I just took the assertiveness test and found out I am a wimp. How politically incorrect is that? Couldn't she have said, "Assertively Challenged"? Or "stunted assertive growth development"? Or a "severe aggressive phobia"? Well, I am kind of joking. I knew I was bad but was fooling myself into thinking I was a pacifist and just better than other people. Now I realize that it was creating most of my anxiety and that I was really just afraid of getting my *ss kicked. Anyone else out there have this problem? After I finished this lesson I thought this forum topic would be full but was surprised to find only a couple of messages.

Hi-Yes I had a problem speaking up with people cause I was being the people pleaser as I wanted them to like me. The joke was on me so now If it is something concering me I am out with it. I do not like everyone so why would I think everyone would like me. The first time It was anxiety plus but I did it and now it is so much easier like it just kinda flows out and I even surprise myself at times. Just be sure to use the I feel-One of my favourites is that is your choice!!!! Take Care Timber

Hi I know exactly how you feel. I am really bad about not speaking up and telling people that they are offending me. For example, right now I am letting someone live with me and either she is taking my socks mistakenly or she is stealing them. I also found some other items. They are such cheap items that i think she may be taking them accidentally or either she thinks i won't care because they are cheap. She has always gotten everything she wants. Even though she is at fault i have almost ruined my day anxietizing about confronting her. I have the hardest time being assertive. You are not alone. I feel like I have progressed some. I think this is going to be my hardest lesson.

My biggest problem is I let people intimidate me. Both my parents are the same way and have rationalized it as being the right thing to do. I don't accept that and see it is just causing me a ton of problems. I need to do what I want and not let people intimidate me.

Don't feel bad idolize. I scored an 88! I didn't think I was THAT bad. I too thought I was a pacifist, the understanding peacemaker who understands everyones pain....ha! I was too scare to go against anyone.

Well my time to shine is coming up. I've been overworked at my job for the past year with dept changes etc. and now my review is coming up. My plan is to be assertive not aggressive and GET PAID!!!! I started to back down from this idea but I keep telling myself, the worst they can say is NO. Then I make my next move from there.

Well, I have to go. I have class (another anxiety producing situation), so I'm off to listen to my relaxtion tape!!!

too-da-loo

Idolize, I'm going to say the same thing as everyone else has; you are not alone. I've always known that I needed to be more assertive with people and not let them push me around. Finally, I just decided that I was going to fake being assertive and confident by acting like it, and low and behold, it felt great! I could see people respecting me more. I even found that the louder I talked the more confident I felt about what I was conveying (cause I always usually speak so softly)

It works if you practice it over and over, even if you don't feel confident about being assertive. Now, because I have forced myself to be more assertive, I honestly feel better about myself.

I have yet to take "the test" so maybe I'll still flunk But keep at it and it should come more naturally after awhile.

Wings