I've been in this program now for 7 weeks, i lived with this disorder for 22 years. Is there anything that someone can tell me,how to stay possitive and still manage getting things done ever day. I have everything i want as far as kids, wonderful husband,a house. Why can't i get out of this state? help anybody have something to say to me?

I can tell you if you've spent years being this way it is going to take longer than a few weeks to turn it aroung. Hang in there, keep practicing, and eventually it will begin to get better for you. It really will. Trust me.

Reena

Reena is right, angel. I've had the program for over two years, and the most improvement thus far came in the summer of 2002. I see this program like an alcoholic sees alcoholics anonymous. We've got to work it continually, indefinitely until we are healed.

Dear Angel,

Everyone is giving you good advice...it's hard to change though...so give yourself lots of credit for first being willing and then for doing what you need to do to get there.

The number one thing that helped me was to tell the truth at all times. It was a lie when I said "oh no this time it's going to kill me" It was a LIE when I said, "I can't stand this" I was standing it! Instead I learned to say, "This is terribly difficult and I'd rather NOT do this, endure this...but I am strong. Look at what I have gone through in the past. I am strong and I am a great problem solver!"

I couldn't say all of that for EVERyone of my negative thoughts - I wouldn't get anything done! But what if I took 4 ugly thoughts and wrote them down and turned them around with 5 sentences? What if I had a comforting "mantra" that I used each time I became aware of negative feelings? "I am a good and worthy person. There is no danger and there is no emergency." Breathe!

It won't happen overnight but it won't take as long to change as it took to get this way. The journey is fun-yes, fun, once you stop grabbing at recovery andjust do the work and LET IT Happen.

I believe in you (all of you), Carolyn

As long as you have positive self talk with yourself no mater what happens in your life, there is no such thing as failure. Don't compare yourself to anyone because that also sets you back. What really helps me get on with my days is not dwelling or feeling guilty about the past. I try to focus my attention on the 'precious present moment' and tell my self that no matter what happens in my life I will appreciate and learn from every experience. At first this may seem very draining telling yourself this day in and day out, but once you make a habit of it you will really start to see things in a different light. TRUST ME!
Hang in there and good luck to you!

Angelkeys

angelofhope,
Hello! Like Carolyn says, you should be proud of yourself for taking steps toward recovery. Way to go!!

Recovery does take some time. You are unlearning old habits that took years to develop. You are also learning new skills/good habits that will take a little while to come naturally.

For me, (kinda like Carolyn says about telling the truth) I somehow learned to switch my negative "irrational" thinking to "rational" thinking. Now, whenever I feel a negative thought, I "put up the stop sign" and then step back and look at the thoughts from a rational perspective (truthful).

It takes time and for me, it took a total commitment. I fully committed myself to it, doing everything Lucinda, Carolyn, and the MWC gang recommended. And it worked!! But, it did take some time. In fact, I'm on my second go-round with the program and getting more out of it each day. I understand that its a huge time-committment, but I decided I was worth it. You are worth the effort too. (BTW--If you feel you aren't getting everything done, you might check out a great website recommended by Carolyn -- thanks Carolyn -- "flylady.com" and/or negotiate some extra help around the house out of your kids and husband.)

One final thing... It seems like you are placing some heavy expectations on yourself. I do this still occasionally too. When I do, I head back to lesson #4 and brush up on my expectation skills. Go a little easy on yourself. You are your best friend. Support yourself as you would a best friend.

Like everyone here, I am proud of you for getting the AA&D program and working through it. You ARE on your way.

Wishing you the very best.
Zair

Hi positive self talk just takes time and be sure to give yourself credit for how far you have come. The fact that you recognize the negative self talk is a big step. Something that helped me was when Lucinda said in the program what would I say to a good friend so when I recognize myself being neg I use this approach and it works for me.When I started the program I thought Ok 15 weeks and I will be better, well yes I was better, except it takes time and practice to implement and I feel just to know what it is you are doing wrong is such a big step as before the program I did not know what I was doing wrong and when you understand that then you can fix it. Good Luck Timber