I'm just wondering if anyone feels anxious after being assertive. I always feel uptight after being assertive, worrying about what negative thing the person I am being assertive with must think of me.
So my problem is not being assertive, but feeling confident when being assertive and not dwelling on it.

Yep -- been there, done that! Its that "people-pleaser" part of us rearing its ugly head again. Keep practicing rise and shyne. Each time you realize that your thoughts, opinions, actions are just as valid as those of anyone else, you will become a little stronger. Each time you take "ownership" of those thoughts, opinions, and actions, you will become stronger. Its like everything else in the Attacking Anxiety program -- you just have to practice, practice, practice! It has been tough for me because I think I was the Queen of People Pleasing but its getting easier and easier with each passing day. I'm fortunate, too, in that I have a job that provides me with wonderful practice opportunities. Be strong rise and shyne -- you can do this!

Thanks for your response Mountain Girl. It's nice to pinpoint the reason why. I really am such a people pleaser. I will keep at it and hopefully feel more comfortable with it in time. I just need to know that I am important too and need to please myself as well as others.

Have a Great Day!

Hi there!

Oh yes, can definately relate to this one!
And some people in my life are always surprised when i let them know this, because they see me as 'Assertive'. What they don't see is how i'm so concerned afterwards...about how the recipient of my assertion will feel. ESPECIALLY with certain people.

And i can easily see how it's always been this way for me. Within my family environment growing up, i didn't just 'sit there saying nothing' when i was confronted, yelled at or strapped. Nope! I wasn't docile. I was rebellious and i always voiced how i felt. HOWEVER, i was left CARING TOO MUCH how my mother or father was effected....do they hate me? Is she hurt? Is he angry? On and on. So that...even though i asserted myself, i couldn't let it go at that! I couldn't ACCEPT AND APPROVE OF my own assertions! And that's a very 'stuck' place to be, because it's hard to move forward from there, as you're still in a co-dependent relationship, still tied at the umbilical chord, so to speak. So, i would often find myself 'trying to make things nice again', after asserting myself. This happens when we don't have parents who ENCOURAGE independent thinking and action. When they let us know (in whatever way) that they need us to be a certain way, in order for THEM to feel alright.....things get so twisted.
Anyway, this is how I became 'all screwed up inside' around the area of assertion and feeling confident. Make sense?

Bye for now,
We just need to keep working at it all, ONE DAY AT A TIME!
Love,
Lindi

The easiest thing for me to say is DITTO to all of you. This and Neg self talk are my two biggest problems!!! I dont freak out I just avoid them. I am trying not to but hey..its a long road. Rise...you are not alone here! We all can relate!

Remember - you are not alone sweetie

Ali

Hey! I can definitely relate to this one. I know I'm a people pleaser still, especially with my mom. I need some good suggestions and help with this one; it's a BIGGY for me.

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Lynn
God is in control.
Footprints quote-"When you only see one pair of footprints in the sand, it was then that I carried you."
Remember you'll never walk alone.