Hi, everyone
This is my first time writing a message..
A brief introduce about myself..
{I am a senior at college and studying in chemistry field..
I have had anxiety and panic attack since around 10th grade..
I moved to the United States about 5 years ago..}
I stop taking medications since last summer and it has been successful..
Sometimes it's very hard because I am still very nervous and anxious but it's getting better..
Today in biology lab I felt moderately insulted by a girl in my group because she kept telling me how and what I am supposed to do..
Since it was a group project we needed to work on together but I wanted to do it my way on my part..
However,I couldn't express my opinion because I wasn't confident enough and was afraid of my body symptoms and kind of followed what she told me to do..
I was woking with a microscope and it was really uncomfortable but I told myself I can do this..
Being next to someone who was really assertive and feeling very angry with her, I had a severe head shaking while she watched me working with the microscope..
She saw it and laughed at me..
She thought that I was scared of bugs that I was observing because she said so but certainly it wasn't bugs but her and my body symptoms..
It was an embarassing and frightening moment..
I am very scared of being assertive because even though I want to be assertive and confront with someone, I have this overwhelming fear that I will lose control and make fool of myself..
Therefore, I have avoided this but I really want to work on this..
I think it will extremely help me overcoming this condition..
Any suggestion?

Thanks..

I think we feel worse when we don't say something than when we do. There are times it is easier to just let it go. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes we need to just be calm and assertive, but it isnt the easy. I dont have much good advice except that its ok to speak up for yourself. You dont have to explain to anyone a reason for your 'no' or your 'yes'. You have every right to not be put down or laughed at. Usually the other person feels so low to begin with is why they feel the need to control others or put them down. THey may seem like they have all the confidence in the world but in reality they dont. Its a front. All I can say is practice. Its gets easier the more you do it.
Reena

SC,

I developed anxiety when I was in Grad school for physical therapy. I'm 27 now. I was a biological sciences major probably not as hard as chemistry though. They are very tough majors, because unlike other majors we take about 11 hours of class and lab just to get 5 credits. Just take one day at a time. Some of your anxiety could be from just finding what you want to do in life and getting started in a profession, and finding out what you are meant to do. In dissection lab i remember starting to sweat because I was staring at the specimen for so long and it was stressful not being able to figure everything out and your under time constraints. I'd go get a paper towel and wipe my brow then jump right in. Just breathe deeply and do relaxation techniques before the lab or between class. You can tense and relax your muscles just sitting in class. Noone needs to know and you'll take some of the edge off. Just try and be a team player and encourage others and believe that you can do it in the labs. Feeling a sense of belonging to your partners can help you. Consider the source when criticized. Some people are type A personalities and only look out for themselves. Others are not that way and wouldn't even notice things like that. I never notice if someone is shaking. I shook in dissection lab occasionally but I was good and knew my stuff. I waqsn't going to be a surgeon. People that go around looking for others flaws are not happy with themselves. Keep your head up and keep working hard there is reward for your work.

Nick

That stinks, I'm sorry you had to deal with that mean person. I hear you about the difficulty we encounter with assertiveness. I have had that problem for so many years I didn't even realize it until recently. I am getting better slowly. One thing I have learned to do when people are sort of bullying me like in your situation, is ask questions of that person. It brings the focus back to them and off of me.

For example, my boss used to really bug me and babysit me all the time. We would be in a meeting and she would say something like, "Let's see if Leslie can get this done in a timely manner." (She liked to be condesending to me back then.) I would then say, "Are you having concerns about my ability to perform this task? Do you feel like we should meet PRIVATELY to discuss your issues?" See? That takes the focus off of you and puts it on other people, while still defending yourself in a round-about way.

Hope that helps, it sure helped me alot.

Good luck,
Leslie

Dear SC, I also have a problem with asserting myself and most of the time I don't. I just know that everytime I do it in a well thought out and pre-planned manner I feel great. Its harder to do it on the spot and be in control but if you can first predict when these situations occur (because they usually repeat when you are not assertive) then you feel better and eventually it easier to do it spontaneously.

Thank you very much, Reena, Nick, Leslie and Rich..
I really appreciate your help!
Quotes, skills and your stories..
They all encourage me!
Recently I am having a tough time so I came in here to be cheered up and there you were..
My overall grades are not good for this quarter and I dropped a chemistry lab course..
The grade for the particular course was terrible though I spent so much time on it..
My speed in the lab was so slow due to my nervousness and fear of making mistakes that I couldn't mostly finish on time..
I feel very weak and stupid..
Why can't I do like everyone else?
I know I shouldn't compare myself with anyone else and I try not to but I do it unconcously to some degree..
I am thinking to change my major to either neurobiology or psychology..
I feel that chemistry isn't what I really want to study..
I will keep searching for what I really like..
I felt little bit selfish when I read your messages cuz it seems like I only focus on my problem, not caring for others..
I think I need to see matters with bigger mind and help others who need help..
Hope you guys are doing well in your life..
Thank you all..