I am having a hard time being heard and not "winning". I guess I always just think the two go together. How can I just talk and lower my expectations, so that I don't care if I "win" or not?

I know this sounds trite, but you just have to start thinking differently. If you think you are not heard, you will manage to not be heard. You are the one who is in control here. Which session are you on? If you can work this program week by week, and do the homework, all of it, you will have the answers to those questions. There really isn't a one word or one sentence or one page directive to hand you the answers. You have to unravel them yourself, but the route to get there is available right here.