lesson 7 is taking awhile to sink in.... i though myself to be a very agreeable, non confrontational person (libra!). but i'm starting to realize something VERY scarey. i'm a DOORMAT. in the past, i focused so much on how i was feeling (anxiety) when something confrontational happens, i never thought about how i felt about they way someone was talking to me or what they were saying or doing!!!! or most of all how to defend myself or voice my thoughts when i was feeling badly about the sitaution. even in my closest friendships, i've noticed this.

i feel like i'm waking from a deep sleep. i feel like suddenly, my contact with people has more meaning and depth because i'm more aware of what is happening during the interaction. i've numbed myself in the past so much and for so long that i couldn't even assess what was going on in front of my own face let alone form an intimate bond or make new friends.

WOW.

Hi Melissab

Before I started the program I was also non-confrontational. I never wanted anything bad to happen like arguments with the store people or people fighting for the last item. Arguing just made me more anxious so I tried avoiding it as much as possible. My mom would always make a scene and I would get so embarassed that I tried to calm her down because I didn't want to get in the middle. I always tried to play the peacemaker you know, but with the program you learn how to stand up for yourself, stop being pushed around. There's a certain point in everone's life where they get fed up with something and they just make it better by like saying " No, I'm not gonna do that", " It's not my problem", " Oh well". I'm a libra also, everyone used to step all over me because I didn't know how to defend myself. If I said no to someone for any reason I would feel so guilty and feel so bad. All this has stopped though. With the program, it can stop for you also. Don't be afraid to defend yourself. Don't let no one treat you like a "doormat". It's gonna take time but you can do it!!!!! I know you can.
Hope this helps.

MelissaB and Tweety-

I had the same experience (discovering the ways I was being a doormat.)

I'm happy to say that since doing lesson 7, I've become clear about what I want and where my rights begin and end. I don't let people take advantage of me anymore AND best of all, my relationships with everyone have IMPROVED.

My mom in particular was a problem and I long feared telling her my truth and asserting my needs. Finally, I began to see that if I didn't change, the situation wasn't going to change because it didn't bother her. We get along well for the first time in my life because I no longer allow her to treat me poorly.

I am much more satisfied with my family since becoming more assertive and they have more respect for me. Our connection is stronger, more peaceful and intimate than it was when I was being "diplomatic."

Hi kids . . .
I wanted to chime in and offer up some encouragement. Before I started the program I had gone from being relatively assertive to totally compliant and non-confrontational. I realized I did not know who I was, I had no back-bone and no respect for myself. So I made some changes within my comfort zone. i started standing up for myself, but there were some areas of my life that I just left alone because I was so terrified about the confrontations about the subject matter. POLITICS! Do you know that I actually had some passionate feelings towards political issues, but I couldn't handle hostile feelings towards me from the people I loved. I constantly questioned myself and my opinions until I couldn't take it anymore and I actually decided to stay un-informed about the issues. Well, that's one of my projects with Lesson 7 is to revive my brain in the way of politics and talk about it, also to be more assertive with those that, for some reason, I want to make happy. In the past I haven't been assertive with some people purely out of fear because they flip out. I have had that all my life and right now I am working with someone who is that way to the extreme. I try to keep her happy so I don't have to deal with her irratic behavior when she's mad. Well, that's all over now and irronically not because of my direct assertiveness, but because I accidentally pissed her off and now all I can do is say oops I'm sorry and it won't be enough and then I'll be on her shit list forever. If she accepts my appology and still wants me as her buddy than all I have to look forwaard to is her constant complaining, indirect insults and her constant teasing me and our other co-workers. So, I only have to be assertive if things go well after I appologize. We'll see. Take it easy.
-Reagan