Hi everyone,
I suppose i'm posting this in order to vent. I've been kept awake since 4:00 a.m. because of the couple below me, who just keep on forgetting about CONSIDERATION!!!! I am feeling so enraged right now.
I have had alot more practice than i would like, keeping my angry feelings in check (i often fail!) because of where i live. I moved into this flat (top floor of a house)over four years ago, after searching for months for a new apartment. Rents are unbelievably high in Toronto, so i kept on looking until the last minute....for a place i could afford. (i'm explaining WHY i ended up living here!) I had to grab this place one week before people would be moving into my old apt. so it wasn't the best choice, but there really wasn't anywhere else. Not a good choice because this is in the middle of a bloody circus! (I may have enjoyed living in this area of the city when i was 18 yrs.old) Downtown Toronto, right next to a main street which is filled with cafes, restaurants,etc... and LOTS AND LOTS OF NOISY STUDENTS!!!! So that they are pouring out of the pubs at 3:00 a.m. drunk and swearing and incredibly loud! I found a way to solve that problem for myself, in terms of being able to sleep. Otherwise, i could never have remained here. Between the earplugs (which are utterly insufficient by themselves) and a fan and this thing called a White Noise Machine...i can sleep! Bravo! (the white noise machine is a life-saver)
And now this couple moves in downstairs, about six months ago. Sweet people, in their 30's. During the first few months, i repeatedly (and politely) asked them to STOP BANGING THEIR DOOR! This has kinda sunk into their heads...to a degree. When i'm doing a relaxation tape, and that door smashes....i jump a mile! They just don't have this built-in awareness that tells them "someone lives upstairs, be considerate."
Now, what kept me awake since 4:00 a.m. this morning was the overwhelming stench of marijuana, which saturated my bedroom. It is like having a skunk right there beside you in your bedroom. Somehow, that stuff comes right through these walls and it wakes me out of a deep sleep. And then, it KEEPS ME AWAKE FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT!!!! It is virtually impossible to fall back asleep with this smell in my bedroom. So, while these guys have 'knocked themselves out', i am left wide awake and enraged! I try everything ~ hiding under the blankets, stuffing the blankets into my face....nothing works.
So, last month i wrote them a long letter...very polite, explaining what happens, asking them to smoke the stuff on their balcony or at least blow it out the window. And then, last night, it happens all over again.
Do i feel like being CALMLY ASSERTIVE today? No, of course not!!!! I feel like being the all-time bi*^h! I'd like to shake these people, wake them up, somehow get it into their heads....this thing called CONSIDERATION. But, of course, i will come off like the lunatic of the century and feel badly about this afterwards. So, i am waiting a bit, until i feel i can talk to them with some level of calm. But i really do need to do this today, as i refuse to go through another night of this.
This really isn't a subject i would usually think to post on this forum. It's something i work out on my own, but thought that 'venting' might help. And, of course, any clues on how YOU would stay calmly assertive...would be appreciated.
This anger of mine gets triggered soooo easily, and i honestly don't think i'll be able to be 'pleasant' as i was last month with these people. So, i will have to deal with 'not being liked'.
Okay, didn't know this rant would take up so much space. Any feedback?
Have a good day everyone!
Lindaloo


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Linda

I am sorry that you are going through this. I must applaud you for taking action and at least making it known to your rude neighbors that they need to be aware of their actions. I used to live in a middle floor apartment. I swore that I had elephants living upstairs and heavy metal band members living below me. I would also complain, but nothing changed. What I did that worked for me was I introduced myself and got to know my neighbors downstairs. Once they got to know me by face, I found that they became more considerate of me and turned down their music at a decent hour and we actually became friends. I think that it was harder for them to be inconsiderate to a person that they knew. I too would never be able to handle the smell of pot smoke all night. I would suggest talking to them in person about this. If this fails, then I would talk to your landlord about it.

Well, I lived in a top floor apartment twice in my life. And I will never do that again. One time I was in the same situation as you are now. I struggled with all the things you mentioned including the marijuana coming up into my apartment.
Is there anyway you can move and just use this as a learning experience never to take an upstairs apartment again?
You've obviously tried to explain the situation to these people and they are just not able or willing to be considerate.
Even if you went to the landlord I don't think it will solve the problem unless the landlord evicted them, but then you don't know who you'd have to deal with then.
For your own health and peace of mind, and I know it would take a lot on your part, I believe it would be best to look for another place or find a ground floor apartment in the building your in.
Perhaps others might have a better suggestion.
I pray things will work out for you and that you find a way to resolve this issue. And I want to say I think you're handling this great. This really is a very difficult situation. I know, I've been there.
Take good care and God bless.

Hi WOLF and GRATEFUL!
Oh, it's so good to hear from you both!

