HI.
My sister moved here from Washingtion a couple of years ago with her family. I thought that it would be wonderful having her here since I haven't had any of my siblings around while I was growing up because there was too big of an age spread.
Anyway it has been so bad for me since she moved here...nothing like I thought it was going to be and now I really don't care if I ever talk to her again and I don't know what to do about it.
We got in this big fight a year ago....she was telling me how bad my mother is and I was defending Mom, well that made her mad and she started screaming at me to get out of her house...whoa was she mad!! Well I left and we didn't talk for 5 months...then my mom wanted us to make up so that she could feel better...I called my sister and she told me that she tried to kill herself because of me and that I was the one at fault...etc. etc. I didn't say anything to her then but I talked to my counselor about her and he said that she was telling me that as a form of manipulation....well....I didn't completely understand what he meant until a few months ago...I realized that I can't and don't say anything to her that would upset her and it is because I'am afraid that she will hurt herself!! HUGE revelation here!!!!!I realized that I have not had an honest relationship with her since that point in time...that I have pussyfooted around her while she walks all over me and I can't let her do it anymore!!! this is where the assertiveness comes in
Yesterday she called me at 8:30 in the morning and said "Jodi, they are talking about you on TV" I asked her what they were talking about me for?? she replied "the Today show has on a story about women with ADD and I think you have it....they are describing you to a T!!!" Once again I was hurt and humiliated and didn't say anything...but I have been so darn angry and frustrated since she called and I can feel all the terrible feelings again that I thought I had gotten rid of....guilt, shame, anger, sadness, fear...they are just overwhelming me! I need to talk to her and tell her that she has no right to call me and tell me what is wrong with me, I dont' do that to her. Its funny, I have been talking to her in my head alot....telling her off and stuff...you guys ever do that??
If you have any ideas on how I can handle this I would sure appreciate it I refuse to live like a doormat to her anymore but I don't know how to tell her in a way that is tactful.
Thankyou for listening
Jodi

I feel sorry for your sister, it sounds like she has her own issues that she needs to resolve. I know its hard to say what you need to say to her since she does the guilt trip thing.But maybe one topic at a time then when she gets in HER mode, quickly change the subject. Your the lucky one the bigger person this type of stress doesn't help people like us, you can't ignore her because thats a sign of not letting go. I recently had to let go of an issue with my mother, for all my life I believed my dad was my dad, but when i got married and went to change my last name, on my social security records showed another mans name someone I had no clue, of it drove me mad.And my mother just BLOW ME OFF.to make long story Short My dad as I known is deceased, I still have not got an answer from my mom. I have to let go, and that means make talk with my mother, we cant hand pick our blood relatives. but we can choose not to let it affect us. i hope this helps nothing is easy but it does get easier to deal with them.

Jodi

You just have to stick up for yourself. You do not want to be a doormat so don't be one. And you have to remember that whatever your sister does to herself is because of HER, not you. You have no control of someone else's actions or words but you DO have control of what their actions or words to do you. Believe me, the anxiety of being asertive with her will be no were near the anxiety and pain you feel when she hurts you. Stop the cycle.

Take care-Silvana

P.S. Is your sister on any medication? sounds like she suffers with depression.