I have a friend that I have heard complain to me about her life for the last 4 years. I've had enough and CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I need some suggestions on how to get her to quit using me as her sounding board. I have offered to let her use my tapes but she won't. I've offered even the relaxation tape and she won't do that either. Just not her thing. Actually getting well isn't her thing. I've offered every advice that I can think of for different situations but she doesn't take it. She's been through 2 marriages and already has low self-esteem and I don't say anything because I don't want to hurt her. I think I'm her only close friend but if I don't say something to her, I keep hurting myself. Any suggestions for a nice way to say, "I'm not interested anymore". doodles

Well, it sounds like your friend can really use the program, but you can't make her use it, she's got to want to listen to it. Your right for feeling like you don't want to be a sounding board. I think it's important to have someone to lean on and share your burdens with, but there comes a time when that person has to stand up for themself. I like grateful's suggestion, slowly distance yourself or hint that you don't want to hear about how bad she has it all the time. You don't have to come off abrupt, just kinda ease your way into the direction that you want to go.

Doodles,
Tough one. I had a friend who used to call me all the time and her life was one big soap opera. She used to stress me out and never let me get a word in. THis was years ago so I didn't have too many good assertive abilities then. Anyways, she must've felt some negative vibes from me because I told myself the next time she calls I am going to tell her I can't speak with her anymore. Boy was I sweating everytime that phone rang. I think I jumped for a month. You know, she never ever called me again. To this day I don't know why she never called me again. Weird but hey, I was happy!!! Sorry this probably isn't helping you any.

I would suggest telling your friend that you are trying to get over anxiety and depression and you just can't bear talking with her anymore because she doesn't seem to want to get out of her depression. Tell her it is very hard for you to sit and listen to all the negativity and unless she wants to work to get out of her problem then she'll have to find someone else to unload on. But remind her that if she ever needs help you are there to lend the tapes or books or whatever she needs to get started on recovery. I know, a lot easier said than done. But, maybe this kind of a confrontation might wake her up. She might see that you are serious and she needs to face things. Maybe she won't agree right then but later on when she's ready she'll probably think of you first! Let her know she is a good person too. Hope I helped some. Reena

Thanks for the wonderful suggestions. I know I just need to start defending myself because she continues to bring me down. I get so mad because I know that I'm letting her. I think the next time she calls I will have the courage to say something. I'll let you know how it goes. doodles