Wolf, you've obviously had the same type of experience! I laughed aloud when you described the situation of being sandwiched between elephants and a heavy metal band!!! It's not funny, God knows! It's the kind of laughter than boarders on huge rage!
I WILL go and see them today, rather than write another letter. I'm nothing but a pain in the butt to this couple, but what can i do! The girl just stares back at you when you're talking, expressionless....motionless...saying "yes, uhuh, yes, uhuh.." Anyway, will be attending to this aggravation this afternoon.
Thank's Wolf!! Lindaloo

And GRATEFUL, Hi there! So, you went through practically the same, top floor,,,the marijuana,etc.... Well, moving out is truly just too big a thing for me to do right now. Really, to find an apartment at the same rent i am now paying (which is already much too high) is virtually impossible in this area.....and, as you know, i am unable to move outside of this area right now!
The ground floor in this building is rented, by a couple i like so much. And their apt. is twice the rent of mine!
Moving isn't an option at this time, also due to finances.
So, i will speak with these guys today, and TRY to be calm.
I'd love to be able to demonstrate the anger i feel WITHOUT feeling badly about that later on! That's easy with friends....just a bit strange with neighbours.
Okay, that's it for now. God bless, have a great day, Lindaloo

Hi Lindi,
You did the right thing in waiting before confronting these people. I know only too well that I tend to make things worse when I'm real angry so waiting a while calms me down enough to come up with better stuff to say instead of sounding like a lunatic. LOL I can't get my point across effectively when I'm too worked up.

Something similar happend to me. In our last apartment, the kid downstairs (no kid--he was 18) liked to smoke pot, only he did it in the basement with all his delinquent-looking friends. We had a heating system that was forced hot air and when someone smoked pot in the basement, the stench was blown into every room in the house. At the time, I had a newborn and didn't want him breathing in that stuff, never mind I didn't like it. My husband spoke to the kid on his own level--told him he'd kick his skinny butt all over town before making trouble with the cops if he ever did it again, and to please take his drugs outside. (At the time I felt that was a little out of line.) But, sure enough, he did it again. My husband never touched him but made the kid so nervous about anticipating it that he became a paranoid wreck and didn't go anywhere alone. Shortly afterwards, we moved.

I see two ways out: Call the police the next time it happens or move out. Even though it may be difficult to find a new place you can afford, you'll surely never find it if you aren't actively looking.

Living in an apartment, you have to learn some tolerance for others and what they do that may seem inconsiderate--such as slamming doors --but you shouldn't have to put up with unlawful actions.

I wish you luck in finding a workable solution to your problem. And remember to remain calm. It's easier to get your point across that way.

Hi Craw,
Thank's for writing! That was quite a situation you described, with your husband scaring the kids downstairs. And you're right, we have to practice tolerance when living in a house which is made up of 4 different apartments like this one...or an apartment building. But losing half a night's sleep is just too much.
I wouldn't ever choose to call the police over something like this, because the fact that this is unlawful isn't an issue for me. So, i would not want to get anyone in any 'trouble' for smoking grass. The issue is about being so inconsiderate. And if it does keep up, i will speak with the Landlord, who i get along very well with.
I appreciate your support! Thank's again,
Lindaloo

Hi everyone,
Well, just to bring you up to date.
When i felt 'calmer' and ready to deal with this in a friendy but FIRM manner, i walked downstairs and knocked on the door. And i was then face to face with three people i'd never seen before. They were very sweet and friendly and were staying with my neighbours. So, i got right to the point...asked if they were there last night...yes, they said they were. I told them how that horrible stench kept me up half the night,etc... They said yes, they had been smoking, but that the couple who lives there (they were at work) had actually told them NOT to smoke indoors, but to go out onto the deck! They told me they definately didn't smoke inside. I can't IMAGINE how that stench could get to my bedroom at the other side of this house, when they were outdoors! Oh well, never mind. They said they would pass this on to my neighbours. Later on, i decided to speak to EVERYONE who lives in this dwelling....Linda the Witch, knocking on doors! Turns out the couple on the first floor weren't the culprits ~ she doesn't smoke grass, and her boyfriend does it on Wednesdays and Saturdays!!!!!! (how wierd!) AND, he only does this outside, as she doesn't like it. Okay, i have one person left to speak to...a new gal who lives in the basement.
So, here's me, the "Older Woman", making the rounds, looking for the perpetrator.
So, there ya have it! Problem solved? I don't know.
I've said what i have to and i'll purchase one of those room deoderizers. Can't believe i'm writing about such a ridiculous topic on this Forum!
Okay, thank's everyone!
love and hugs,
Lindiloo

Can someone please help me with my ordeal I have tomorrow? I have to basically tell someone off at 9am. I have permission from my boss and immediate supervisor to put her in her place. They actually want me to do this! But when I get angry I get shaky and lose my thoughts alot. How can I tell her what I need to tell her without coming across as being timid? I want to sound confident but she has the power to make me feel small and lost for words. I literally get nervous when she walks my way. She doesn't even have the power to hire or fire me! I want to be assertive with her. Please help!

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It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice.

Boy Lindi,
You should be really proud of yourself! You handled that situation so well. I am so impressed.
You should do something special for yourself, you certainly deserve it.
And I really do hope things work out for you there.
Continue taking good care of yourself and God bless.

Hi Nay,

I just sent you an email, suggesting that you make a new posting, because then alot more people will know you need help right now. I hope something i wrote in the email was of some help too.
Love Lindi

Hi Grateful!

Good God! I didn't think that i accomplished anything that great! Thank you SO MUCH for your loving support!!!!!!!!!
Talk with you later,
Lindiloo