I have gone through Lesson 7 and have been able to be more assertive with little things. My problem is with people I know. Anyways, I have a particular situation that I'm stumped on. My roommate and I get along pretty well for the most part. There are things that bug me, but I haven't spoken up about most of them. I don't want to be a difficult person to live with and I know I'm not the perfect roommate. I get into trouble (with making myself miserable) because I allow things to slip until I get mad. I still don't say anything to her because I figure at this point it's my own fault that I'm angry because I wasn't assertive in the first place.

The situation I am asking about is this: there have been many times when I have come home and there is food left out on the stove uncovered and crumbs everywhere. This may not seem like a big deal, but we have recently had a problem with bugs in our kitchen (yuck) and she seems truely stumped as to where they're coming from. She does clean alot, but only about once a week. In the mean time, food is left out, counters are dirty, etc. I have several times wanted to point out that leaving food out uncovered for hours at a time is what the problem is (I spoke to my mom about this while she was visiting this week...she was pretty grossed out when we came home and found meatballs in a frying pan on the stove...and my roommate was long gone). I guess the problem is that things have been a little strained between us lately and I don't know how to say tell her about the food without making it sound like I'm telling her she's "dirty". And I kind of feel hypocritical, because there's some areas in which I fall short as well as a roommate. I guess this situation is a little silly, but it's really beginning to annoy me!!! Any advice will be appreciated!

PS - I've thought about suggesting a list of "Home Rules" so that we can officially acknowledge our housekeeping expectations, but that almost seems kind of petty since we've been living together for six months!

Hi California22,

I know it's difficult to be assertive with people sometimes. In your situation, I think it's important that you confront her about the problem. Your roommate needs to understand why it's a problem for leaving food out and not cleaning up after she's done cooking. It might be a good idea that you both sit down and talk about both of your expectations of each other as roommates. Hope this helps.