I just posted a notice about my year of excercise on the eat/excercise board. That year I concetrated on making it a habit that I do without much effort. I only now feel ready to focus on changing my thoughts as I know that is where it all comes from. But I can only focus on one major thing at a time and at the time I started the program there was so much going on that it was all I could do to force myself to excercise like needed. I only have so much energy. In the last year I have come to see myself in a much more positive light and like I can deal with the thoughts part. Here's the rub about it. I have some nasty matters that pop up now and then that serve to threaghten to throw everything off kilter. I do not accept the view of these people, because I know what is said is not true. But I also disagree with saying what is on my mind respectfully because it is supposed to make me feel better, when it does nothing to resolve the situation which is what is desired in the first place. Taking responsiblity for oneself is all well and good but when the other person is in denial, what is the point.

Thank you for your encouragement. I will concentrate on changing my thoughts. That after all, is all I CAN change. If nothing else, I will be a better person, like myself more, which will translate into more achievement.

Catspurr,
I understand your question and it can be puzzling. I don't think the other persons denial should be your focus on this one. The idea, I think is to make yourself feel better. Don't do it for someone else, do it for you. That's a hard concept for people who suffer with anxiety. We have a tendency to be people pleasers at our own expense. That's what we need to try and change. This lesson is all about being able to say "No" and not hurt anyone else in the process. It's O.K. to say "No". We can't possibly be all things to all people all the time. That's what got us in this mess in the first place. I hope this helps. Stick with it. You are on the right track.

Melody

Melody. Thank you for your input. Curious that you see my desire to resolve conflict as focusing on the other person's denial. I have no wish to change anybody else. They have a right to their denial. But I see no point in respectfully speaking my mind if it is only going to generate arguement from the other person. It seems more mature to me to simply let the other person think they are right or have the upper hand, knowing full well that you are in complete control of yourself, than to say something and get into a fight. it is commonly called humoring people. In fact, to do just that, humor a person and be so good at working out the situation that you can accomplish your goal without the other person even knowing you did it.

I mention this because in the past I HAVE said what was on my mind only to have the other person put a guilt trip on me and then I REALLY feel crappy about the whole thing. In fact, it has happened so much I have simply withdrawn from a number of people. So you see, I would rather simply let them think they have the upper hand. I don't need to say anything.

Hello, I think if we don't communicate the issues that need to be communicated, it may creat worse issues then if you were to dicuss it in a calm and soft tone of voice. I am really learning to control my anger and being assertive in a positive way instead of Blowing up. You can get alot more accomplished then you would ever anticipate if we think before we talk. I know I'm learning in such a positive way. I used one of Lucinda's techniques by coming to my own center and thinking or walking away and coming back to the problem later on and then discussing my feelings. Lisa

quote:

Originally posted by catspurr:
[qb]Melody. Thank you for your input. Curious that you see my desire to resolve conflict as focusing on the other person's denial. I have no wish to change anybody else. They have a right to their denial. But I see no point in respectfully speaking my mind if it is only going to generate arguement from the other person. It seems more mature to me to simply let the other person think they are right or have the upper hand, knowing full well that you are in complete control of yourself, than to say something and get into a fight. it is commonly called humoring people. In fact, to do just that, humor a person and be so good at working out the situation that you can accomplish your goal without the other person even knowing you did it.

I mention this because in the past I HAVE said what was on my mind only to have the other person put a guilt trip on me and then I REALLY feel crappy about the whole thing. In fact, it has happened so much I have simply withdrawn from a number of people. So you see, I would rather simply let them think they have the upper hand. I don't need to say anything.[/qb]