I put up a very long post on the General Comments/Inquiries Concerning ATTACKING ANXIETY & DEPRESSION forum.

I needed to say some stuff concerning the impact this problem has on me. I also was wondering how this problem effects others; so on put it out to everyone.

I can be very assertive with stranger sometimes!

EXAMPLE: Like asking a cashier at a store for a discount on a damaged item.

OR making my way to a sell item at an estate sale.

BUT------------ When it comes to my personal life and people I'm close to I stumble.

I have a need to know why? Or does it really matter I think it might?

Now I'm looking for any tips out there on becoming more assertive especially with your children?
It seems to me at least in my life and maybe others too, that I have a lot of fear and worry.
I see a common core with this fear etc. and lack of assertiveness.
Again all these feelings seem to link into my anxiety and depression.

�It seems to me at least in my life and maybe others too, have a lot of fear and worry.
I see a common cord with this fear etc. and lack of assertiveness.
Again all these feelings seem to link into my anxiety and depression.�

�I could use more assertiveness in all aspects of my life. I know it would help solve issues with others and maybe even more with my-self. I need to assert some strong well in my own life!�

The best to all

Frosty..
I am the same way...I can be assertive to a complete stranger..but put my husband, father, friends in the mix and forget it. UNLESS it is on the phone...maybe because I don't have to look at them...it is hard...I wish I had some advise, but I am working on this too. Good luck!!!

Kacey88,

thanks for the support. It's just nice when you know your not alone with things.

Like you said good luck to all of us.

We have some great tools to help us.
The web site and the program.

The life skills are good strength builders to help us cope and improve.

Well it's very late and I need to make my self rest.

Take care

Hi

Maybe you're more assertive to strangers because they don't really know you, and therefore can't judge you. I think when it comes to family, a lot of people fear saying what's on their mind because there might be repurcusions. Let's face it, we are always around our family, and therefore there are more chances for both positive and negative interactions. I think that being assertive involves being comfortable with yourself and not being afraid of what others think, especially the family.

Hey Frosty,
I agree with Tricia because I have the same problem as you do and I think she is right. I think it is easier to be assertive with a stranger, especially because you may never see them again or worry about what they think of you. When it comes to family, close friends or a husband, you worry about the repercussions that my be involved. I worry sometimes with my family or friends that if I speak my mind that I will lose the friendship or my family won't speak to me for awhile. I wish I could be stronger with those people. Finally last week, I was assertive to my boss in my department about how I felt she had been treating me. I was extremely nervous about it afterward, I was shaking and breathing very heavily. Although, it was worthwhile, because ever since she has been treating me much better, so it must have worked. Believe in yourself. You will accomplish so much more if you stick up for yourself and don't worry about what people think as much. You will definitely see changes. I am working on this everyday and I am getting much better at it, I think you will too. Just know you are a good person and your opinion matters.Also remember, you deserve to be treated well, so speak up and you will be very effective! Good luck!

Thanks everyone
tricia,lmulk

I do wish I could get a stronger hold on this.
I also think it will happen. Now would be great LOL

Today would have been a good day to be more assertive.

It is true I do worry about my family's reactions.
My son most of all I want to do it all for him.

I just can't make him happy all the time. I have not giving up on him yet!!

I will pray for all of us.

Take care

Frosty: I recently had counseling regarding anxiety and assertive behavior. The counselor is a doctor in clinical psychology at Northern ill Univrsity. He said everyone has there own anxiety that pertains specifically to them. The Doctor admitted he gets nervous when they go around the room during his meetings to introduce the other teachers. He gts really nervous and anticipates his turn. But he doesnt get nervous when teaching a full class of 40 people dont figure. He said the bottom line is it doesnt matter what anybody else thinks of you. Your body is trained to tell you something is wrong. People whether they can tell your anxious or not. Like or dislike you they dont give a DAM about you or me etc. You must let it all out being assertive but not angry assertive. Be yourself because it doesnt matter what other people think. Keep telling yourself I dont care how I am perceived. It is starting to work for me. Chow !!

universal:

Thanks for the info.

I had a important talk with my son tonight. I belive know matter how I put my message out I think I would have gotten the same neg. feed-back from him.

Like you said " You must let it all out being assertive but not angry assertive. Be yourself because it doesnt matter what other people think."

Well I do care what my sons thinks,but I need to say it and he he doesn't want to hear it too bad it's my right!

I guess i'm just upset at the moment with my son.

He can't see we have rules and he needs to conform some what {something teenagers do not like}

Well my hands are soooo full with this kid. I just want to do right by him.


Being assertive around or to my family I guess is the area where I have the most work to do as far as assertiveness.

Take care

I am having a hard time being assertive at work especially to my boss. I mean just talking to her I have a hard time. She intimidates me and I've been trying really hard to not feel that. I feel like I've always been misunderstood by her. This is my second year at this workplace and I always feel like I have to prove myself to her. I know I don't need to do that because I know that I have made huge progress since last year. But I always feel like I'm not good enough to be there. So coming to work has been hard for me. I get very anxious everytime I see her and I would stumble over my words and have a difficult time articulating my point most of the time to her. As a result, she would misunderstand me or judge me incorrectly. We had some conflicts last year and I still feel that she is still holding onto those impressions that she had of me. Just yesterday, I was misunderstood by her and I felt I was slapped in the face by her in front of the workers. It was hard to take. I never seem to get any sincere compliments from her. What should I do with this? I need to move on with my life and learn to not focus on trying to get approval from her. It's been killing me.

foodie:

Hang on to your positive thoughts "I know I don't need to do that because I know that I have made huge progress since last year."

At this time in my life my assertive behavior is weakest when it comes to my son.

However I have had hard times at work also.

Some times we think to much about what other people think about us.

That's there problem. Maybe they dont even think about us maybe they are the way they are because of something that has nothing to do with us?

Talk to some one you can trust about this!!!

I think some where in the program it says not to make major changes in your life untill you are done with the program and you have a better grasp on the life skills.

As the program says
"become less effected and more effective"

Hang in there and take care

Foodie ! I have a 61 year old stick in the mud BOSS! I have been employed with this company for 5 years now. I have tried several times to get to now him, laugh tell a joke, how was your weekend etc. I finally realized he isant worht it nor is your BOSS! Just do the best you can at your job who cares what she thinks of you. Remenber nothings forever she will be out of your life some day soon.

GOOD LUCK !