Just as the program warns, I think I may have become overly-assertive ? I love the security I now have, knowing I can speak my mind to people without fear. I love my confidence, and people have a lot of respect for me. People don't mess with me. BUT ... on occasion when someone DOES cross me the wrong way, I ALWAYS feel the need to speak my mind now. If I DON'T, I get REALLY angry inside I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to feel threatened by my anger to speak my mind. In other words, if there arises a situation that I feel would be better off if I DIDN'T speak my mind, I want to feel at peace inside about that decision. Not angry. Does anyone understand ?

I do understand. I am having trouble with this area myself. I am starting to realize it may be the tone of my voice when I am trying to be assertive. If your voice sounds angry or attitudish (is that a word). I think then people take what we say differently. Any one have ideas on how to work on this important piece?

Arlene

Hi,

I can share something on this: "if there arises a situation that I feel would be better off if I DIDN'T speak my mind, I want to feel at peace inside about that decision. Not angry."

With practice, I'm finally picking my battles more carefully. For example, my fiance's mother often says things that are thoughtless and rude. I began to speak to every issue that offended me which made me feel better, but my forcefulness made her even more aggressive as she felt attacked. As I've worked the program, I find that as I take more responsibility and control for my thoughts, I take other's behaviors or beliefs less personally. Yesterday, I realized that I was quiet and listening to her with noticeably more calm and heard behind her rants her fear of being hurt. I save my assertive verbal exchanges for telemarketers, a great way to practice, and people truly out to screw me. So far I haven't found any. But, ever a work in progress, my fiance actually called me surly the other day. For more than a couple seconds I was hurt, and then realized that the shoe fit. But, we're both confident (he actually paid for the program) that, to continue the analogy, learning a new behavior is like breaking in a new pair of shoes. Or better yet, trying on several pairs before you find the fit that doesn't leave you with blisters and gets you where I want to go. I have to walk this way, talk this new way, for awhile before it's comfortable for us all.

Velvet

Velvet,

Thank you for the great comments. I will give them a try.

Arlene