally mopped up a mouse turd. So I instantly started to panic, thinking what if i got the virus from mopping up that one mouse turd, and I also had to put the garbage in the dumpster, and it was very windy last night, so my mind kept thinking what if there was a mouse nest in the dumpster, and I disturbed it when I put the garbage in there, and what if the wind blew the dust and mouse turds into my face and I inhaled them. My heart was racing, my mind was racing, I could feel the anxiety coming on, I was so scared, that I was bawling by the time I got home. Sometimes I think I would be better off dead, then to have to constantly battle my what if thinking. It is exhausting. I know I sound so stupid, but I can't help it. I know the chances of me getting the hanta virus are so slim, but I can't help thinking what if. I had to take an ativan last night just so that I could calm down and get some sleep. It seems like my what if thinking is always better if I keep myself busy, but my husband is never home, so it is just me and my two kids, so that leaces me home alone with my thoughts, and they are overpowering me. I so wish that i could be normal like everyone else in the world. I know that God is trying to teach me something, what if thinking is so strong that it consumes my whole day. Maybe I need to have a doctor explain to me just how easy or not so easy it is to get the hanta, and then maybe I wouldn't be so deathly afraid. I've looked it up on the internet, but one site tells you this, and one site tells you that.

Rylana

The chances of you getting that are very slim. If you had the same odds in a lottery..I would suggest not even wasting your money.

I used to obsess about illnesses..and I still NEVER got them. What a waste of time.
I put it aside and live with the attitude that I am not ruining today worrying about what is EXTREMELY and HIGHLY UNLIKELY to even happen to me tomorrow or ever!

I know, easier said then done. It isn't that easy when yu are so caught up in it, I'm just saying it does take time, but practice some comforting self-talk and look at the reality of the situation. This behavior traps you into being so afraid to die..that you don't even live. I am more afraid of living like that than getting any disease in the world!

Hi,
I was wondering if you have the program. It has helped me alot with fears. I would encourage you to try it. Its worth the investment of money and the time you spend learning how to deal with all this stuff. Hugs, Reena

Maggie May
THankyou for your reply, I know that worrying about diseases is such a waste of time. I've talked alot on the forum today, and I'm feeling much better, I'm going to try taking one day at a time, and living it to the fullest, because I deserve life, and the life I live worrying, is not much of a life is it. I have to get better, for my husband, for my children and for myself. God has been trying to teach me to trust in him for years, and I think it's time I gave my life into his hands, because no amount of worrying is going to change things, it only ruins my day.

Reena,
THankyou very much for your reply, it makes me feel so much better knowing that there is other people out there that have experienced some of the feelings, and things that I have been through, then I don't feel like I am completely going crazy. I am not in the program, but I am thinking of doing it. It is an awful lot of money, but my life is worth it. Did it help you cope with your fears? So you still suffer from phobias/fears? I know the program works different for everyone, but it would be neat to know just what it has done for you. I'm really glad I've found this forum it makes me feel so much better having supportive people to talk to, everyones little comments have helped me more than you'll ever know.
Take care!
Rylana

This program has helped me in many more ways than just with fears. It really is a good program. It takes you week by week. I like that format because everything seemed so jumbled before. Like I was going in circles with Everything! THe cost of the program is more than just one dr. visit. But how many dr. visits have you had? I had many over the years and not one helped me. They kept looking for physical causes to all my physical symptoms. WEll, of course they never helped because my problem was anxiety. I would still be suffering if not for this program. How much $ was spent all those years on dr. visits, different meds, time, travel, worry? Lots more than the cost of the program. I say go for it. I borrowed my brothers to begin with and I like it so much I bought my own. THat way I didn't have to return it. I listen to my tapes regularly and its been over a year. I just think there is a lot to learn and Ihope I never stop learning. Hugs, Reena